tulisan hampa

It started to rain as I just sat back on my comfortable couch, typing my next blog post as a report of my travel journey. Yes, I am a traveller. I gave up college for travelling. Daddy said I'm crazy but I don't care. I used my money for travelling. This evening the sky is beautifully dark, so is my travel story. I went to Neverbotherland. It's a small village near an archipelago. I found its name so weird and that's why I went there. I stayed with local, to explore better and to save money. The weather was very nice back there, it was windy but not too cold. I over-brought my coat I guess. The food was okay, plain but okay. From where I come from, spice is a must in cooking, but in Neverbotherland, it was all plain. But that's okay, I always think local food is another experience I should never complain about. Travelling is about learning to adapt yourself to what is not your usual things. Only three days in that house, Nomi's, and I think it was the most in...

Kenalin, nama gue Mulya, 22 tahun, tinggal di Jakarta. Karena gue anak daerah yang lagi mengais rejeki dan memperjelas jati diri, gue ngekost di daerah Jakarta Pusat. Katanya biar deket kemana-mana. Padahal yang namanya Jakarta sedeket apapun tetep jauh rasanya karena cuma deket doang tapi ngga jadian. Eh. Maksudnya deket doang tapi macetnya ampun ampunan. Temen sekamar gue, sesama anak daerah, namanya Ayu. Pacarnya borju gile, hampir tiap malem kami party dibayarin sama si Gaga ini. Well, katanya sih Gaga ini anaknya pejabat tingga daerah Indonesia Timur. Gaga tinggal sama ibu tirinya di Jakarta, dan ibu kandungnya sama bapak kandungnya di rumah dinas di Timur sana. Nggapapa lah, gue sih ngga begitu peduli sama keluarga orang, yang penting Gaga baik suka traktir minum dan anter kami pulang. Malem ini, seperti biasa, Gaga dan Ayu akan pacaran dulu di bioskop sebelum party nanti. "Lu mau ikut ga nonton? Gaga dapet 1 tiket gratis dari bank nih" Ayu bersuara dari kamar mand...

WOOOHOOO!!! IT'S DECEMBER 28TH!! This is the time if my blog. Yes, I WILL NEVER forget writing catatan akhir tahun section every year. Like I might be lousy in keeping it straight to write every month, but every year? NO REASON TO NOT WRITE! Especially 2016 is a turning year for me and my life. Here we go! January 2016 We flew from Hong Kong and leaving ourselves amazed by how we have changed our status from being married to being very married to our late honeymoon which then turned out to be a babymoon. I went back to work and my husband worked for my dad for a while. At the end of January we went for another trip to Singapore, initially to company him watching the concert that was cancelled lol, so it was just another escape. February 2016 In where I was sitting, Centre for ASEAN PR Studies, was surely the best I have ever sat on since my arrival in LSPR Jakarta. I work with amazing people and a very enjoyable pace. We did great things together. Getting pregnant was not a ...

I sorta lost my old Blogger app on my iPhone. It just crashed and I decided to uninstall that one. I downloaded the new one and this one is paid. I haven't decided whether I have to buy it or not but I will after I try this post for free. I think lately I haven't been too much in writing because of laziness and busy-ness. You know, baby, work drama, family matters, and other distraction.  Here comes December again and I surely will write more (I know this is what I've been saying over and over again but I never walk the talk, shameful) especially for Catatan Akhir Tahun. I will NEVER miss Catatan Akhir Tahun as it's my refletion. There are also some stories I would like to cover in a few other posts. Bear with me.

Aku sedang hobi memandangi langit malam hari. Menurutku, tenang dan menenangkan. Bukan karena siang hariku bosan atau melelahkan, hanya saja langit malam selalu memberiku ketenangan belakangan ini. Ya, belakangan ini. Gelapnya langit malam tidak lagi membuatku takut, namun lebih tenang. Mungkin akibat gumpalan awan yang sesekali datang, atau akibat taburan bintang yang sesekali tertampakkan. Malam ini, langit bicara padaku. Ia bicara bahasa kalbu, aku pikir sulit memahaminya, ternyata hanya butuh beberapa bait lagu dan beberapa patah kata untuk bertutur dengannya. Sebenarnya aku tidak yakin dia paham dengan ucapanku, tapi dari lengkungan bulan yang mengisinya, sepertinya langit mengerti. Aku sampaikan pada langit bahwa kisah kitab suci yang kubagi dengannya itu nyata. Mungkin butuh kesabaran seluas dirinya untuk percaya, atau sekedar menjadi terbiasa. Mungkin butuh waktu sepanjang dirinya digabung siangnya untuk memberi makna, buat setiap ungkapan yang aku wariskan padanya. Ya, hanya u...

Adalah tangisan kamu. Adalah betapa kamu lelap dalam tidurmu. Adalah saat dimana titik air mataku. Adalah doa yang sama. Adalah nama yang serupa. Adalah lengkungan senyum di wajahmu. Adalah tawaku kepada tawamu. Adalah gerakan yang menenangkan. Adalah ceritamu. Adalah gerutu tak jemu dari bibirmu. Adalah kecapan kecapan haru. Adalah ulasan kisah tak berujung. Satu detik dari setiap malamku adalah kamu.

You can say anything. Really. Anything. All I care is my own happiness. What matters most is myself and how I am content with my life.

I'm finally on this phase; too tired to fall asleep. Living my day like it's the last with my child. Feeling the love no words can describe. And doing the best effort as if I'm the strongest in the world. Motherhood has taken me into another level of being a human. I thought I understood how amazing my mum is. Until I'm on my own phase now, I always -always feel so lousy and not doing much enough for my baby. This just makes me more and more vulnerable when it comes to child matters. Nothing in this world can compare to having her. I think she's even my world now. Every single night, squeezing between my tired eyes and aching body, I pray God grant her the best protection, love, and assurance that she's going to be ok. And squeezing between wet diapers and loud cry, I pray I have the strength to make sure she's going to be ok.

Being a new mom is just so hard. I think I have managed to survive up until today because God is still kind enough to let me live. I get many helps from around but still very tired on the inside. I don't know what or why, it's just never relieved. I thought it was the sleeping pattern, which I assume I lack of quality sleeping lately. But then the psychological adds up. I think it's a huge deal to never feel the same again once I am a mother. The only healing I have is the smile of my daughter. I heals everything, almost. The last time I cried was with her, apologising for not being a good mom yet. And I promised her I'll keep on trying and going forward. I think she understood me well. She smiles every time I told her my concern. Such a sweet baby. Or probably such a sweet angel who keeps her attended during these 40 days. God, grant me strength to go through another day.

I will never forgive myself if I ever abandon you. You are by far the biggest achievement in my life. There is no word at the moment that I can type no matter how much I want to express my feelings for you. Day and night, up and down, happy and sad, I always think about you, and how grateful I am for having you in my life as a reward at the same time responsibility. Thank you for making me grow up, getting wiser, more patient, loving and feeling more sense in this cruel world. Thank you for lightning up my gloomy life and giving me meaning of survival. Thank you for smiling at me or holding my finger everytime you latch on me. Thank you for all sleepless night you gave me yet I enjoyed a lot. Thank you for being exist and empower me everytime I feel weak. Thank you for becoming a reason why this life is eventually worth living. Thank you for adding value as a human in me, and you are why I always want to go home. Thank you for reminding me that although this life is tough, I can always...

I am so sick of people who don't appreciate time. Like, they know it's something they cannot buy, they cannot negotiate and they cannot turn back. But they waste it anyway. I am so sick of people who cannot manage time. Like, they think they can always chill and take as much as they can take while everyone else is abandoned. I am so sick of people who aren't aware of time. Like, they forget other have their own priorities too and when they think of themselves they're bending everyone's. May people like this kind regret safely in the future. Bitch. Regards, the one who's always late because of waiting what could have not be waited for.

YAY! Maternity leave means blogging blogging and blogging. I cannot remember when was the last time I wrote blog? GOD! If there was such a rule, I'd been sent to hell for bailing writing for so long. So this month is supposed to be my due-month of giving birth. I. CANNOT. WAIT. That is like the only three words I can say. All the pain worth the wait I guess. I don't know. I've been losing track of writing yet I still express myself on social media. I started a hashtag poetwit on my @pastelarasaty at the same time reading novels and books to help me alter my stress. My husband is always around, so comfortable. Family support is always endless, I miss my dad though. Brother's coming next month. Yes, the baby brother whom I'm celebrating his birthday today. SOOOO HAPPY and I cannot hardly wait to deliver the baby and see how she looks like. Yes, she. It's a girl. At least so far that's what the USG said. I don't really mind if it turns about a ...

So you think I'd forget to post this yearly stuff? NOPE! Here we go! January Well, it's not a good start for a new year as I broke up with my 2 years relationship boyfriend; the one I thought was the one but turned out another one. It wasn't easy, I think it was even harder than I thought as I had to start over again with myself and the new goal in life, especially in romance. But I managed to handle the broken heart with activities and plans. February I had to cancel my short semester classes because I had to accompany my bro to Brisbane. Well well, hitung hitung okelah ya buat kabur dari patah hari ke Australi. It was a quick but fun trip with my bro, and of course another heartbreaking moment because I was leaving him alone in a 4 seasons country. I really wished God would protect him. March A new even semester!!! I had quite a lot classes like last semester but this one is manageable and enjoyable. My advisees were progressing nicely and I had such a great time...

I spend hours and days learning things that I haven't known my entire life. Some of the reason is to make my loved one happy, by that I could be happy too. Some of other reason is to just accomplish new achievements. I think I failed most of the times, if success is measured by how satisfied my surrounding is. But then I heard that success is not defined by how happy people around you might become. Success is when you've done your best no matter what the result is. I think it's absurd. The measurement for success is of course how accomplished you are and how acknowledged is your success by those who can see. Otherwise, that's self - acclamation, and that is absurd. You are pretty because people call you so. Otherwise that's unreasonable bragging. You are success because people are aware how success you are and how much your success is relevant to their thought. So from today, it is non-sense to say that people don't define your success or happiness. Of cours...

I'm pregnant. There, I said it. Desember 2015 adalah mungkin Desember paling cantik seumur hidupku setelah kukira perjalanan ke Turki tahun lalu di waktu yang sama dengan mamaku. Tahun ini, aku merayakan Desember bersama suami dan jabang bayi. Rasanya beyond happy. Aku selalu yakin nikmat Tuhan itu datangnya bertubi-tubi dan bentuknya berseri-seri. Seri Desember ini dimusuhin papa, masih, tapi ada nikmat lain dalam seri suami. Suamiku penyayang, kemungkinan besar karena jiwanya masih kekanakkan sehingga manja masih begitu terasa dari dirinya. Keuntungan buatku disayang saat hamil, keuntungan buat bayiku juga karena papanya penyayang walaupun perkasa. Most of the times lately, kegiatanku makin sedikit tapi beratnya makin berat. Aku senang menjalaninya karena sepertinya Tuhan kasih nikmat berupa kuat. Setiap ke dokter aku selalu bersyukur aku menjaga diriku dari yang buruk, yaa meskipun satu dua bahaya masuk. Aku selalu bersyukur setiap dikasih lihat anakku dari USG, rasanya in...

Been sitting all day in a focus group discussion about ASEAN in Surabaya, so fun and enriching. This meeting has given me so many ideas and knowledge about how diverse ASEAN Studies Centres are. It's such an amazement that I got promoted to my position now, and surely I had no idea that I would get this privilege with a valuable experience working in ASEAN environment. Cool.

I cannot believe this is happening; I'm getting married. I think God has written a pretty much perfect story of my life that He brought me down and up and down and up tp teach me lessons. I thought I was a quick learner, but when it comes to life lessons, I learn very slow. Slow because I enjoy it. The hardships always come with greatness so far, and I cannot remember any day I didn't feel blessed and grateful because my life has been very amazing. May my next life steps are nicer and more worth it, while myself is getting stronger and nicer facing anything in the future. May Allah forgive my sins and let me live in assurance of His protection and guidance. Amen

Today, I went from being single to engaged. To a guy 5 years younger than me. After a few ups and downs. We called it. Today, I went from being a coward to a real fighter. Jakarta, 20 October 2015.

I had once made mistake, I will not do it again. This is to another life test that I need to get through, and I wanna pass it so bad. So bad that nothing will stop me, and I will not give up. Here is to another year that I will face, and another October that I'll go through relentlessly. I will not give up. I'd die, but not giving up.