I Stop Wondering

People would say expectation kills. It is not that I am disappointed of anything or anyone, not that I am being intimidated either. I just think it is unecessary to have a perspective that does not contribute to anything at all. Not to mention that everything happens for a reason, but I just feel like it takes so much of me and so much of my concern. So I stop wondering around, not to kill curiosity that always grows bigger in my head, but just to limit what I wanna take as something that matters, and what not. Full stop.

Massive Disappointment.

"Hello gorgeous!!! This is your soup, and.. oops... I completely forgot your coffee! Sorry about that, dear!" Prima menyapa Aldy yang sedang asik ngobrol di kantin kampus mereka bersama Thalia. Prima menggeser kotak makan siang yang disiapkannya untuk Aldy dan Aldy menerimanya dengan kikuk. Aldy hanya tersenyum terpaksa dan Thalia berhasil menyunggingkan senyum ramah melihat pasangan yang tidak pacaran itu.
"Hey, so you guys look close, I smell something fishy here" Thalia mencoba terlihat natural dan tidak mau tahu urusan mereka
"No, we're friends. I'm just a huge fan of this cute man!" Prima meninju lengan Aldy lalu duduk di sebelah Aldy tanpa menyentuhnya lagi. Ia tersenyum penuh arti sementara Aldy hanya tersipu.
"Oh, so sweet! So okay, I'm gonna leave you guys alone as my class is about to start, and.. have fun!" Thalia mengembangkan senyumnya lalu beranjak tanpa persetujuan Aldy.
"Okay, what was that?!" senyum Aldy luntur dan menoleh serius ke sebelah kirinya menatap Prima yang makan santai tanpa rasa bersalah.
"What was what? It was my casualty to greet you that way and I know no body will think we're an item. Relax dude!" Prima masih sedikit sedikit menggigit sandwich dari kotak makannya. Ini bukan kali pertama Prima memperlakukan Aldy spesial, tapi baru kali ini Aldy menunjukkan sikap gusar dan tidak nyaman. Pembicaraan mereka terhenti sampai situ. Masing-masing menikmati makan siang dan seusai makan siang mereka berjanji ke perpustakaan bersama.



"Yeah, so I'll see you tonight!" Aldy berpisah dengan Thalia ketika dirasakannya Prima mendekati mereka di koridor menuju perpustakaan. Tepat setelah Thalia menjauh dari tempatnya berdiri, Prima muncul dengan senyum paling cemerlang di sore hari, "hey lovely! I thought you were gonna be late! Let's go!" Prima merangkul pundak Aldy guna mengarahkannya ke pintu perpustakaan lalu melepaskan tangannya dari tubuh Aldy sambil berjalan mengambil jarak.


"Prima, I need to talk to you" Aldy berbisik di tengah adegan baca buku di sudut perpustakaan
"Yes? Let's get out! I need some fresh air" sambut Prima sambil mengeluarkan peralatan merokoknya dari tas.
"You need to stop acting like that in front of people, especially the ones that I'm currently seeing"
Prima mengerutkan dahi mendengar permintaan Aldy dan menghembuskan asap rokok berlebihan akibat menahan kesal.
"I'm asking Thalia out tonight and I don't want to give her any impression that I'm not serious with her, do you know what I mean?" Prima menghisap lagi batang rokoknya tanpa mempedulikan Aldy yang ikutan mengambil sebatang dari bungkus rokoknya. Ia menunggu penjelasan lebih lanjut mengenai permintaan aneh itu.
"I want a serious relationship with her, and I hope you understand that your 'kindness' is just gonna kill it" Aldy mengangkat kedua jari telunjukknya mengutip kata 'kindness' lalu memantik batang pertamanya. Prima masih diam, tatapannya kosong ke depan melihat rumput hijau yang mulai basah karena gerimis baru saja turun.



"Yeah, I guess you're right. I've been so bitchy with you lately and it somehow ruins your availability in front of the girls, sorry about that!" Prima akhirnya bicara setelah setengah perjalanan pulang di sebelah Aldy. Tram mereka melaju cepat namun bagi Prima, sore itu bergerak sangat lambat, hingga ia gelisah sendiri ingin segera sampai rumah. "I guess we should stop seeing each other anymore" Ia mengakhiri ucapannya tanpa mendongak melihat Aldy. Genggaman tangan mereka tidak terasa lagi oleh Prima yang masih menatap kosong ke lantai tram. Aldy seperti ingin bicara, seperti ingin minta maaf, namun ia belum sadar betapa dalam permintaannya bagi Prima.



Sampai depan rumah Prima, Aldy masih membicarakan hal-hal normal seperti tidak ada apa-apa, sampai "That's it Aldy, it's your last sentence to me, and I'm sure we are not gonna talk anymore, anywhere" Aldy mulai merasakan hawa aneh pada nada bicara Prima. Esoknya mereka berjumpa di kampus, Aldy mencoba menyapa Prima namun tatapan Prima tidak pernah melihat ataupun menganggapnya ada. Prima hanya berlalu melewatinya tanpa membalas atau menoleh setiap ucapan tau sapaan yang dilontarkan Aldy padanya.



"What's wrong with you and Prima lately?" Thalia membuyarkan pikiran Aldy yang sedang melayang.
"What? Me? Pri.. oh no, we're fine. We're good. Why?" Aldy gelagapan menjawab pertanyaan itu, pertanyaan yang ia sendiri tidak tahu jawabannya.
"It's just weird to me you guys don't talk anymore. I thought she loves you very much, but I know you guys weren't in a relationship. So I overthink you're taking her for granted because of our relationship. Please tell me I'm wrong!" Thalia memberanikan diri mengungkapkan ke-pede-annya kepada sang pacar.
"Ah, no.. what? Totally wrong! We're fine, I think she just knew that she couldn't act like that romantic anymore to me, especially in front of you, babe!" Aldy menjelaskan sekenanya dan penjelasannya justru memicu keherananan Thalia.
"See? I know that you guys were really close and I once though you were an item until she came to me explaining that you liked me a lot. So am I guilty now?"
"No no, no no no no," Aldy panik dan berusahan menahan emosinya,"well, we were close, we were good friends. Honestly, she turned up once saying she likes me very much, she adores me in the field and she loves my achievements in pharmacies. The thing is, she never wants a relationship, at least she never asked me. And I too, was too depressed to ask her out, you know how fabulous she is with maths, cooking and dancing. It's mental to date her, I thought. So we stayed friends."
"Uh huh" Thalia menunggu cerita Aldy yang lebih detail
"We stayed friends,"Aldy mengatur nadanya agar terlihat netral,"but the thing is, she expressed her emotion freely and I chose to shut up my admiration to her. So it looked like she's my huge fan, while in fact, probably I am her fan whose being too afraid to get close, yet too afraid to lose her around."
"Well, you lost her now. What?" sebuah tamparan seperti mendarat tepat di dahi Aldy dan ia lalu menunduk bingung.
"Can we not talk about this?" Aldy jenuh pada dirinya sendiri memikirkan hal itu, kini ia enggan membicarakannya.
"Okay, but please promise me you'll make it up to her?"
"I can't, I don't want to. I hesitate it, to be around with just her." tanpa sadar Aldy beranjak pergi dari bangku taman tempat mereka berdiskusi. Bangku yang jadi teman belajarnya dan Prima dulu, waktu mereka masih berteman.

***

persembahan untuk sahabat

so yeah,

Have I mentioned this girl of my life; Babang?
She's having birthday today (10/07). And I am so sad for not being there with her!
Anywaaaayyy, I sent her a voice note from the person that she has crush on.

Well, what do I tell about her?
She's amusing! interesting, huggable, great listener and a really good friend.
In this special post, after a nice present via BBM, I wish her the very happy life, in love, in career, in business, in health and in wealth. I wish her all the best and I wish to see her very very soon in October this year. I missed talking and laughing with her. Stubborn and anxious her is always the one that I love.

 

Happy birthday, Babangko sayang!!

The Analogy

I'm totally psyched out of the Higgs Boson explored currently by CERN. Whereas I am not an experimental physicians, nor an alchemist, I'm not gonna discuss about any formula. Honestly, I'm gonna talk about how analogy was being used to present the idea of this invention.

Menurut saya, hebat seseorang yang mengeksplorasi partikel dan atom atau senyawa lainnya yang bisa mengubah dunia serta isinya, menambah fungsi atau mempermudah kerja. Lebih hebat lagi yang bisa menganalogikan penemuan ilmiah ke dalam bahasa sosial menggunakan imajinasi anti-tabu sehingga orang awam sejenis saya paham gambaran besar penemuan luar biasa ini. Masih, saya masih menganggap kehebatan Tuhan diatas segalanya sebagai penguasa dalam ilmu pengetahuan dan kehidupan.

It was interesting seeing how menu and camera were being used to give a common knowledge analogy, seriously, I think creativity is beyond exact science in this sense. It's not like science is taking social for granted, it's not like social is the most useful and easiest thing to be understood, and it's neither like social is inapplicable in science world. I always adore how scientists and engineers work to contribute to the main improvement and development in this world and human livings. It's like everything is growing everyday into unpredictable things, and I like the way God makes it.


Mass, particles, atoms, matters, physics, and everything in science are always grabbing my full attention, respect to those who made it understandable for a fool like me. Dan buat saya, inspired by what I see in the animation of Higgs boson, it depends on which way you see it. Again, multi perspektif itu seru, tergatung gimana kita menghargai setiap perbedaan baik yang mempengaruhi diri kita atau yang enggak. There's always another way to look at one thing.