Loving you is like

Saturday, 12 April 2014

putting so much, so much, faith in Arsenal.
Almost nine years without trophy, players come and go, good and bad times. One single manager, old, classy and determined.

As a fan, I can tell you once feel sad, embarrassed, down, excited, flat, hopeless, on fire. Name it, every emotion. Arsenal have the potential, great players, accountable strategy, reliable players, and unquestionable spirit. Well I'm weak about how they have developed and I'm blind about their internal issues and strategy. But for all I know, it's the spirit of the gooners who keep the faith on Arsene Wenger.

Their loyalty and trust towards the club is what amazes me. I believe all clubs have these sort of fans, but by far I know you, there is no other fan as loyal as you are to your Arsenal; through the bad times and good times.

I know every club has their own weaknesses and haters and lovers, but as far as I can learn, you show the most dedication and determination to your team. I admire your consistency. I respect your effort to always watch and support them. I quitted expecting myself to be loved by you like that, many months ago.

However, by this, I would like to say that loving you is more or less, probably exactly, like putting so much trust in Arsenal. So much. The ups and downs of every game, the come and go of fantastic players, the high and low of offense and defense lines, the great and shameful spirit each match. The disappointments, the low expectations. The in-enthusiasm. The comebacks. The surprise. Whatever. All those emotions you showed me and you make me feel. Afterall,  I would like to learn to love you like you love Arsenal.





***this note was written on the match day of Arsenal versus Wigan in FA Cup Semifinal, Wembley 2014. Earlier that day, my boyfriend brought me a vitamin C and worried if I was awake too late while my body was still recovering from flu and fever.***

Mesin Fax

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Dian berlari kecil menelusuri selasar kampusnya. Di ujung lorong, ia berhenti dan menoleh pada Awan, kawannya sejak masa sekolah, "nyet, mesin fax dimana ya? Gue mau ngirim undangan nih satu lagi ketinggalan!" ia terengah engah dari lari kecilnya. Awan menjawab singkat pada jelas, "Marketing"

Dian bengong sejenak, otaknya berpikir keras. Pasalnya satu kata yang disebutkan Awan barusan adalah tempat paling keramat buatnya. Kepala staff Marketing adalah mantan pacarnya. Delapan skenario dapat terpikirkan oleh Dian jika dia mengikuti saran Awan untuk mengirim fax dari kantor Marketing.

"Emang enak?! Makanya jangan cari gara-gara sama staff kampus" Awan nyengir bahagia melihat Dian masih berwajah kusut dan stress. Ia menepuk nepuk bahu Dian sambil mendorongnya berbalik arah menghadap ruang Marketing. "Semoga perlindungan Allah tetap menyertai elo, kemanapun elo pergi, dan siapapun yang elo temui, hahahha" tawanya riang sekali menatap punggung Dian yang berjalan menjauhinya.

Langkahnya gontai menuju kantor Marketing dan menggenggam lemas selembar dokumen untuk dikirim via fax. Nasib.

Three words yang terdengar lebih keren in English dibanding versi Bahasa.

Monday, 7 April 2014

1. Arse
2. Betting site
3. Wanker

We didn't talk today

Saturday, 5 April 2014

But I will tell you what happened to me today.

I woke up at 6. Exactly at 6 and I was so lazy to move away from my comfortable sofa bed. It was Saturday so the landlord would not come to collect the monthly bill. I fell asleep again, I dreamt of you bringing me a cup of coffee and a sandwich for breakfast. Just in time I was about to eat, I woke up again.

I decided to move and get up, got myself a quick shower and checked my email. Nothing. Not from you, not from work. This kind of morning was rare. I usually wake up earlier and do a morning jog. Today I just didn't have the spirit to. So after a shower I tuned in to my telly, nothing was interesting.

The fridge was empty, I dragged myself to the nearest convenient store, but in the halfway there, I remembered I did not bring my wallet, so I stepped back home. On my way home, I saw the dog you used to take care of when he was sick. The puppy has turned into a dog now, and he seemed well. I wondered if you came by around here just to take care of him but didn't bother to let me know. I didn't think of it much. I just grabbed my wallet and run back a bit faster than before to the store.

After making at least three turns inside the store, I walked back home. I walked quite slowly I remember, there was no you to help me carry those heavy vegetables and fruit. A little bit struggling but finally I made it home with a twisted ankle when I climbed a tiny stair near my home entrance. Again, there was no you to remind me to slow down from jumping on and off to find the key in my pocket.

I cooked a simple soup and bake myself an onion bread. I watched my favourite DVDs and poured a glass of guava juice. It spilled, of course, as always, and this time I wiped the table and the clothes myself. I felt a small relief that I didn't get to hear anyone saying "you couldn't go on any day without messing with anything, could you?" then I smiled. I think it was okay to spill juice sometimes, it was sticky after a while but I managed to clean it.

In the evening, there was an email beeping. I literally hit my foot to the table as I rushed to check my laptop. It wasn't from you, the twisted ankle and the painful foot was not worth it. A breaking news. From my relative. About you.

I sorted my ankle and read the email at the same time. I couldn't breathe for a while. You got into an accident. On your way home. I stopped doing anything for at least one minute, staring at the laptop screen and repetitiously read the part "he is on his way up to the hospital now, I think there was something wrong with his car, I'll let you know when he's up later"

I sat in silence. Awake alone. Writing this. Now I know why we didn't talk today.
And I miss you.