these days

these days,
i learn that no matter how painful the effort is for a cook to serve the meal,
guests will just score what they taste in their mouth, and what they see in their plate.

15/60

i am so bad at allocating my time in doing tasks. those who think i am an excellence and hardworker are totally wrong. only fifteen minutes out of thirty i spent my time focused on the tasks in the pc screen, the rest: blogging, facebooking, twittering. i know i am one of those new media victims, but who can deny that these technologies aren't tempting? simply altruism.

i am so bad at focusing in one specific thing, i am a terrible multi-tasker who does not have one specific skill to be serioused at. (i know serioused is not a word). i am bad at writing, and that is ironic as i have written hundreds of posts in blogs yet gained below merit for my written assignments in school. pathetic writer who has no structure and sense of writing. me.

i resolute myself for an impending objective. i don't even know what 'impending' means, but i keep hating myself more for not even knowing what myself is. complicated.

take me to Venice, after this essay

I'd simply say this to my passport, held by the custom because of the unfinished business about my visa. I really am curious about how such a multinational company failed to handle all the permit matters to get me here. I wasn't supposed to be the one who has to go around and all over the place to take care of this shitty problem. They were the one who called me to handle the crisis. And me, yes, as a public speaker, a PR expert and a media handler, I should be the one who enjoyed my white wine inside a limo, going around and being a fool in the casino. but no, I woke up unintentionally in the custom office and had to attend another session of interview with the border officer.

They have been holding me since yesterday. I was like "dude! 24 hours means I have the right to get myself a lawyer!" but they seemed don't care. Yet, here I am, in a small canteen, having a sip of coffee before having another stupid interrogation about my intention of going here. This is silly, that company hires me and they really are the one who responsible for all the documents and permits. I was requested to be professional, I even restricted to bring my family or partner here because this is a business visit, not leisure. I hate the fact that I had to obey and follow their rules, and here is what it brings: me being in a semi-jail!

I passed by a public phone, and not to mention that my call might be listened by other parties, I just don't care.

"Hi babe, how are you?" I cannot hardly raise my voice because of the sore throat from not sleeping since three days ago
"Good, how're you? How's thing going? Have they sent you their attorney or something?" my boyfriend has just woke up that morning, and I am feeling really bad for skipping the morning coffee and talk with him. We always talk about silly things in the morning, we fight over unimportant matters and we make up easily.
"no, I am fucked up here!" I almost cried missing him and his presence
"you'll be fine, if today they don't give you any news, I'll send Tom to take care of you and bring you home, alrighty sweety?" he tried to comfort me
"I think I might be in the worst situation today, I haven't had any proper sleep since my departure and this company has abandoned me in the border. They hold my visa and I can only wait. I'm getting FUBAR!" I heard him sipped his coffee and exhale softly
"Love, don't be that negative, there's always things you can think of to make you feel better. Just go face them and be home soon. Be good and let me know if anything goes wrong. okay?"
"Yeah, I'll try to be nice today, and hopefully they'll send me out of this crap sooner, and not let the FUBAR happen" I tried to tell him how upset I am and this is really exhausting. He hang up after giving me some few things to keep me positive, like "I'll take you to Venice after you finished this essay".


***

pre-menstrual syndrome

We inhabit a world where we are judged solely by results (Millar and others, 2010).

I strongly disagree dude, I don't have to have other reference, I just disagree. To go to the results, you go through many process and way, and that is subjectively relative to what extent is the result you are going to judge.

I'm kind of stuck. Having lots of things to think of, some things to do, few things I have done.

today is the most unproductive day I thought, but then I wrote this post.

I don't know who to talked to aside from God.

The pain that you don't see, I don't show, doesn't mean vanished in time.

I just chose to left it unspoken, and some business are really not yours.

I

am sick of losers, sometimes of myself.

I missed being 'home' doing nothing and thinking of nothing as well.

I disjuncture my mind with the readings materials I have to go through, I neglect myself the importance of deadlines, and I ignore the fact that any significant others have their own barriers of feelings and thoughts.

I don't care of being seen as senseless and irrational, I don't care if they call me sick or insane.

I know I am struggling to stand out from the crowd, being extraordinary and distinctive.

I

will keep on fighting, especially for the things I proposed as proper and justifiable, in my reasons, the feasible ones.

I will just go back to my assignments I guess. Good night, judge.

the highlanders' lowlessness

I know that 'lowlessness' is not even a word, but who cares.
eh, no, I should start to care, someone (or many of them) has been checking out my blog recently. Like seriously, I should be thankful for the stats counter of blogger.com. LOL.

So, this year, two starter days were fantastic. I spent the time with friends, eight of us. Only one is in a relationship, only one has no ID, and only one who's being ditched. It was a deadly fun trip. We started the day heedlessly by knowing that the two cars we were supposed to rent were no longer available. It ends with one car (instead of two) for 8 of us, can you imagine that? 7 seater for 8 people. two guys are 'big' and we really had to fit ourselves in that tiny vehicle. God bless Ford!

DAY (or night?) 1 - 31 Dec 2011

We cruised to Edinburgh, arrived at 18 local time and treated ourselves with Indian food together with other Indonesian friends. Not really good food, but yeah, good time though. We exchange the tickets to Hogmanay Street Festival. Gosh, the festival was awesomely crowded and cool. Breezy and windy night did not beat us! We took photos and definitely got lost until 1 AM. Slept in the car before heading to Glasgow the morning after. Hell yeah!!! EIGHT PEOPLE IN A SEVEN SEATER CAR!!!! Intimate?

DAY 2 - 1 Jan 2012

Glasgow, I bet it's not a silent city, it's just a new year's day that only McDonalds served us breakfast. Muffins, coffee and cards. Really good friends I was having. We laughed about last night and think of what to do that day; ended up nothing: we went straight to the hotel. Guess what? Our GPS was dead!!!! We had to struggle with all the Scottish accent when we asked the people about the direction where to get to our hotel. It took us like two hours in the street before finally arrived at the hotel. Uh oh.. not yet. we had 2 more hours before we can check in. That sucked! We decided to take a lunch in Burger King near the hotel, yeah! Another card games before we finally threw ourselves in our bedroom after bath! Called it a day!

                

DAY 3 - 2 Jan 2012

Loch Lomond, that was the first time I wanted to curse the weather for not being friendly. The beautiful Lake was shrink into a dark view of water pool surrounded by snowed mountains! Damn I really want to go back there with more sunshine! It was even raining! We spent like an hour in the cold lake then we ate another brunch in a small Little Chef, a nice place to eat and laugh. I love the simple pancakes and the weather, coldly nice there. Oh, dear Scotland, I bet you're sweeter on Summer. We then headed back to Edinburgh to visit Edinburgh Castle! Harry Potter rules! Beautiful scenery and amazing Camera Obscura! I love the game and the view! We ate dinner at Chinese Resto and ditched one of our friend with his parents there. I slept on the way back to Leeds peacefully, more room and space for my legs, LOL. Good time! Good new year!!