Tentang Afi.
Sekitar taun 2009 awal, gue tiga kali mimpiin Afi. Ketiganya adalah kami solat berjamaah sekeluarga Afi dan keluarga gue di rumah gue. Selesai solat, keluarga kami sejenis ada tausiyah. Disitu gue liat ibunya Afi duduk di sebelah gue, nunduk serius dengerin tausiyah dari Afi.
Gue nggak pernah sempet cerita soal mimpi ini ke Afi; either gue terlanjur jadian sama Adimas, or terlanjur Afi jadian sama cewek lain. Not to mention bahwa gue pernah deket sama Afi, atau ibunya pernah ngobrol sesuatu yang bikin gue berasumsi lain, tapi kali ini Afi tervonis sakit jantung koroner, dan cuma Allah yang tau akan gimana jalan hidupnya. Kisah hidup afi belakangan ini lagi nengharukan, bikin kesel tapi gue rasa Afi lagi ambil the best step of recovery; mendekatkan diri sama penciptanya.
Gue pernah bilang sama Afi kalo gue mau mas kawin gue nanti adalah suami yang hafal surat ar-rahman dan melafalkannya di akad nikah gue. Gue cuma mau bilang, sebelum gue lupa sama hal ini, "Puy, gue utang cerita waktu gue ngobrol sama ibu di harapan kita waktu gue jenguk elo kemarin. Kapan-kapan gue cerita ya! Makanya elo cepet sehat!"
Tentang Reyhan.
Selama di Leeds, taun 2011, gue tiga kali berturut-turut mimpiin Reyhan. To be honest, gue nggak inget jelas keseluruhan mimpinya, tapi yang gue inget, kami makan sandwich berdua di bangku taman, trus diem aja berdua sambil makan. Gue liat Reyhan nangis, tapi gue gak nanya kenapa, dan Reyhan gak cerita kenapa. Kami beneran cuma makan tanpa ngobrol.
Selang beberapa bulan kemudian, gue baru tau kisruh percintaan di hati dan hidup Reyhan. Gue nggak tau persis detailnya, tapi dari cerita Reyhan, I wish I told him my dreams earlier. Gue juga nggak tau apa korelasi mimpi-mimpi gue sama kisah Reyhan, yang jelas gue sensing something wrong going on with him, and I guess there was.
Gue cuma mau bilang "man, some people may take longer to recover than the others. Literally, to move on is a choice, not a force, neither a given situation. And as I told earlier in my tumblr; it does not matter if something that you believed in is proven wrong, at least you get used to hold on to it, faithfully. I wish you the very sweet luck with all your endeavour, with anyone, with anything."
Tentang Abel.
This man has been invading my life, my dreams, and my feelings. If it's not because of my God, I would have probably died for him. Alhamdulillah gue masih waras dan masih dikasih hidayah sama Allah biar nggak terlalu fall for this guy too much, he's unbelievably amazing for f**k's sake! Trust me, gue keras banget mencoba untuk nggak jatuh cinta berlebihan sama satu makhluk paling spesial yang pernah gue temuin ini beserta fitur-fitur tambahannya, gue belum berhasil, dan kalo akhirnya gue gagal, gue tetep akan bersyukur.
How long has he been in my dreams? 59 nights. Di dalem setiap mimpi gue, berdasarkan apa yang pernah gue alami sama kedua sahabat gue di atas, gue berharap mimpi gue tentang Abel adalah hal yang feasible, real, menantang untuk dibuktikan, dan menjadi sarana buat gue semakin percaya kalo gue bisa dan boleh bermimpi. Se-vain apapun itu; lari barefoot di pantai, arguing on the rooftop, playing quadruple sports, deciding what to eat and life philosophy, anything, pokoknya setiap mimpi itu, terekam jelas kalo enggak di sel-sel otak gue, ada di alam bawah sadar gue.
Unlike most people who forget their dream the second they're awake, my dreams get me shattered, shivered, wondering, even crying for things that I can't never explain.
Dan sebaik-baiknya penolong adalah Allah, yang kuasanya menjaga segala yang ada di dalam hati. Allah, yang kebesarannya mengetahui semua yang tersimpan dalam perasaan, tercekat ditenggorokan dan terucap di lisan. Dia, yang senantiasa terjaga dan menjaga.
Thursday 29 November 2012
Tuesday 20 November 2012
Later that night.
God, who the fuck is this man that you've sent me? He's amazing, so adorable that I almost believed you'd send me to hell after this fading nirvana.
I almost failed to believe that you're real, that's why people say "reality bites". But hey, look at this! The only reality that bites is that one day I'm sure of letting the beauty go and survive with what's left.
God, who the fuck is this man you've sent me? I'm powerless towards your mercy and I never made any point upon myself of what good deeds that I did in the past could grant me this bless.
If this is another test, I gotta be honest God, this is terribly hard. I'm awaken in a very strange emotions that no dictionaries can describe, no fortune teller can guess, no language can translate, and no nerves can respond. This is strange, beautifully strange.
I almost failed to believe that you're real, that's why people say "reality bites". But hey, look at this! The only reality that bites is that one day I'm sure of letting the beauty go and survive with what's left.
God, who the fuck is this man you've sent me? I'm powerless towards your mercy and I never made any point upon myself of what good deeds that I did in the past could grant me this bless.
If this is another test, I gotta be honest God, this is terribly hard. I'm awaken in a very strange emotions that no dictionaries can describe, no fortune teller can guess, no language can translate, and no nerves can respond. This is strange, beautifully strange.
Wednesday 14 November 2012
Something is wrong with my mind map.
This post will probably be a joking material for psychology students and researchers. Hell yeah! It is another parenting post. About how a couple act as parents and affect their children's behaviour in treating them. Let me draw 3 main aspects to be analysed here; respect, interactiveness and ... Let's skip number three until i finish a few more paragraphs.
1. Respect
I firstly wondered what if my parents bred me in a serious and strict way. They have been very fun, loving and in-educative to me and my siblings. They reflect their friendliness yet authoritarian style of parenting that made me (i can't have a say for my brothers) feel like they are my bossy friends. Yes, friends but bossy.
Not to mention how grateful I am raised by them, but I think their background affects the way they treat kids; they were fighters and they would always do anything to make their living better. Considering as our economy aspect grew quite stable, my littlest brother, compared to me, came up quite more relaxed in terms of financial situation, hence or parents didn't make a big deal out of how much we spend to live this life. Again, this answers why me and my littlest brother have different perspective in seeing and using an asking for money.
Anyway, in summary, respect was built from the way parents present and represent themselves in front of their children. Once you're a friendly person, they will 'buddy' you and you gotta balance this in by drawing a clear line whether one second you guys are friends, and another second you are their older ancestor whom respect should be paid. Not funny, huh, poked by your son while you're preaching about how doors should always be locked by the last person who comes home? Respect your spouse, too, hence your kids know how to respect their other parent. Don't fight in front of your kids, stay mature and loving, at least show them that you are. Make them see what you want them to see from you. Be always aware of it.
2. Interactiveness
This is closely related to respect, however, i was meaning to focus on how kids treat their parents and vice versa.
It is very very wise for parents to set up a mind of their kids to be "constructively criticising" regarding human error possibility. No matter how old a person can be, mistakes are inevitable and human always needs each other to remind and correct them. This social Garfunkel circumstance creates the mind of sportive, competitive and open minded of kids. Let them build, take and give criticism in a wise way, including to parents.
Sometimes parents feel like they are just too "mature" to even listen to what pointed out wrong to them. Parents make mistakes and mostly using those as an excuse to be a "see, don't make mistakes like i did, son?" therapy instead of teaching kids how to prevent them.
Moreover, they are mostly reluctant to just ask "son, what do you think i can do to overcome this matter?". Normal, I would say this is normal. They're parents, and they are naturally more expert in living a tough life. They just sometimes cannot see how open and constructive interactiveness are also for their own good as parents and for kids psychological development. Kids take out and learn social and psychological patterns from their parents; some in a destructive way, some in a positive way. Being an open parents does not make you look bad or weak or dumb. A good approach will make you even look wiser, fun, and not-scray-but-respectful parents.
3. Openness
(Finally figured out what to write here.)
Most parents want their kids to not just being honest towards questions, but also being opened about ANYTHING. Be ridiculous, but once someone becomes true parents, this desire just exists. They definitely want the best for their kids, hence they want every tiny truth and details regarding their kids' life. Unfortunately, this is so hard.
People have their own individual right and preferences to tell what to who on when. And just because a woman gave birth to a kid, does not mean this kid must tell everything to this mom. Neither does the mom, no need to actually tell every single thing to a kid. Closeness and psychological proximity do not make someone a half of someone else's. Being opened is an individual's choice.
Parents cannot force their kids to be very opened. BUT they can plant the image of wellness and beauty in telling secrets or things. Just like a supply and demand theory; you must provide sufficient space in your heart to every cent story your kids would tell you on your (both direct and indirect demand). Show them what you are capable of in terms of hearing and offering comments and solutions, and let them choose what and how much they can tell you. Freedom gives kids nothing but comfort, and there is nothing more desired than talking to a comfortable person in a comfort situation and ambience, with a comforting outcome. The domino effect.
Tell them your secret, so they learn two things; it is okay to tell secrets to the person you trust, and once you're told a secret, keep it. Double impact without hurting their right and preferences to tell what to parents.
Never ever implying a secret will be told back when you've given up your secret to them. Be pure and show them that you tell your secret because you trust them, not because you want something in return. Be pure and generous in trusting kids.
So, after all this rumbling thought, i have no guarantee at all to be a good parent one day. I just learn, like all humans do in life.
1. Respect
I firstly wondered what if my parents bred me in a serious and strict way. They have been very fun, loving and in-educative to me and my siblings. They reflect their friendliness yet authoritarian style of parenting that made me (i can't have a say for my brothers) feel like they are my bossy friends. Yes, friends but bossy.
Not to mention how grateful I am raised by them, but I think their background affects the way they treat kids; they were fighters and they would always do anything to make their living better. Considering as our economy aspect grew quite stable, my littlest brother, compared to me, came up quite more relaxed in terms of financial situation, hence or parents didn't make a big deal out of how much we spend to live this life. Again, this answers why me and my littlest brother have different perspective in seeing and using an asking for money.
Anyway, in summary, respect was built from the way parents present and represent themselves in front of their children. Once you're a friendly person, they will 'buddy' you and you gotta balance this in by drawing a clear line whether one second you guys are friends, and another second you are their older ancestor whom respect should be paid. Not funny, huh, poked by your son while you're preaching about how doors should always be locked by the last person who comes home? Respect your spouse, too, hence your kids know how to respect their other parent. Don't fight in front of your kids, stay mature and loving, at least show them that you are. Make them see what you want them to see from you. Be always aware of it.
2. Interactiveness
This is closely related to respect, however, i was meaning to focus on how kids treat their parents and vice versa.
It is very very wise for parents to set up a mind of their kids to be "constructively criticising" regarding human error possibility. No matter how old a person can be, mistakes are inevitable and human always needs each other to remind and correct them. This social Garfunkel circumstance creates the mind of sportive, competitive and open minded of kids. Let them build, take and give criticism in a wise way, including to parents.
Sometimes parents feel like they are just too "mature" to even listen to what pointed out wrong to them. Parents make mistakes and mostly using those as an excuse to be a "see, don't make mistakes like i did, son?" therapy instead of teaching kids how to prevent them.
Moreover, they are mostly reluctant to just ask "son, what do you think i can do to overcome this matter?". Normal, I would say this is normal. They're parents, and they are naturally more expert in living a tough life. They just sometimes cannot see how open and constructive interactiveness are also for their own good as parents and for kids psychological development. Kids take out and learn social and psychological patterns from their parents; some in a destructive way, some in a positive way. Being an open parents does not make you look bad or weak or dumb. A good approach will make you even look wiser, fun, and not-scray-but-respectful parents.
3. Openness
(Finally figured out what to write here.)
Most parents want their kids to not just being honest towards questions, but also being opened about ANYTHING. Be ridiculous, but once someone becomes true parents, this desire just exists. They definitely want the best for their kids, hence they want every tiny truth and details regarding their kids' life. Unfortunately, this is so hard.
People have their own individual right and preferences to tell what to who on when. And just because a woman gave birth to a kid, does not mean this kid must tell everything to this mom. Neither does the mom, no need to actually tell every single thing to a kid. Closeness and psychological proximity do not make someone a half of someone else's. Being opened is an individual's choice.
Parents cannot force their kids to be very opened. BUT they can plant the image of wellness and beauty in telling secrets or things. Just like a supply and demand theory; you must provide sufficient space in your heart to every cent story your kids would tell you on your (both direct and indirect demand). Show them what you are capable of in terms of hearing and offering comments and solutions, and let them choose what and how much they can tell you. Freedom gives kids nothing but comfort, and there is nothing more desired than talking to a comfortable person in a comfort situation and ambience, with a comforting outcome. The domino effect.
Tell them your secret, so they learn two things; it is okay to tell secrets to the person you trust, and once you're told a secret, keep it. Double impact without hurting their right and preferences to tell what to parents.
Never ever implying a secret will be told back when you've given up your secret to them. Be pure and show them that you tell your secret because you trust them, not because you want something in return. Be pure and generous in trusting kids.
So, after all this rumbling thought, i have no guarantee at all to be a good parent one day. I just learn, like all humans do in life.
Monday 12 November 2012
i feel like banging my head on the wall.
firstly, screw this keyboard on a huge laptop. I'm always use to with small laptop screen at home, and since I'm away-but-cannot-help-to write so I'm gonna struggle anyway.
This post came after a serious but unimportant discussion with, you know, I don't feel like defining him right now, someone. There was an ad, catching my attention about why using the word "popular" in an ad whereas it's implying the product is mainstream and so commonly used by people. Assuming an individual does want anything to be as personalised and distinctive as possible, this term "popular" never makes sense. Anyway, it came to our conclusion that; some products are meant to be targeted for many people, hence it must be presented as a good quality product so people would convinced that this particular product worth the price and the popularity. Another thing is, some other products are made to be as special as possible, such as fashion and other luxurious products, so the promotion will never mention about how "popular" this brand is. It also came to my thought that the word "popular" will not come unless the sales report and projection have proved so. Then the reciprocal relationship must go in sales to ad, not ad first before sales; meaning this product has shown its greatness first before promoted as "popular".
Next discussion was about how relationship should be. Too bad I don't have the time to talk about this now, I've got to run for a bloody morning flight home. So, I'll write up later!
By the way, I recall the curse to this huge keyboard, because it has BRITISH TYPING MODE!! I love it!
This post came after a serious but unimportant discussion with, you know, I don't feel like defining him right now, someone. There was an ad, catching my attention about why using the word "popular" in an ad whereas it's implying the product is mainstream and so commonly used by people. Assuming an individual does want anything to be as personalised and distinctive as possible, this term "popular" never makes sense. Anyway, it came to our conclusion that; some products are meant to be targeted for many people, hence it must be presented as a good quality product so people would convinced that this particular product worth the price and the popularity. Another thing is, some other products are made to be as special as possible, such as fashion and other luxurious products, so the promotion will never mention about how "popular" this brand is. It also came to my thought that the word "popular" will not come unless the sales report and projection have proved so. Then the reciprocal relationship must go in sales to ad, not ad first before sales; meaning this product has shown its greatness first before promoted as "popular".
Next discussion was about how relationship should be. Too bad I don't have the time to talk about this now, I've got to run for a bloody morning flight home. So, I'll write up later!
By the way, I recall the curse to this huge keyboard, because it has BRITISH TYPING MODE!! I love it!
Thursday 1 November 2012
these things i'll never say...
GOOD LORD IT'S NOVEMBER!
This month is gonna me a massive mobile me. I'm travelling to many places for work, social and friendship. Let's just begin a business trip to site office out of town. I'd be dead if I don't have a great great company to fill me in here. Dude, the workload was so confusing and I wish I could really pick up on someone just to throw all the shit in my head. I love being busy.
And then a visit to a capital city of Eastern part of the island. This one, a bestfriend of mine kind of want me around, catching up stories, which most likely gonna be spent by her listening to all my life-bullshit and self confusion of which way to take and which turn to make. She's adorable, I call her my best friend.
Next week, I'm hitting my head on a short holiday to a neighbour country. A friend's wedding and a quick escape with brother. We're gonna have so much fun, I can tell. We need this holiday anyway.
At the end of the month, guess it's another shit load with work and the business plan that I am currently into. I should stop forgetting my car in office, forgetting fuelling it, forgetting that I haven't got any lunch, and forgetting where I am standing at. It sucks sometimes when you've got so many things to do but so little time. Tell me I'm a human, as I'm making mistakes for the most of my life. I rarely learn, I just often run. Because sweating is equal to throwing the pain and ache away.
This month is gonna me a massive mobile me. I'm travelling to many places for work, social and friendship. Let's just begin a business trip to site office out of town. I'd be dead if I don't have a great great company to fill me in here. Dude, the workload was so confusing and I wish I could really pick up on someone just to throw all the shit in my head. I love being busy.
And then a visit to a capital city of Eastern part of the island. This one, a bestfriend of mine kind of want me around, catching up stories, which most likely gonna be spent by her listening to all my life-bullshit and self confusion of which way to take and which turn to make. She's adorable, I call her my best friend.
Next week, I'm hitting my head on a short holiday to a neighbour country. A friend's wedding and a quick escape with brother. We're gonna have so much fun, I can tell. We need this holiday anyway.
At the end of the month, guess it's another shit load with work and the business plan that I am currently into. I should stop forgetting my car in office, forgetting fuelling it, forgetting that I haven't got any lunch, and forgetting where I am standing at. It sucks sometimes when you've got so many things to do but so little time. Tell me I'm a human, as I'm making mistakes for the most of my life. I rarely learn, I just often run. Because sweating is equal to throwing the pain and ache away.
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