#245 - did I promise anyone anything?

the only thing that I am so bad at is keeping promise. today, for the most glorious day of my life, I succeeded making people satisfy by what I have done.

"terima kasih semuanya sudah hadir di acara perhimpunan pekerja muda hari ini. saya nggak mau bertele-tele kasih sambutan yang hanya akan bikin rekan sekalian muak sama saya. saya jelas cuma mau bersyukur kepada Tuhan semesta alam yang sudah melancarkan semua urusan kita, memberikan kesehatan dan terus melindungi kita semua. saya juga nggak lupa berterima kasih kepada rekan catering yang mau capek masak untuk hidangan sedap hari ini, jangan khawatir, saya yakin sedap kok karena terlihat dari susunannya di meja prasmanan sana" I pointed out the long table with buffet set. I think it looked delicious, really, it smelled good and my eating appetite suddenly cut my speech off.

"mari semuanya, dengan ini saya resmi buka acara perhimpunan pekerja muda 2019. sukses untuk kita semua, dan sukses untuk masa yang akan datang. selamat siang" I pleased the guests to enjoy the meal and popped onto several group coherently.

been hearing they are going to support the local campaign about environment and sustainability, which I myself am so keen to it. they have also been planning to conduct and undermine local people to exaggerate the environment awareness by improving recycle flow. old issue, I know, yet I am sophisticated by the way they managed their spirit and innovation to ameliorate the better world and surrounding.

I just realised that, people against us, below us and behind us, are those who have given us so much learning inspiration. I would therefore never stop learning from them.

tell me what you think about autumn and procrastination

autumn is inevitably something that i always fall for. i have got so many assignments and things to do in this season. this year, is the reverse version of last year. i used to enjoy myself in peace, holiday and relaxation every year end. this year, is somehow fantastically different; i am busy and occupied.

no, no.. hold on. i love it. as i always love to be busy and occupied.

what matter is, this business lately sort of engage me with tonnes of new things to adapt.

the disjuncture of my current mind box is totally exhilarating. i get to see what i have never seen before, i cope myself to do things that i have been imagined of. and i come to the corner where everything seems so blurry yet awesome.

regardless how many people are going to scream their envious thoughts and inspirations, i find myself behaving as what my back brain told me to. my heart is unable to react to any sensitive thing, then this insensitivity arouse me to care more about what is written in the book and how it has discrepancies with what happens in the reality.

i no longer think that kissing is romantic, it is pathetic instead. falling in love is not beautiful, it is pitiful. i surrender my warm heart to wherever the wind of autumn would blow it. i lost every sense of feeling any emotions surreptitiously. i lost my energy to undertake the desire of looking back, and i lost my willingness to keep what i thought was worth keeping.

i think god is always right. he writes everything smoothly no matter how painful it sometimes can be. i just think i need to stand stronger and behold all the ideas i have been deferred. i just, need to see clearer view of god's elaboration in the universe, in the world of my mind and in the prescription of heart recovery. i think i need my really self to analyse and criticise what i have been thinking.

btw, why this blogger template never allow me to type any british accent without any reluctant? LOL.

lovely foggy Saturday

just another report. I found myself astounded by the fog around my flat.

it is a bright day and breezy weather. oh, how I adore autumn.

I can't wait to go home, and return back here to finish my first semester exam.

I need a distraction.

what you don't know

I am listening to dubstep, far before i stepped my feet in the UK.
I love trance, quite a long time ago since i was still in high school.
I do sports, i cannot live without moving my body, i sometimes dance.
I enjoy eating, I am always learning to cook though i never be able to.
I crave knowledge and new things,  i cannot stand knowing what i know because i do not know anything.
I plan lots of things, however you think i ended up ignoring and changing things.
I feel the pain, i smile at most of the time but it does not mean i am numb.
I write things, i say them often, and also write some, things that i cannot say.
I live to travel. staying in one place makes me itchy and useless.
I like helping people, seeing other happy is my pleasure and my remedy.
I predict, i assume as if i know what might positively happen, just to make myself better.
I make network, i make friends, i am spontaneous and envious.
I run, i always run as if time is running after me and i compete with myself.
I sigh for things that i think i must have done better, i learn a little and work  a lot.
I am addicted to being busy, anything that occupies me, i simply love it.
what you don't know?

breaking the autumn

"oops., sorry, did I hit you?" gua kaget banget ada orang di balik pintu musholla kampus. pintu dorong itu mungkin kena kaki atau badannya tadi.
"umm, no.. I'm fine" cowok itu senyum ramah dan mempersilahkan gua lewat sebelum dia masuk. Gua membatin kegantengan cowok itu, aksennya sih Inggris kental, tapi mukanya timur tengah. Tinggi, kurus dan muslim. Rambutnya berantakan, nggak keriting dan nggak disisir rapi.

"Shoot!! I am so sorry!" gua menumbuk badan tinggi dengan papan skateboard dari balik pintu perpustakaan.
"Oh, damn. Are you okay?" agaknya cowok kurus tinggi ini khawatir juga sama muka gua yang panik dan merah karena kedinginan.
"Yeah, I am sorry, I didn't know you were there with that board in front of you" gua beneran yakin kali ini papan besar itu pasti kena perutnya paling nggak.
"no, no, it hit me, but I am fine, I thought you were shocked and bounced back by the door" dia balik nanya dan panik karena gua kayak kaget banget kena pintu itu.
"I'm okay, thank you and sorry again." setelah meyakinkan kalo gua nggak apa, gua berlalu menuju kantin kampus.
"Hold on! were you the girl that I saw in the club last Friday?" dia menahan gua dan bertanya sambil berpikir sebentar
"I don't think so, I stayed at home last Friday, sorry. Do I look like someone you have met?" senyum di bibir gua kayaknya udah cukup manis untuk  nggebet cowok skater botak ini.
"Oh, right, I must have mistaken then. no probs. I'll catch you later. bye" dia pergi duluan ke dalam perpustakaan, gua cuma menggeleng dan menunggu dia diusir dari perpustakaan karena propertinya yang segede itu. Dan bener, baru lima langkah di anak tangga menuju kantin, suara itu lagi muncul.
"Excuse me, I think you left this?" dia menunjukkan kartu mahasiswa gua. Oh tololnya, gua lupa ngambil kartu itu dari mesin log-out perpustakaan tadi. Gua lompat ke depan pintu perpustakaan, mengabaikan berapa pasang mata yang melihat aneh tingkah gua turun dari anak tangga itu.
"Wow, thank you very much. I didn't even know I lost this. Thank you!" gua menyambut kartu itu dengan girang macam baru liat MU mengalahkan City dengan skor telak 5-0.
"You're welcome, Past" dia menyerahkan kartu gua dengan senyum puas bisa tau nama gua, dan tentu saja gua nggak mau kalah. "That's cheating, you don't write your name in your skate board. I can't guess" gua menggaruk kepala polos. Dia kembali dengan senyumnya itu, "You can ask"
"Yeah, next time. Thanks!" gua beranjak dan kali ini melewati dua anak tangga dalam sekali langkah. Membayangkan gimana mukanya ngeliat gua pergi tanpa tau dan terlihat mau tau namanya.


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