The Death

A couple of weeks ago, I remember, I was writing about the perks of being famous; one of them is to be remembered when you're dead.

Today, one of important people in LSPR, MA Tomasouw passed away. He has suffered from heart attack and the one that finally took him away was cancer. Actually, I didn't know him personally and never had any chance to get close to him in any turn. I've just heard about him,  seen him once at graduation, he was smiling on his wheelchair, congratulating graduates and wandered around as if he was a normal person who enjoyed the celebratory of graduation. 

Moreover on the day of his death, I read more than enough notes, and sadness from people that I know who love him.

He's very inspirational, he's strong and always smiled. He's the brightest and the wisest, I can tell. What I'm trying to mesmerise is that how much people adore, respect, and miss him. 

I don't know what to write anymore. I'm sad.

Especially realising and imagining how much people will remember me if I die.

I never expect to have such remarkable sadness and condolences from people, I don't know if I'd made any memorable things amongst the people I know. I'm just wondering, if I die, how will people react. 

That matters to me for a bit. Death is probably the top climax point where we can absolutely realise how much we have done and made during our life-time. How much people care and grateful of our presence, and more importantly, it's the point when we wanted to know, what's left of us.

Did I leave something good and useful for the people that I know and I care?  Did I make good memories and impressions? Did the people who I hurt forgave me already? Did any debt that I had has been paid? Did I leave any promise unfulfilled? And many other questions that I cannot think of.

Too bad when we pass away, we didn't even have any chance to answer those questions. We leave certain marks that only people can tell and feel and see and hear.
This kind of thing, matters to me. 

Day #500 I have loved you for

It's not yet the longest miles I've gone through. I remember the days that I did not stop thinking of breaking up with you. I wondered if I'm happy and if this is what relationship is. I wondered if you're worth the effort and the tears. I wondered if the times that we spent and the fights that we did were all for one good reason. I wondered if you were happy as I always wanted you too. I wondered if you ever realised how much sometimes I was hurt by your words or your attitude. I wondered if you have ever hated me, and hid it just to avoid conflict. I wondered these days that we've been through.

But you know what?

The fact that I love you holds me down from thinking of going away from you.

The fact that I love you calms down my anger and disappointment.
The fact that I love you opens my eyes that you love me too.
The fact that I love you heals every sadness and exhaustion.
The fact that I love you strengthens me from giving up.
The fact that I love you makes me stay. No matter what.

And I have loved you for five hundred days. Thinking of going another five hundreds?
I don't know. All I know is I love you. And I want to keep doing so until indefinite time and days.

Belajar Dari Bunglon

So sick of quoting life wisdoms. I read them too often, bahkan saking seringnya, gue sampe nyinyirin semua quotes tentang hidup.

Hidup dan bersosialisasi itu ibarat survival method-nya bunglon. Dia berhasil bertahan dari buruan musuhnya karena dia bisa beradaptasi melalui perubahan warna kulit di tempat dimana dia berada; kayu, rumput, tanah, dsb.

Sekilas sepicik mirip kayak "muka dua" yah, alias gak punya jati diri. Menurut gue mah sebaliknya; jati dirinya adalah easy going dan adaptable. 

Nggak banyak orang yang punya skill nge-bunglon. Menurut gue orang-orang ini ya berprinsip "gue ya gue, gak mau pretend jadi apa yang bukan gue". Padahal ada juga kelebihan dan keuntungannya mudah dan MAU beradaptasi; more friends, more things to kearn and more experiences.

Bukan salah juga sih kalo ada orang yang berpendapat karakter bunglon itu plin-plan dan suka menjilat supaya aman dan bisa diterima. Mereka juga memilih "mending gua gak banyak temen tapi sedikit temen yang beneran temen itu terima gue apa adanya", again, bukan hal yang salah, ya itu pilihan mereka untuk menjadi seorang individu yang determinan dan karakternya teguh.

Tapi gue justru berpendapat sebaliknya; karakter bunglon adalah kelebihan yang gak bisa dimiliki banyak orang. Then at some point, they survive better and longer in any more difficult circumstances.

So, dari sekarang gue pengen lebih banyak introspeksi diri dan belajar dari karakter bunglon. Bukan sebagai muka dua, penjilat atau gak berkarakter, melainkan sebagai individu yang adaptable, sabar dan memahami potensi diri untuk berada di lingkungan sosial yang bervariasi.

Kamu gimana?

I dedicate this award to my parents.

So I was asked (or slightly pushed) by a senior lecturer in my uni where I work to join a speech contest. It was a 5-minutes presentation competition. I thought "oh shit what would I say? this sounds like an academic smart pants event" then I said "oke deh ma'am saya coba ya" for all I hope this is just like a bully thing for new lecturers. I like talking anyway, I just need to find a good topic that I could master and present.

After thinking and browsing for a while, I was reminded to this funny and interesting ad about bus and I tried to relate it with a theory that is not too hard but also interesting. Ta da~ I came up with a rhetoric approach on advertising!

On the D-day of the competition, it was a Lecturers Convention btw, I was bloody nervous. I drawed as the very last contestant to present and my fellow lecturers were all so prepared and when it came to my turn, I barely felt my knees. I was sooooooo nervous as I knew all the audiences will be the judge and vote for the winner, and all of them are Professors, Doctors and senior lecturers. MAN!!! One of my friend was presenting about political campaign and another competitor was talking about something philosophical meanwhile I was only trashing about advertising and an old theory about rhetoric. So so so so undermined.

When it came to my turn, I just danced, figuratively on stage. For only five minutes, I cannot be serious and formal, so I spoke in English where I could hide all my asshole-ness in speaking frankly, and I was glad the audience understood what I was saying although I believe I spoke a little bit too fast, but most of them nodded and smiled, that's more than enough.

I received a quite well applause when I step off from the stage and relieved it was over. After a short-break, I WAS ANNOUNCED AS THE WINNER!!!! Hurrah!
I didn't know how to feel, I did not feel or think I was about to win at all, so I was pretty shocked and happy at the same time. Mom, Dad, this is for you :)

Cerita Share-tea dan Shihlin

Abel itu...

Lovely. Ngeselin, tapi lovely.

Sepulang dari nonton film tadi malem, kami jalan menelusuri food court PIM 2 menuju Shihlin; wacananya gue mau bungkus buat sarapan. Lalu Abel bilang "aduh lagi batuk gitu ga usah Shihlin deh lada merica pedes, yang lain aja"

Lalu gue nurut, bener juga, makin parah batuk gue nanti kalo ngikutin nafsu. Akhirnya beli burger.

Trus Abel komen clutch bag baru gue, "gak ribet ya bawa tas ga ada pegangannya gitu harus diketekin?"

Gue jawab "nggaklah ini justru praktis gak nyakitin pundak atau punggung"

Lantas Abel bilang "ya tapi kan tangannya jadi gak bebas"

Simpel, gue hajar "ya tanganku bebas juga ga ada yang megangin" 

Sekedip kode terbaca, telusupan tangan gue di lengan Abel dipindahkannya ke tangannya. Hore gandengan!

Sampe di lantai basement, sebelum menuju mobil, gue menunjuk gerai Share-tea. Spontan uhuy gue berseru "aku mau share-tea!"

Kata Abel "yaudah beli"

Selang beberapa menit, kami menyaksikan abangnya meracik pesanan gue. Waktu es batu mulai dishake dengan minumannya, Abel ngingetin lagi "kamu kok minum es lagi? Batuk lho"

Abang Share-tea bilang "no ice kan kak?" Lantas menuang minuman tanpa es batu ke gelas baru. Gue lanjutin "wek ga pake es wekk!"

"Ya tetep aja dingin."

Somehow gue terpaku, lalu lemah menjawab "iyadeh nunggu gak dingin baru diminum"

"Ah kamu laper mata aja kan" gue hanya tersipu sependengarannya.

Sampe mobil, Abel menggerutu kecil "kamu nih lagi batuk, shihlin lah, bubble tea lah. Ck!"

Gue hanya tersipu menyeruput bubble tea rasa teh tarik madu.

Sebenernya hal-hal kecil dan ke-grumpy-an Abel ini yang bikin gue makin sayang.

Rela deh di-grumpy-in dan dicuekin tangannya setiap jalan bareng, gak masalah flame dan lovey dovey nggak se-antusias dulu awal pacaran, rela banget asal bisa terus merasakan bahagianya disayangin apa adanya. :)

Selamat tanggal tujuh, kesayangan.

Jakarta, 7 Maret 2014. 12:00.