misread

"She showed me her middle finger" Chad mengusap kepalanya bagian belakang, bicara dengan penuh emosi ke Louis, sahabatnya.

"That's horrible! Who's she?" Louis menggigit apel pengganti makan siangnya sambil memperhatikan garis-garis risau di wajah Chad.
"I have no idea, if I had any chance to see her again, I surely would ask her why" Chad menghembuskan nafas panjang, berharap takdir akan mempertemukannya lagi dengan wanita itu.






-the morning after-
"Hey you, yeah, we met like last week in the station. Remember me?" Chad menahan pintu supermarket selangkah sebelum seluruh tubuh mungil Silvia beranjak meninggalkan dunia Chad untuk kedua kalinya.
"No, who're you?" tentu saja Silvia hanya mengerutkan kening
"Ok, it's Chad. Nice to see you" 
"No Chad, who are you? To me?" Silvia mencoba mengingat lagi siapa Chad ini.
"Right, look, last week when we met, we talked, about this and that, until a station you're meant to go off, I was like asking your name and your number, but you showed me this" Chad mengangkat jari tengahnya sejajar leher Silvia dan Silvia menekuk lehernya ke kanan, mencoba memahami maksud pembicaraan Chad. Ia tersentak mengingat seminggu lalu di stasiun kereta saat coach yang ditumpanginya berlalu melewatinya meninggalkan potongan wajah Chad di jendela yang menunggu-nunggu nama dan nomer telponnya.


"Oh, sorry, were you the guy with the baseball hat whose foot I stepped on?"
"Yeah, yeah, you were with your red coat! Remember me?" Chad tersenyum sangat lebar merasakan memori Silvia sudah kembali di saat ia yakin sekali melihat jari tengah Silvia di balik jubah tebal berbulu malam itu.
"Oh, yes..oh no. How could you be here? I mean what happened? Um.."
"Well, I just wanted to ask, why did you give me that finger? Did you hate me?"
"No, no. I'm sorry for the misperception, I didn't mean to be rude. I was just showing this," Silvia mengangkat jari manisnya, menunjukkan cincin berlian kecil dari balik sweaternya yang menutupi hampir seluruh pergelangan tangan sampai ke jari jemari, "to let you know that... " ia berhenti memandang Chad sambil memainkan cincin itu di jari manisnya, "I am engaged, I can't give you my number. But yeah, it's Silvia. Nice to see you, Chad"

anything else that i could do to assist you? (part 3)

"thank you very much for your assistance, I really have no idea what my family would be without your advise" "oh please, this dinner is just...too luxurious to a marriage consultant like me!" "please accept my gratefulness..." "I hope your parents will be okay and they will last. They look good together anyway" "yeah, I hope so. I keen to make them happier han before, especially when me and my siblings are out of the city for most of our time" "I was so glad to be a part of their joy" "are you glad as well going out with me tonight?" :)

NHS is mattering my vein.

the only painful thing in my life is to be unable to help. i don't want to blame god for giving me such small vein hence the needle in blood centre could not suit it, i just wonder if there is any other alternative i could go through to do this. before i die, i want to donate my blood. that simple god. please, please, please let me get what i want.

anything else that I could do to assist you? (part 2)

"SURPRISE!!!!" Mr and Mrs Reiss tersentak dari televisi mereka. Sekitar delapan sampai sepuluh kawan dekat mereka yang sudah lama tidak bertemu tiba-tiba muncul membawa banyak hadiah dan satu loyang kue tart bertuliskan "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY".

Mr Reiss tersenyum lebar nyaris tertawa menyapa semua orang disitu.

"I can't even remember this day is my anniversary with Anne. Happy anniversary, honey!" Ia mengecup kening istrinya hangat lalu melanjutkan bincang dengan para tamu yang mengejutkannya. Sesekali ia mencuri pandang ke arah Anne dan tersenyum saat Anne menyadari tatapannya.

"How could you guys be here? I am totally astounded by all this. I miss you, all of you...."Mrs Reiss adalah sosok ramah yang senang bicara dan bercerita. Ia menanyakan kabar semua orang dan tetap akan berakhir dengan ceritanya sendiri, tentang apapun.

"Okay, okay. Now tell me, who is the creator of all this craziness?? You, Ed?" Mrs Reiss menyita perhatian tamu satu ruangan. Whiskey di tangannya masih segelas penuh dan senyumnya belum hilang. Tidak ada jawaban dari Ed atau siapapun di ruangan itu. Mr Reiss turut larut dalam rasa penasaran "come on, we have been friends since ages ago, tell me who? was this your idea, Luke?"

"No, actually...well, we are just going to..umm.. we just want to celebrate your happiness guys, you have been a couple since teenagers and nothing tears you apart. salute!!!" Luke menjawab keras dan mengangkat gelas champagne ke tengah kerumunan hangat. Semua orang menyambut sulangan tersebut dan kembali riuh.

"cheers!!!"

"no, no, wait.. I need to know. Come one, tell me! hahaha" tawa renyah Mrs Reiss menyela riuhnya tawa dan sambutan di ruangan tamu mereka.

"well, I don't know if we were supposed to hide this from them, guys" suara Mrs Greens menjawab dengan ragu namun tetap terdengar.

"Yeah, I agree Rose, I think we nee to tell them that they're children are the best in the universe" tiba-tiba Mr Greens menyahut istrinya, diikuti anggukan dan gumam tanda setuju dari delapan orang lainnya.

"Our children?" Mr Reiss tertegun, kehilangan senyumnya dan menatap penuh arti pada Anne.

"I don't know, sweetheart, they didn't tell me they are here" Mrs Reiss ragu mengatakan responnya terhadap tatapan Mr Reiss.

"HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MOM! DAD!" teriakan itu terdengar serempak dari pintu depan dekat taman mereka,

"we know you have been going through so many hard times and tidal waves after all this time. this is our appreciation as your toughness, kindness and patience." 

"as a couple, parents, heroes and everything in this world that we have is nothing compared to your passionate love to us. please accept our nothingness today."

"flown from Miami, Manchester and Nebraska, just to be here, on your special day. happy anniversary!"

"Oh dear"

cloudy morning report

this report was made by a reckless master student. stuck in the cloudy wednesday morning with tons of works to do but no idea at all. this was supposed to be a fiction writing, so let's make it.

it happened yesterday. i was crossing the street down to my residences, just bought a box of eggs and a pack of cigarettes. i was dying of being alone in that big mansion. my parents left me, going out of town for a business trip. my girlfriend left me, going for a school project. i am the only son of the family. it was actually a shame since i've just visited my parents for like once a month, and this time they left. i was alone.

i pushed my front door half mad and dropped my eggs. thank god they were fine. i would do nothing with the eggs anyway, was just thinking to scramble them and mix them with sausage and make a sandwich. waiting for the toaster, i called my girlfriend.

"hi babe, how's it??"
"this is horrible, lots of uncooperative people!! i wanna go home, like now, baby!!"
"whoa,, what happened?"
"i was..." i heard her started crying "doing the writing for the speech, suddenly the secretary passed by and spilled her coffee in my notebook. it crashed and i cannot type anymore. then i tried to write down, and suddenly the kid of a lecturer ran by me and stepped on my fingers as i was writing in the grass. i hate it, i hate being here!"
"darling, i am so so sorry to know that. what can i do to ease you?"
"i don't know. i wanna go home, J" 

i talked to her like twenty minutes, comfort her and reassure her everything is gonna be okay. i promised to pick her up this weekend and somehow it healed. the talking healed. i mean, i wasn't the only person with the worst pain in this world. it looked like everyone really has a problem in their life, and i too. then i know by helping people in misery -although it's just in form of listening- is really helpful to ourselves.

i finished eating my failed sandwich, and again, feeling lonely alone in that big mansion. such a horrible cloudy and gloomy morning, still.

anything else that i could do to assist you?

hello! my name is Louis. I've read you guys are making an appointment to see me to talk about marriage. do you mind helping me figure out about your marriage, first of all?

umm,,well, it's a..umm..twenty eight years..

I see, it has been a long way to go. how is it? what's the problem?

we,,umm.... this is not like what you've thought..this is....

don't worry. this counseling is not just for those couples who are facing crisis. This moment is also a chance for you to improve your marriage. Feel free to tell me everything.

I don't... well.. as you know, we would like to have this marriage to..you know, kind last...without being bothered of any affair if it happens.

yeah, yeah, no worries. tell me the problem. do you fall in love with another man or woman?

no, it's not me.

well, maybe you, Mrs ...... Reiss ? anything you want to share?

me? um.. no, it's not me.

oh, dear. come on. then what do we gotta do to make everything better for you? I would be very pleased to hear any complains or concerns, maybe fears or frustration?

actually.. we came here, to ask you something.

sure! carry on!

could come to our house and see what can we work out about what's inside?

ooh, well. I thought you guys could just share and tell me what happened.

no, because we can't tell. but you can see. I mean, it's not about us.

what is it?

we are..siblings. he is my brother, and our parents are getting a divorce. you gotta help us out.

ooh.

tres bien, mon Dieu

the worst distraction saat menulis essay adalah 1) playlist itunes, 2) kabar dari pacar 3) blogger. saya nggak pengen cerita apa-apa, kebanyakan diomongin aja (sama tembok kamar mandi) dari pada ditulis di blog. saya ngomong sendiri waktu duduk di kloset, dan saya jelas berbisik sendiri di bilik shower setiap selesai mandi "we fought last night, was that a fight? that was forgivable".

saya kangen sama garis merah di bawah setiap kata yang saya ketik di microsoft word, saya kangen sama macet dan panasnya udara jakarta, saya kangen sama sumpah serapah adik saya setiap nyetir, dan saya kangen sama bentakan dan omelan orang tua saya. how blissful my life is.

dua ratus kata dalam lima belas menit itu prestasi bukan sih? ini ngomongin essay lho, bukan ngomongin postingb blog. soalnya saya lagi stuck dan masih nggak percaya saya ada di suatu kamar di lantai lima, apartemen kemahasiswaan tingkat awal jurusan komunikasi untuk titel master. rasanya kemarin baru di bully sama temen seangkatan waktu SMP, dan rasanya baru merasakan ciuman sama seorang senior di SMA yang saya taksir. sepuluh tahun yang lalu, masa dimana sekolah di inggris hanya ada di buku diary. sepuluh tahun lalu, dimana seorang guru menyarankan saya untuk menyisir rambut saya tiap mau ke sekolah. time kills, time runs.

kalo kamera netbook saya bisa ngomong, dia pasti muak banget liat muka datar saya mengetik ini, mengetik essay dan membaca buku di hadapannya. kamera saya pasti jijik liat senyum saya tiap skype sama pacar dan teman saya. kamera netbook ini juga pasti nangis liat saya kangen sama kasur saya di jakarta. duh, benda mati.

absurd.
saya lagi nggak kepengen ngapa-ngapain, dari tadi cuma nari, baca ini, baca itu, ketik sana, ketik sini, nari lagi.
absurd.
ini adalah moment yang luar biasa kalo dipake untuk nulis postingan. selain anonymous-anonymous yang baca posting saya, saya sendiri sering geli melihat postingan saya beberapa waktu ke belakang. miris ya.

tulisan itu, sebenernya untuk ditertawakan. sungguh, kalo saya sampe nangis baca suatu tulisan, itu bukan tulisan deh. semacam sihir misterius yang menggugah hati saya untuk memerintah otak supaya kelenjar air mata dan pangkal hidung terperas dan bekerja agak keras supaya saya nangis. misterius. saya nggak banyak baca fiksi belakangan ini, makanya postingan saya agak sampah. tapi saya janji (another janji) bahwa di bulan oktober ini, saya akan nulis setidaknya dua label "story". sebagai indikasi kalo otak kiri saya ini masih bekerja dengan normal (meskipun nggak baik).

ah.

the one that never sleeps

Steve Jobs died in 56.
that was the first news I've read this morning, with three slices of white bread, white milk and chocolate spread.
I've just texted my dad and told him that I saw him in my dreams. I read a message from my brother, mocking me and joking around. I looked at me and my boyfriends picture on my desk, then I burst into tears.

I know I am not a religious person, and silly if now I praise God and let you read this. One thing that burst me into tears, was that I know and I believe, there is this power, the one who never sleeps, rotating the world and seasons, keeping secret and dying the lives and living the dead. The one that guide and curse, the one that always work and never gets tired.

I am happy to have such belief, and I know when I die, I meet the one who never sleeps.