so soon April.

Friday, 26 April 2013

Been ages since the last post. I told you, I dislike April. Just this year perhaps I hate it worse. Not just the fact the I have to re-start the sucky long distance relationship, but also the fact that I hardly can make it to fly there to have a proer Summer holiday, so far not. That wish still exists though, at least until a next couple of months.

Meanwhile, I am re-listening to 90s songs and along that realised how much I have grown; from the American to British style of English, the perspective of seeing how life can be miserable enough when you can't say NO, until how to bow down to my own self vulnerability when it comes to heartbreaking circumstances. I have started running again though, the rain doesn't seen to stop me too  long.

I have a cable telly now in the living room; gives me more access to The Voice, Game of Thrones, NBA highlights and of course PORNOGRAPHY baby (in music videos, you think?) I so look forward to seek out something else there, probably E! news and Fashion Police are not enough, lol. My brother's been convincing me to enjoy Celestial Movie though. There you go Asia!!

May's coming soon and I cannot wait to finish it up, so I can welcome the warm June. Moreover, to finish up the months after until I can meet my boyfriend again, and plan another holiday, the feasible one! We'll see. I miss him!

Silent Sigh - Badly Drawn Boy

Thursday, 18 April 2013

Come, see, what we all talk aboutPeople movin' to the moonStop, baby, don't go, stop hereNever stop livin' here
Till it eats the heart from your soulKeeps down the sound of yourSilent sigh, silent sigh, silent sighSilent, silent, silent
Keeps down all, move me downCould we love each other?
Come, see, what we all talk aboutPeople movin' to the moonStop, baby, don't go, stop hereNever stop livin' here
Till it eats the heart from your soulKeeps down the sound of yourSilent sigh, silent sigh, silent sighSilent, silent, silent
Keeps down all, move me downBut don't love each otherNo, don't love each otherNever gonna be the sound, get it on
See, si, see, siSee, si, silent, silentSilent, silent, silent, silentSilent, silent
Please don't, all move me downSilent, silent, silentSilent, silent sigh, silent sighMove me down, we're gonna love each other

On the sidewalk.

Monday, 8 April 2013

Avfest's 50 km away from my city. I visit this suburban area every week, on Friday morning until evening. A weekly review on the small branch. I don't even know why the company sent me for this task. I mean, they can ask the branch manager to come by the headquarter and weekly-report it. I just don't understand. Anyway, here I am again, hitting the crazy small and quiet road to Avfest.

I remember the first time I went this small village along, I was excited, I thought this was going to be something or somewhere refreshing and fun rather than working in a small cubicle in my office uptown there. Nay, the seventh week drove me insane. I mean, the people are nice, the always smile at me and ask what I am up to. But come on, it was like a very quiet village, dry and quiet. Most people are farmers if not a seller in traditional market, the rest are school kids, and they are quiet too.

This time today, my twelfth visit and nothing's changed. Only the road is now dirtier as the month's hitting harvest season. Full of paddy's and other farm garbage, not nasty, just untidy. It contradicts anything like fun, refreshing and peaceful. I go thru anyway.

Arriving in the office there, Rebecca's saying hi genuinely with a very wide smile saying "yay it's Friday, you're coming and holiday's summoning!" I smile back and read the report she has written for me.
"You don't seem to like it here, why?" She throws me a sudden death question. Have I been that obvious?
"What are you talking about? Big city's boring, unlike in here" I didn't put away my eyes from the report on the desk"
"I can tell you don't enjoy the visit anymore. Did I do something wrong?"
"Honestly.." I finally look up to her and let her sit in front of me "I don't understand why this branch's keep making profit to the headquarter. I was pulling myself up to come here as if it's gonna collapse the week after. But it does not..." I stare at her guessing her expression listening to my explanation, "..yet"
"Oh.." She looks neutral; not even surprised
"I really appreciate your work here. Well done, Beck!" I tidy up the folder and make the table up
"You can talk to me..." she is hesitant to continue, "...about work, or anything that I can do to improve..." she cuts herself again to make sure I'm listening, "...or to shut this store down, if you want" I bug my eyes out glaring at her. She has no doubt saying the very last sentence.
"I mean, I know you don't like coming to this place, and I know the company has no one else to be sent here but you. It's like you can't do anything to escape this task, and if closing down a branch is your way out, I can be a help"
"Beck! Are you out of your mind? How could you say so?" She totally understands my surprised reply, and she stands still
"I feel you, Sir. Or Mark? You don't have to pretend to enjoy the things that you don't like. Do something and stand upon what you believe in. I believe you deserve more than just a weekly task like this. They could've just sent me there every week to report, but instead, they sent you. That doesn't make sense either to me. I understand..."
"Beck, look. Shutting down a store, or any kind of cutting-profit decision isn't mine, nor yours. What you were just saying, it's crazy. It's beyond any corporates' consideration and calculation. Besides, it's very selfish you deny doing a task just because you don't like it. Anything easy doesn't scare me, and by not scared, I don't learn to be brave. Anything easy isn't worth doing. Look at the bigger picture. Beck..." I cannot continue, she nods and looking into my eyes bravely as if she knows exactly what I'm going to say next.

The next hours, we are sitting by the backyard of the store. They view is very relieving; a harvested farm. We are sipping our cup of coffee and laughing at the sunset, still talking about work. I love analogising the work with our personal life. I love knowing more about Rebecca's personal life. "I think I love you" I am surprised myself after saying that. Rebecca's now blushing and then laughing for five minutes, literally five minutes. She swears at the coffee for containing too much caffeine that I might be drunk of it.

"The moment I saw you, I liked you. You were a high spirited worker and you're responsible of what you're doing. You're tough and .... I don't know, charming.." I am a bit blushing realising she's staring weirdly at me, "I like a hardworking person like you, as if you're not going to give up. When you said you wanted to shut this store d....."
"Okay, stop there Mark! You're out of the line!" she's still smiling very wide and waving her hands in front of my face, "I'm married, and today's my first anniversary with Louis. Can we call this meeting off and just have our sober weekend?" She's back with the hard and loud laugh. I'm amused by the way she laugh.
"Very well, before I take off. I just want to remind you; no one's shutting down this store. It's the only way I can love you, no matter how long and boring it takes to get here."
"Mark! I'm married! Let's just keep this a business relationship." she cannot seem to stop laughing at my confession
"Whatever, I don't care. I'm not asking you out, I'm just saying what I feel." We take off after I help her locking up the store's front door, "I don't bother caring the status quo. I just love you"