A few Hypothetical Questions

.......I always wonder when it comes to long term-relationships.

First of all, where did all the excitement go? Where did the every one hour rain check call go?

Where did all the 'call me when you are home' go? Where did I miss you and I love you exchange go?

Most of all, where did all the spark go?

Has your partner changed so you stopped falling in love?

Have you changed your feelings and affection?

Has your partner done anything unusual, or maybe even too usual that you lost interest?

Have you done enough to make your partner happy that you think there is no more effort you can do?

Has your partner gone crazy if they still want the same spark like the first day?

Does questioning this issue make your partner crazy for always craving attention and compassion?

If your partner decided to try to not care, although it's so hard for them, would you consider them losing interest like you do?

From A Father to His Daughter

Baby,

How do I tell the world that you are my diamond?

I don't want you to be taken but I know you're not mine forever.

How do I show them that I love you so much?

I don't want to let you down but I know you deserve the world.

How do I tell them that you're my weak spot? Will that make me weak too? I want to keep you in my arms so I can always protect you.

But I know eventually you're gonna be with someone else. You're gonna need someone who can give you what I can't give you.

I know there's always someone else who can make you happy.

I know there's always someone who can give you what you need and what you want, but not me.

Baby girl,

I want you to know that I never want to see you sad or make you cry, but you deserve all emotions and experience. You need life.

In life, you can't always feel happiness no matter how hard I'm trying to give you one.

In life, you'll fall and rise again, you'll get hurt no matter how much I love you.

In life, you need to be set free no matter how often I ground and keep you. 

You deserve a life, not always the beautiful and perfect one. You deserve a colourful one.

Please know whenever you're feeling blue or grey, I'll be here for you. And when I'm gone, you have my heart forever since day one I have you.

Baby girl, this life is not always about rainbow. There will be some storms too no matter how much I love you. You'll survive, you'll manage, you'll be strong through it, and you'll be the better version of you who I love so much. Unconditionally.

You may never hear me say it face to face, but I know you can feel it. Because love is sometimes unspoken, but it's always felt. I love you, for whatever God makes it to.

Your father.

and the things that you complicate...

This is an opposite of me, lying next to you, looking at your face looking away from my face. You make it so hard to do some things lately.

First of all, you make expressing my love for you so hard. Everytime I'm trying to express my feeling you express the other way around. Somehow I feel like I'm overreacting or maybe overthinking, it's me. Some other times, I just feel that what I feel is invalid. It's you, your gesture, your way of looking at me, your smile, it's just you.

Second of all, you make me hard to concentrate. There aren't many times for me to focus on what I'm supposed to do without thinking of you. You take so much space in my mind and in my heart oh, so much that sometimes I couldn't breathe just to imagine living another day without you.

Last but not least, you make it so hard to not love you, let alone to hate you despite all the things that you've done, consciously and unconsciously. I'm taking my days splitting my mind to understand your language and to make you understand my language. It's not an easy thing to do but I'm willing to do, especially knowing how much you would have done for me and of course the things you would do for me.

You're so annoying, and I love you for that. Stay with me.

We are getting Us.

15 years ago, I disbelieved the constitution called 'marriage'. To me, it's nothing but a complete insanity to share you life with a stranger until the day you die. I thought it was stupid to be with someone new and let go more than a half of you to be something else you're probably not. It was a complete non sense to me to be married and be trapped inside it.

Let's say it's part of my trauma with my parents. It took me another decade from that day to understand why I felt what I felt. Then I realised, everything is made for a reason. Nothing is coincident and nothing is not meant to be when it is.

5 years ago, I was finally trapped in my marriage, an unhealthy one. Needless to say how harmful the relationship was for me & my partner back then. We decided to split, hard-heartedly of course but we managed. It was official after 4 years being married.

Today, I'm typing this with a full consciousness that I'll be 'trapping' myself again in another marriage. Somehow, this time I am not who I was. I am no longer the old me that sank in the negativity of marriage. I have two kids whose future I'm partly responsible for, I have wider perspective than just being selfish.

Today, I am a few weeks from getting married, and I am so excited about it. Not that I forgot about my trauma(s), but actually I'm feeling stronger because of it. I'm loved and surrounded by positivity, and that's how I keep going. That's how I survive.