berhenti di 24

Thursday, 29 September 2011

saya berhenti mengeluhkan momen dimana orang tua saya lupa hari ulang tahun saya. bukan mereka nggak sayang, tapi mereka punya caranya sendiri menunjukkan kasih sayang.
saya mulai menghargai lagi dan lagi apa yang Tuhan kasih sama saya sampe di umur ke 23 tahun ini.
Leeds, MA programme, good friends, celebrations, experience, England, love.
ah, indescribable.
saya berlanjut berjuang, memulai yang saya harus mulai, melanjutkan apa yang sudah saya jalani dan menghentikan hal-hal konyol yang nggak bermanfaat.
yes, happy birthday to me and happy friendship to those who made my age just more precious than before. in this strange island, in this new place, I'm too blessed to complain about small things.
and good friends in need are good friends indeed.

Lintang sama Reyhan



Birthday Surprise dari gang yang habis London-an di hari ulang tahun saya!!



I shall say this dinner was awesome! many new (and good) friends!



Yep! I need to stop complaining about small things. 
:)
Terima kasih Tuhan, ke-silly-an ku sepertinya harus berakhir di 24.


23-24

Saturday, 24 September 2011

i am in a stranger island. lost and completely lost.
it is my 23rd birthday, and i am lost.
i had fun too much and i am lost.

sounds negative? it is not, in fact, i really had so much fun.
i got a grip, i had fun, i am lost.

i need to sleep, but i just don't want to.
i was spending my 23rd first hours with these strangers i like.
they are fantastic, respectful, kind and truthful.

they are Andrea, Lewis, Marcelo, Silvia, Galina, Nikhita and Liz.
however, i missed my old friends, drinking and talking haven't been this fun before.
i missed my family and my boyfriend.

i am turning 23 and i am lost.
i love it, dear god.

an unintended destiny.

Friday, 23 September 2011

aku mendengar panggilan terakhir dari pengeras suara bandara. langkahku semakin cepat berlari namun aku yakin akan percuma. penerbangan murahan tidak akan menungguku.
"this is the final call for Ms Sherman, Ms Sherman to be on board for flight to Mississippi"
lalu aku sadar langkahku tidak lagi bergerak kemanapun. aku diam menatap pesawatku lepas landas. hilang ke langit membawa mimpiku bersamanya. lalu aku diam, sendiri.



rasanya sulit percaya kalau pertemuanku dengan Andrea akan berakhir begitu saja dalam hitungan jam. penerbangannya mengalami gangguan dan pesawatnya jatuh. belum ada indentifikasi Andrea ditemukan.aku dan keluarganya menunggu kabar di ruang tunggu maskapai.
"I am very sorry to confirm this that we found Ms Sherman's luggages and wallets near the area..." kata-kata selanjutnya tidak lagi penting buatku. Andrea sudah pergi, namun aku seperti ingin melihat jasadnya, aku seperti ingin bertemu lagi dengannnya dan mengakui kecuranganku dalam hubungan kami.

***

aku berhasil menemukannya. di sebuah kafe, tempat kami biasa minum teh sore.
"Jack?" aku menatapnya terdiam menatapku. kami mematung beberapa detik sebelum ia akhirnya membuka mulutnya dan bertanya, "am I dreaming, Andrea?"
kami berpelukan dan ingin rasanya aku menamparnya agar ia bangun dari tidurnya. ia pasti bermimpi. kami berpelukan tanpa pedulu sekitar, hanya 12 menit pelukan yang mengharukan.
"it has been 6 months since you've gone, I haven't moved on" Jack bercerita panjang tentang kehilangannya dan keluargaku. aku pun bercerita perjuanganku tiga bulan di Belanda tanpa sepeser uangpun. 30 menit bercerita, aku harus pergi. aku ingin bertemu orang tuaku.


haru sekali melihat pertemuan ibu dan anak ini. di hadapanku, seorang putri tunggal pulang ke pangkuan orang tuanya. sang ibu menangis dan sang ayah pun. aku kurang paham bagaimana perasaanku. ini sungguh seperti mimpi. Andrea kembali setelah kami kira ia mati dalam kecelakaan pesawat.
"six months baby girl, and this is like a dream." Nyonya Sherman masih menahan isaknya sambil bicara.
keluarga ini seperti mendapat hadiah paling indah dari Tuhan, dan aku memaku pandanganku pada Andrea. rasanya kami ingin menahannya sehingga ia tak akan lagi pergi kemana-mana.

***

aku rasa ke pasar bersama mama adalah hal yang paling menyenangkan setelah 6 bulan dalam ketidakjelasan kehidupan di negeri orang. aku selalu bersyukur menari bisa menyelamatkanku dan membawaku pulang. aku bercerita panjang pada mama bagaimana aku bertahan hidup di Belanda, bersama sejumlah orang asing yang sangat baik dan mengizinkanku meraup keuntungan dari kemampuanku menari. "you are always my pride, I never stop praying for you. and you have no idea of how much I really don't wanna lose you, Andy" aku sungguh menyayangi mama. dialah inspirasiku, dialah makhluk yang tidak pernah lelah mencintai dan menunggu, mengajari dan mendampingi.



kepergian kedua ini lebih sakit dari yang pertama. kecelakaan lagi, dengan mobilnya. Andrea pergi lagi, untuk selamanya. satu minggu kemarin adalah terlalu lama untuk bermimpi, dan aku tidak mengakui kesalahanku dalam mimpiku. satu minggu kemarin adalah berkah dari Tuhan untuk kami. satu minggu kemarin Andrea baru saja lahir kembali. dan kini Andrea benar-benar pergi.
"this is the hardest part of losing, it's the second lost. to family, siblings, friends......but this time she won't come back, she's with God. that smile upon her face, is the symbol of peace, that we all belong to God, who holds the right upon our lives....." suara itu meluluhkan pertahanan air mataku. aku berharap inilah yang mimpi, kematian Andrea hanya mimpi, aku ingin bangun dan kembali ke satu minggu yang lalu, menahannya pergi dan menyetir sendiri. aku ingin bangun dari mimpi ini, bangun dan menatap Andrea lagi.

an autumn, another hope

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

my first autumn far from home. i missed smelling petrichor.
i missed sitting on my couch, drinking chocolate and doing nothing.

but i love the wind here, i love how the street smells.
i love how the people act and i love how this country loves me.

there's no such time i wanna go home,
all i wanted was bringing my loved ones here, to sip in the fresh air.
i want to see them see what would it be to live in a far far country.

i missed the sound of azan, and how i enjoy my nights with my god.
here, everything is just so wonderful in another way.
i love it, i love you, God.

in-focus

Saturday, 17 September 2011

cerita ini saya buat setengah sadar, setelah ngobrol dengan seseorang di pergaulan sosial di teknologi ciptaan Kanada.

"excuse me, could i have a plate of salad please?"
"sure, anything else?"
"orange juice please"








"be back at you in two sec"
"thank you"

lima belas menit kemudian teman saya datang ke meja saya dan memesan kepada pelayan yang sama

"excuse me, i'd like to have a beef sandwich please"
"oh, i'm sorry, we run out of sandwiches today"
"well, coke will be fine, then"
"no problem"

sepuluh menit kemudian pelayan itu datang membawa pesanan kami.

"this restaurant is fantastic"
"no, it is not. they don't serve sandwich"
"hey, they do, they're just running out of it"
"no, it was just a tactical tempation"
"what?"
"they offer a very delicious menu to attract people, but don't really have it. by saying 'we're running out of that' will trigger everyone's thought to think that they're too late to order that so they don't get the chance to taste it"
"really? for why?"
"they wanted to be looked as popular and most wanted, hence people will come again and again and again until they taste the sandwich"
"that's ridiculous. what if i really come in the early opening hour to taste that sandwich?"
"they'll tell you to go back at lunch because it will only be served for lunch"
"and if i do too?"
"they'll say they're running out of it. as simple as that."
"wait, what if i really wait there from morning to evening until they really will serve it?"
"well, they'll make you one, the common one, not special. but anyway, don't you have anything to do that you will wait for a.... let's say... sandwich???"
"yeah, that makes sense. that's hilarious"

kami pergi dari restoran itu setelah membayar bill, dan selang setahun, kami berpacaran...jarak jauh.

the tempting fruity

Friday, 16 September 2011

i skipped so many things today; the city tour, the fruity party and the cooking sessions with indonesian friends. i am so exhausted and i don't know why. i want to sleep and i want to dream of my mom. silly i know, maybe this is homesick or homerun, or whatever it is.

my flatmates are laughing out loud in our kitchen and i am not even interested to join their beers. i am sleepy. i love UK, i love these people, i love the hype and i love everything about it.

i lost my eating appetite and surely will curse the weight scale for reducing my body mass index. funny to know that i am not drunk but i am typing like a drunken person.

i guess i'd just sign out my messengers, lock my door, turn on the heater, wear the jacket and pull up my duvet. oh i love UK.

greetings from Leodis

Monday, 12 September 2011

wow, this is the first post from the UK.
dedicated to those who have been waiting for my update (berasa artis)
tyo, nandha, adimas, maybe eka or chairun. anyone.

life's so good here.
i cried sometimes knowing my dad didnt reply my sms just because he has no heart to tell me he missed me.
i missed him too, i missed my dad. i missed my family, my bestfriends, my brothers.

bismillah.

the suitcase song

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

As sure as the floor 'neath my toes,
And somehow not surprised
That I was superimposed
Somehow in this life
And if my friends and my foes
Would just drop me a line
That'd be nice

You see love is a drink
That goes straight to my head
And time is a lover
And I'm caught in her stead
And the sentiment there follows me
Straight to my bed through the night

I've got my life in a suitcase
And ready to run run run away
I've got no time
'cause I'm always trying to run run run away
'cause everyday it feels like it's only a game
I've got my life in a suitcase, a suitcase, a suitcase

What could be an anchor here
With a storm on the rise
When you're never meant to see so clear
When smoke gets in your eyes
And the man in the moon
Never makes his replies understood?

I've got my life in a suitcase
And ready to run run run away
I've got no time
'cause I'm always trying to run run run away
'cause everyday it feels like it's only a game
I've got my life in a suitcase, a suitcase, a suitcase

For a moment I was warm and the world made sense
For a moment here this storm had no consequence

I've got my life in a suitcase
And ready to run run run away
I've got no time
'cause I'm always trying to run run run away
'cause everyday it feels like its only a game
I've got my life in a suitcase, a suitcase, a suitcase

- Copeland