detected

saya baru saja menemukan keganjilan di account blog saya: password suspended.
"your account has been found to do some suspicious activity, please verify your account"

pantesan beberapa temen report ga bisa buka tulisanhampa. ampun dah.

this is the strangest thing happened to my blog. sekarang ada peraturan harus rajin update blog ya?
atau ada stalker yang mulai ingin naik level jadi hacker nih, anyway, siapa peduli. akhirnya gua dapet balik account gw.

mari menulis.

demi apa?

banyak juga ya kontroversi yang menyambut cerita gua soal rencana resign dini dari kantor gua sekarang. bukan, bukan berasa banyak temen atau disayang semua orang. gua merasa sedang berada pada titik paling nyaman seumur hidup gua; dimana kerjaan, sosial dan pendidikan berjalan dengan sangat mulus dan (yeah, fluktuatif, namun) menyenangkan. jangan bahas mata kuliah yang harus gua ulang itu ya, kampret! lagi mau bahas yang seru-seru disini.



satu bulan (lebih) menjelang masa hengkang gua dari kantor yang sekarang, rasanya masih nggak lebay kalo gua bilang gua dapet banyak banget hal baru seru haru dan biru. eh loh, udah ya, jangan mulai nggak lucunya. serius. gua banyak banget belajar disini. rasanya nggak mau pergi, tapi gua harus pergi, demi sesuap nasi. dah, next paragraf.



jadi ada beberapa temen yang nanya rencana gua selanjutnya setelah selesai dengan kerjaan ini. gua bilang gua mau nikah, tapi nggak tau kapan. selalu kontradiktif dengan keadaan sebenarnya. ya gua mau kuliah, mau sekolah, mau kemana-mana lagi sebelum bener-bener nemu apa yang kira-kira bisa gua lakuin di sisa hidup gua.

yang lagi kepikiran adalah hubungan dengan orang-orang disini.tentunya gua akan jadi skype maniak untuk stay in touch sama rekan kantor sekarang, dan stay online supaya terus bisa update. nggak lupa stay dreaming tentang cita-cita berikutnya. i am not afraid of having dream, am not afraid of making mistake. coba ya, kita lihat seberapa kuat saya bisa berkutat.




nanti deh, kalo udah waktunya, saya tulis artikel tentang pengalaman saya selama disini. panjang ya pastinya, siap-siap sebar link sama teman seperjuangan di blogger. :)

making your mind (part 2)

here i am, back in the soft couch in the city library. waiting for Susie to return my first chapter. i am so excited to hear her comment about my writing. i waited and waited for more than an hour.





three hours after.
 i saw a crowd across the road. i stood up and tried to find out what happened there.
the was an accident. at first i was not so interested. but then, until 6 in the evening, Susie really didn't show up. i decided to leave, just before i stepped out the library door, a voice stopped me.

"Mr Olsen!"it was Billy shouted from behind the encyclopedia shelf.
"Yes? i didn't notice you were there!"
"yes, i am born to be invisible" Billy came out and approach me
"what's up?"
"this is an exemplar, a girl gave me this morning, she said it was for you, Gray Olsen"
"from who?" i grabbed it and leave the room as Billy stepped back to the shelf.





this is my first chapter. it was from Susie. she left me a note.


"dear Gray,
i think you have a good sense of imagination. when i was a kid, my mother forbid me to write anything imaginary. she expected me to be an accountant and i secretly married to a writer, just 5 years ago. once my parents found out about our marriage, they killed my husband. i was very frustrated and decided to move here. in this country, i don't talk to anyone unless very necessary. i got three friends here: you, Billy and Thomas. anyway, i don't like your first chapter, when you recalled my name, i hate my character there. i dislike the setting of the story and i dislike the way you describe me. i think you should continue writing and make sure you tell as good as possible about me. because usually, people would see good things as bads, vice versa. i hate you, Gray. good luck. 
regards, Susie"






there she is, injured in a car crash this afternoon. terrible crash it was.
and i feel really sorry for her.

leave it at left

"I think we should end this relationship for a while, you think?"
"Why would you think so?"
"No, I'm asking you. What do you think?"
"I think we are fun and fine this way"
"Really?"
"Well, yeah, we don't see each other very often, we rarely speak lately. But I don't think you want to end this up thhat way"
"It is not that I want to, we just cannot. We are with our business, our world and our separateness"
"Do you think a couple should stop being in a relationship when they do not talk much, any longer"
"I guess so, you don't?"
"No, I believe that as long as I love you and I trust you, then we don't need that kind of ending"
"Uh.."
"Let me ask you; do you love me, still?"
"Yes, simply yes"
"Then you feel what I feel, love. I trust you, do you trust me?"
"Umm, yes, sure"
"So why do you think we have to end this up?"
"I just don't feel us together. No intact and contact, lose and in-cooperative in any stages. I just don't think that is how a couple supposed to be"
"Do we really have to be so?"
"Don't you think we have to?"
"I'm asking you, do you need us to be so?"
"Yes"
"Well, let's end this up then"
"Vraiment? C'est sur?"
"If you do think so, then there's no point of defending"
"Only if you care and if you think so"
"Look, this is not how this should go. I know I am busy, you are, too. I put so much effort to make it work for us. Now you're thinking attachment and communication are the only thing, then what can I say? We don't have such thing. We only have love and trust and that doesn't seem enough for you. Correct me?"
"Correct"
"Let's just end this up...for a while"
"So, we're good friends?"
"Yeah...." Shrug off the shoulders "sure we are, like we used to be"

making your mind (part 1)

i put my earphone on and start walking along this subway. this is my third year in this weird country. everyone wear different socks colour in each of their feet. i feel strange the most by the way they greet each other; punching the forehead. i am so glad i don't have to greet anyone because people will not greet someone who's wearing headset or earphones. in my intention, i meant to escape from all these crazy noise around the subway every morning. it is like an unclear set of speaker built on each wall, left and right side, make a super crazy noise that makes me wanna puke.



my first destination is to go to the city library where i can continue writing my novel and glaring at the nice librarian girl who sat across my seat near the bibles corner. her name is Susie, she's so thin and sweet, she always read Agatha Christie book and i have no idea that such nice girl like her would love to follow a serial killer. anyway, i like her, yet i have not talked to her since our first time, like a month ago. it is not i don't have the gut, i just don't feel like disturbing her with her leisure just by asking her name or even to ask her out.


i believe she realises my presence, but she does not bother to grab more attention of me for more. i don't care, i started to slip her name in my novel, and make up some story about her. i also assume her character and match her with someone in my story. i don't care if someday she'll know that i admire her. i don't mind if she would ever read my novel someday or not.


today, i am planning to talk to her, because my novel is getting so pitiful by my assumption of her. i need to clarify that she really likes cookie monster and she was a former cheerleader in her highschool. okay, i am just curious, i need to talk to her. that's it.




"excuse me, mind if i sit here? i have something i need to ask"
"please"
"my name is Gray, i am writing a story and i guess i need some feedback"
she stares at me in a bizarre way, so i continue to kill my clumsy face
"i think it would be helpful if you could read my first chapter and give some comments about it.."
she does not even blink listening to my statement
"if you don't mind of course"
i ended up with all nothingness of a man talking to a sweet girl surrender.
"no problem" she puts out her book and started to grab my first chapter that i already prepared for her last night.
"may i know your name? so i could list you in my first reader" i clarify my backgroud of asking her name.
"Susie"
"i'll be back when you're done reading, or anytime you're ready to give me back my writing"
she nodded and started opening the first page of my first chapter.
"see you then.."
 





i took of from the seat and went back to mine. a bit frustrated because i never thought this would be that awkward. just like other residence, she should be very nice and sweet as she looked like, but no, i was totally wrong. her name is Susie, she's cute and cold.





***to be continued***

march-ing on

halo bulan maret,

gua nggak banyak punya rencana baru, cuma beberapa target yang harus di reinforce (asli, ini gua nggak tau bahasa indonesianya apa) dan bertahan stick with the plan yang udah gua buat selama awal tahun ini. iya ya, bulan maret ini banyak sekali harinya, unlike february, gua harus bagi lagi jiwa ini untuk beberapa konsentrasi; kerjaan kuliah ialf dan diri sendiri tentunya.

mari kita mulai saja, apa yang bisa gua tulis dalam sebulan ini sejak laptop gua rusak dan gua cuma mengandalkan PC kantor dan BlackBerry yang menyebalkan.