WHY I FALL FOR STUPID GUYS

 Okay, I have never dated anyone stupid. Or so I thought.

Apparently this is why I fall for stupid guys.

1. I find it amusing to be needed and relied on.

As the first child in the family, I am used to be treated as the responsible one, the looked up to one, the strong one and the wise one. I grew up with two younger but bigger brothers and they are very caring, don't get me wrong. They take care of me and they really love me, I can tell. What I always feel about them is I am the liaison unit of my parents to them and I need to always protect them, which leads me to: they are just two stupid kids who need a good role model.

2. I failed, many times.

In so many things, I am not a star. Let's say I am the jack of all trades, and my brothers look at me like that. My parents look at me as someone who is not persistent in one particular thing and that I am doing EVERYTHING I CAN without worrying about the QUALITY of what I'm doing. Being failures to them in quite many (not all) things make me wanting attention and acknowledgement from the outer circle (of my family). By having someone (such as a partner) who would think I am a superb individual, I get extra self-esteem to survive another day living in an environment that constantly reminds me that I am a failure.

3. I resent loneliness.

Despite the fact that solitary is something that I enjoy so much, I hate being alone and not having a company. I don't want to make too many checklist on who should I date, neither do I want to make a high standard of what kind of guy I should be with. I don't value myself that much, maybe. But mostly I think everyone has their uniqueness and I focus too much on people's goodness rather than considering the bad ones or the bad effects different people might cause me. I make friends easily with anyone, even I can say that I am a people pleaser. But not like ice cream, I can't make everyone happy no matter how cold and sweet I am.

4. I dominate most of my relationships.

When I am not in the ruling part, I tend to feel always vulnerable and I'd long for some power. Being with stupid guys give me extra room to breath as they let me dominate and they are happy about that. I have choices yet I also love to be led. Sometimes I can be so hard and impossible to handle, only patient guys can bear me. Smart guys would leave me I guess,  they'd look for some other easy girls that don't want to rule and dominate too much.

I think I'm seeking stupid guys with patience and high intelligence.

Sajak Remaja Belia

Pernahkah kamu bertanya

Mengapa dalam tahun kedua 

Sepanjang hubungan kita

Aku masih saja

Menantikan pesanmu semata

Dengan sepenuh asa

Seolah itu adalah masa

Dimana kunantikan kencan kedua?

Mungkin orang bilang cinta itu buta

Tapi bagiku itu tentang setia

Yang selalu kujaga

Buat kamu saja

Satu-satunya hal yang paling bermakna

Dalam hidupku yang hampa

Dan belakangan juga

Terlalu banyak bebannya

Sehingga akhirnya

Setiap malam aku berdoa

Agar Tuhan menjadikan kita

Menjadi sepasang cerita

Yang saling terbuka

Dalam suka atau duka

Walau ternyata

Kamu tidak bisa kupunya

Karena adat belaka.

If You Made it to My Blog Post...

You must have dong something GRAND in your life related to me. I know our world don't revolve around each other all the time, but when they do, it strikes me quite HARD and I guess it's something worth discussing.

The other day, me & my boyfriend were discussing about protecting our loved ones and preventing external pressure by not exposing too much of oue personal life (& relationship of course).

I want to disagree with this.

I think once you have decided to be committed and be in a relationship with someone, you have to accept the whole package and be ready for the consequences. Including judgement, comments, rejections, prejudice & of course sabotage.

Like it or not, some people with high profile and varying public receptions might also have positive and negative image. All you have to do is just brace yourself towards it. At the end of the day, what matters is what your partner feels.

I used to believe that in the world where everything ia over-exposed, it's nice to have some things private and kept to yourself.

However, this doesn't mean hiding things that might be beneficial for your own & your loved ones' interests & pleasure.

Keeping things private means hiding negative and perceptive messages from public misinterpretation. You just have to frame words, images & situations to make everyone content with that. At the end of the day, there will always be haters in your surroundings, but don't let them limit your expressions.

Again, what matters is what your partner feels.

So if you made it to my blog post, you are GRAND

Congratulations!

A Best Friend's Killing Line

I sent my best friend a brief voice note about my current problem with my boyfriend. It was 1:07 voice note, and he answered with a question:

"Is he ready to marry you anytime soon?"

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

"Well, not now, not anytime soon apparently"

"Then he isn't ready for you"

"What do you mean?"

"Just stop playing around and chasing and going all over again. If he really wants you, he knows what to do. If he doesn't know what to do, or he knows but he doesn't do it, it means he doesn't want you. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't want you? Again?"

WHAT. THE. FUCK.