PEOPLE ARE TOO NOISY

When I first glance at this morning's wall in my room, I would just say, "Oh, again, I've got this syndrom when I only want to be in Jehan's arms.." I've got nothing to desire because my dad's just canceled our plan to buy me a new notebook. It's gonna be the cheap one anyway..
He's so mind about spending money more than one million for such "unimportant" stuff.
Thanks Dad! Keeping me as your daughter is worth than anything. It's good to have you.

And mom, keep talking about how my relationship should really go. I wonder what's on her mind about Jehan. Has she really known him as well as those people who have seen him?
I still have a probation mind that my parents would kill me -or Jehan- or both of us if we really get tired of hiding and decided to have a 'running-weddin' (kawin larri) akh..

I am impacted of translating a topic in my DEVcommTECH assignment. I hate how English have had change my life so much. I became so PRICELESS to feel happiness. Guys, you cant always se me that perfect. I have the hole where I put all my disasterous mind about life. Do you care? Do you even notice? Nevermind. I keep anything myself and share a bit with my Jehan.
*Sorry dear, you might find it hard to read this one. Learn englishh!!!!!!!!!

A spot on my face reminds me of how sun burnt my heart dan soul. Nothing compared to my happiness with my lover. I don't know when this all will end up. But maybe the only things that we need to corncern are:
patience, faith, beliefs and to hold on.
Oh God,
this punishment is hard enough.
Should I quit for something that I've already gained?

Tak taulah.
mungkin memang waktu yang bisa menjawab.
eh.

HARI YANG PANJANG TANPA AIR MATA

Lagi lagi nangis,
agak busuk tapi yah, proses healing lah.. pasti ke depannya nggak seberat ini.
Gue nggak ngerti apa yg Babhank n Papa liat dri seorang JEHAN.
Guys, you would love him if you know him..
ugh, berat dan menjemukan.

Sehari nggak puasa ini jadi metode ampuh untuk me-review dosa. Ampuun,
kalo besok gue mati, apa yang gue bawa,,
*ngomongin mati, jd inget absen kelas yg nggak mencantumkan nama gue tadi, TAIK!

Besok pasti lebih melelahkan, entah kenapa gue lebih malas untuk mengeluh dan bilang kata 'lelah'. PErjuangan masih panjang dan menuju kemenangan masih di awang2..
akankah Aboy pulang membawa secercah harapan untuk mengajak gue mengarungi bahtera hidup yang kian ganas ombaknya. Oh, hidup... kalo diarungi berdua emang indah,
tapi kalo diarungi berdua tanpa pelampung, apa masih indah?? kan berenang jg ada kapasitasnya?
haduh,
sekarang perumpamaan gue makin aneh.
Situasi kelas juga nggak bgitu asik.
haduh...

Tuhan,
bila hidup ini terlalu berharga untuk dilewatkan,
apakah aku terlalu berharga untuk merasa bahagia?


*Aboy, I miss you

TRAGEDI MALAM KAMIS

oKE,
ini adalah salah satu saat dimana gue merasa sangat nyaman menceritakan apa yg sedang gue rasakan.
Pemberontakan orangtua gue terhadap hubungan gue dengan Jehan kian parah. Gue mengakui bahwa gaya pacaran kami agak lebay; telpon sms sangat intens!!, pergi bareng hampir tiap hari.
Umm.that;s all.
Lebay? namanya juga kasmaran.
Ini adalah saat2 dimana gue merasa sangat nyaman punya pacar. FUCK!
Jehan is sweet and loving. It ain't enough??
Not for them. ThEY want the BEST.
Dunno. Alibi mereka selalu mentok pada "kamu masih kuliah, ntar kalo udah lulus baru boleh pacaran"
NICE mom, NICE dad!! I really wanna hug you when you guys said that.

Apalagi yg harus gue bilang tentang orangtua gue they're SO KIND.
Loving dan bijaksana. Mreka mencukupi gue; LAHIR bATIIN..hoho.
Gue sangat beruntung besar di keluarga yg begitu hangat.
Sperti kata Mama, 'Kamu pnya orgtua, adik2, staff kantor, sodara2 yg peduli dan perhatian sama kamu. Apa nggak cukup? Buat apalagi sih ada orang lain?'
Batin gue menjawab,'Mom, you know exactly I CANT kiss them.'
Nyokap gue seperti mendengar BATIN gue dan melanjutkan,'nafsu itu nggak ada habisnya. Nanti kalo kamu nikah, baru kamu rasain cinta dan hidup yg sebenarnya.'
Batin gue lagi2 menjawab,'Mom, I'm in love with this guy. He's sweet. It's actually not about kissing thing. it's about warmth you guys cant do me'
Nyokap gue sekali lagi menyahut hati gue,'Cinta kita sekarang hanya untuk Allah'
That's it.
Wheew...

Semalem, HP gue disita DUA DUANYA..haha.
mau nangis, mau ketawa..
well. i have no more great gadget. No laptop, no TV, no jukebox, NO HANDPHONE.
mau nangiiiss..karena kehilangan alat komunikasi dgn dunia luar, terutama JEHAN.
mau ketawa.
mereka salah kalo dgn cara bgitu mreka bisa memadamkan rasa gue ke Jehan.
mereka salah kalo dgn cara bgitu mreka bisa menyudahi perjuangan cinta gue sm JEhan.
mereka salah.
jadi mau ketawa.

Jehan begitu PATIENT. Do you have ANY IDEA what PATIENT means?
sabar.
loving dan nggak menyerah.
Gue selalu terharu tiap dia bilang,'Abenk, jangan nangis lagi yah, kan ada Aboy..'
CRAP!
Kenapa baru ketemu sekarang sihh?
Saaat smua jendela ke wajah gue berlabel "PHELE SI PLAYGIRL"
Nggak tau ah.
gue ngerasa bahagia sama Jehan.
(meskipun sekrang keadaan dia BELUUM sePERFECT yang diidam-idamkan PapMam)
Toh, gue seneng.
*Aarrgh.. terngiang2 lagi kata2 "NGGAK CUKUP CINTA"
haha.
Gue yakin, Jehan pasti bisa ngebahagiain gue seutuhnya.
Someday.

Widihh..
udah sore, supir gue terjebak macet dan blum nyampe (Iya, skr gue anter-jemput supir)
udah kya org kaya blom? haha..sampah!!

Jehan nggak ada kabar. Entah gimana kami akan ngejalanin ini.
"Bertahan untuk sesuatu yang gue yakin, yg gue percaya.
Gue terus berdoa sambil kerja, nggak marah, nggak berhenti sabar"
I love you, Aboy -just in case Jehan iseng buka blog gue.


*Ya Allah, kalau memang rasa pedih ini merupakan balasan atas dosaku, kurelakan dan kumohon ampuni dosaku