tulisan hampa

Malam selalu datang dengan cara yang sama: pelan, diam, tapi menekan. Lampu-lampu menyala, suara mulai mengecil, dan dunia seperti memberi ruang—bukan untuk istirahat, tapi untuk merasa. Aku sering ngobrol sama malam. Bukan karena kesepian ingin ditemani, tapi karena malam satu-satunya waktu di mana aku boleh jujur tanpa harus kuat. Tentang rindu. Rindu yang aneh. Bukan rindu yang bisa dituntaskan dengan pesan singkat, atau pertemuan singkat. Rindu yang bahkan kalau ditanya, “kangen sejauh apa?” aku nggak punya satuan ukur yang pantas. Ada rindu yang harus disimpan. Bukan karena tak ingin, tapi karena tak bisa. Bukan karena tak berani, tapi karena tak ada jalan yang benar untuk menujunya. Malam mendengarkan semuanya tanpa menghakimi. Ia tahu, ada rasa yang kalau dipaksa keluar justru akan merusak banyak hal. Ia paham, bahwa tidak semua rindu perlu dicari ujungnya. Sebagian cukup diakui keberadaannya, lalu dipeluk dalam diam. Kadang aku bertanya ke malam: “Kalau rindu ini aku biarkan sa...

It's the early morning gaze from the sun that starts my day bright. It's the kindness of the universe that kicks start my mood. I think earth is actually very forgiving, and it's always accepting.  Meanwhile humans are full of greed, unsatisfaction and insatiable wishes. Humans are made of soil, supposed to be strong but humans are weak. I'm so ashamed of being a human sometimes. I'm so embarrassed with the earth that contains my formula. I'm so undeserving to be present in this world of how much I'm very useless. The earth deserves better.

I just came back from a whirlwind trip with my mom—six countries in ten days across West Europe. Yes, you read that right. Six countries . Ten days . Winter. A demanding mother. And a suitcase that felt heavier every morning. Was it exhausting? Absolutely. Would I do it again? …Probably also yes. Cold and quiet Lucerne Travelling in winter is a different flavour of tired. The air bites a little, your fingers go numb while you’re trying to take photos, text your lovers, and strolling around charming European streets suddenly feels like a cardio challenge. But still, there was something magical about it; the cold breath, warm lights, the smell of pollution-free cities, and the constant hum of new places rushing past you. This trip was packed—like, “no nap, no mercy” kind of packed. My mom (being my mom, you know if you know my mom) wanted to see everything , taste everything , and shop everywhere (she really ended up buying EVERYTHING from head to toe) . I swear sometimes I felt like th...