tulisan hampa

Day 6  19 November 2020 It's getting easier each day, at the same time harder. Because fish will always smell wherever they're hidden. I smell something fishy, so either I have a sucker's nose, or something isn't just right. I'm about to find out. Each day is getting smoother for me & harder for him. Until they day it comes.

Day 5 18 November 2020 What do you think I'm waiting for? Is it worth the wait? It was nice today, got to talk to another couple about we solve relationship issue when it comes to being honest. I guess each couple has their own way & their closure. Mine? Still learning which one actually suits me. Nervous, so nervous. When you have so much doubt in your head & your heart.

Day 4 17 November 2020 It's tiring to do things all over again. It's tiring to always questioning the same thing. It's very tiring to build that wall back up. It's tiring to be doubtful about hindsight moments. Yey I haven't stopped. Why?

 Day 3 16 November 2020 Shit, the temptation to go through his property came again. And it hit very hard. I was shaking but a glass of warm water helped me, I took a deep breath and went back to sleep. I tried to think positive and I had my affirmation and mantra to get me back to sleep again. It was horrible, the feeling is horrible.

Day 2 15 November 2020 Day 2, we had a waterfall day. Nothing. Other than the same guilty excitement like yesterday, today was nothing new. Not yet the terms I gave, not yet the committment I expected. And again I have to self-doubt & self-question if I am the bad guy, if I made a wrong decision by being soft (again). Again, I wonder & tempted. But let's wait, it's only been day 2. Until the next time I got you.

Day 1  14 November 2020 He's sweet. I don't have to tell the details but I'm just gonna jot down what I noticed on the way today. He stared at me when I accidentally caught him inputting his password to his phone. He's very sweet the way I like it. We talked politics & we agreed on few things we laughed at. He's sweet & let's see how long it lasts.