I am in doubt if I really have to address our friendship as dating because I don't think I have ever felt that deep feeling to other friends no matter how close we were. Yet, we felt like we were free to fall in love for other people, while in fact I was dating 3 men when Tyo and me were still in our bestfriend-ship.
Firstly met in a theatre project Somebody Famous, where Tyo was the director and I was the cast, I didn't think that we would be more than 'director and cas'. I told Tyo lots of things and life perspective, complexity and interests. Him? He taught me how to enjoy James Iha, The Wave Pictures, Morrissey, Amy Winehouse, and other what-so-called-non-mainstream things, our talk-quality was always adorable and out exchange of imagination was, I believed, more exciting than any ordinary friendship.
Banyak yang bilang kami cocok banget sahabatan, yang satu bau yang satu tomboy. Tyo loved listening to my story about flings and boyfriends. I loved answering his two-hours phone call about his love of his life, Nandha.
I invited him eating sushi for the first time in his life, and he loved it. He's the first vegetarian who told me "gua vegetarian karena being vegetarian itu keren, phele" and I was the first to teach him French. Once he asked me how to say "i love you, nandha" in French when we were sitting in my car waiting for my boyfriend to stepped down from his work place; it was for my boyfriend's birthday and we were about to surprise him. Tyo is such a nice and helpful friend.
We once had "buku dosa" which we regularly filled in about anything. Simply anything until one day we invented the backward quizzing page. We wrote down questions on the back part of book pages and let each other answer them. It was fun, so fun that each day we were keen to see what each other wrote (or drew) in the book. That's what I called bromance.
He was too, the first and only reason why I should write my fictions online thru this blog (yeah, check out the tag 'satu desember' and you'll know that Tyo was the one who told me that it was a thrilling story for him) hence I post it here. I was too encouraged to do different things in life, once because of knowing him.
We arrived in huge fight (or at least that was how I define our arguments and constraint) when I was dating Jehan. Oh God, I wish I could describe how furious he was not knowing where was I not because he's jealous, but because my parents dislike Jehan A LOT. He was worried.
We were then drifting away, started not to return calls and ignoring texts. I hated myself then when one day I was finally on the phone with him and he calmly explained how ignorant I have been lately. I only cried when he said "nothing happened phele, everything is okay" while in fact we stopped talking to each other. But then I know, everything is not fine and we were not best friend anymore.
However now, I still remember the way he shrugged when I told him to quit smoking. I remember when we throw stupid jokes and appreciation towards each other's vulnerability. I still remember the way he carelessly wore white converse I bought him. I still cry seeing his post about Marxism and pictures about me. I even remember promising him to keep writing, in English style so I can't be those cheesy writers who write poem in dramatic phrase. I laughed into tears mesmerising how precious 'we' were in the past and I regret losing him.
I don't think this is healthy, but seriously, it is much harder for me to move on from my bestfriend-ship with Tyo than to move on from my exes. I wish he would one day read this and know and understand how much I missed him.
I wish he remembered me. I wish one day I could listen to his imaginary girlfriend again, no matter how crazy we would be. I miss him.
PS: he was not my boyfriend, he is more than a boyfriend to me.
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