All Over Again.

Monday, 15 May 2017

"marry me?"
After a sip I almost spilled the whole cup of tea hearing that, "I'm sorry what?"
"you heard me, I want you to marry me, leave him and move with me"
I closed  and opened my eyes repetitiously, "are you out of your mind? I am married! And I have three kids from my husband!" now I rolled my eyes and scan the air.
Where did he get all this madness? Why so sudden? What now?

"We both know you're not happy" he kept telling me this but now it's in other phrase
"I am happy with my life, what makes you think I'm not?" I'm confused with his deduction
"You barely see him, he barely touches you, I know you love me more!" he got more confident just when I started staring at him seriously
"No you don't know that, I lo... " I paused and got angry a bit,"I can't marry you, you're insane!"
"Come on you only see him like what?" I opened my mouth in shock right when he continued, "once a week? How is that even love? You've been with me all this long and we have so much in common, I can tell you are happier with me."
"Hang on! You have no idea how my relationship is with him. I am content and happy with my family." I managed to keep the wording normal.
"then why are we doing this? Why are you seeing me?"

I was puzzled a moment, I wanted to say all the crazy things inside my head but I held on. Instead, "What's going on? Where did this come from? I see you because you're my friend, we work together and..."
"and you love me!" he just cut perfectly
"I do!" I really wanted to slap him in the face, "I always have, because we are friends, then and now. But I can't marry you, you know we can't be together"
"I can't do this. I think I'm leaving." weirdly he laid back and rested his head backward. He wasn't sound angry. I think it was a desperation.

I shook my shoulders and wondered what's in his mind. "You're leaving?" he nodded, "again?" I wasn't sure if what he said was what he meant.
"What do you mean again? It was you who left me!" He raised his voice
"I did?" I also raised mine, "Let's rewind! You cannot turn the table and blame me for what we are now. You were the one who said you weren't ready back then. And you let me go!"
"And you're supposed to wait until I could convince you. But you what? You did not wait, you married someone else!"
"Because you didn't ask me to stay." I ended his argument, " and you let me go, you barely defended our relationship. Yet now I am still with you, we are working together, but I just cannot be with you the way you want it. And when you say you're leaving, you will come back and act like nothing has happened, and start all over again with me. You know what, you play me. All this time."
"I just want to be with you, that's it" he looked at me in the eyes deeply and I started to get clumsy. As always.
"I have to pick up Nash at school. So I'll talk to you when you're better" I picked my bag and left him with his own thought. Again.