tulisan hampa

Alex pull his chair and sit uncomfortably, regardless how many times he switched position. "My wife is a disaster. Before we got married, she was so independent, brilliant and charming. After the first child, there isn't any day she isn't complaining about... anything. Literally anything. The way I drink my coffee, the way I tie my shoes, the way I shut the front door, all day long until I get home, she still yaps about how smelly my shirt is. I am so exhausted listening to her so-called-concerns!" That only happens in his head. Billy didn't hear it. Instead, Billy offers him a cigarette an ask if his work is okay, Yes, boys don't talk about wives. Not a good one, not a bad one. "My boss gave me a crazy shit assignment today, he wants me to give training to all employees in all regions, in only one week! Crazy isn't it!" Alex starts the conversation by answering Billy's question about work and everything at the office. "That's insane...

It was a very sunny and hot afternoon. A small part of me wants to pull over and stop this lap, because I am so exhausted. Suddenly, the memory of the starting line replayed in my head. I said I wanted to finish this race no matter how hard it gets and no matter how painful the laps are. I wanted to keep going and embrace all the journey's experiences. I wanted to move forward to pass the hard paths or turns, because I know no hardships last long, they will all pass. So I pushed the gas pedal harder, I think I almost touched the ground with my right foot. But I keep pushing, I will finish this race.

Sore itu, Bapak menyambut kami dengan riang gembira di teras rumahnya. Kami menyalami Bapak dan langsung menuju ruang makan. Seraya menikmati masakan Ibu yang khas enaknya, Bapak berkelakar tentang sepinya rumah tanpa anak-anaknya yang dulu semasa kecil suka membuat onar. Usai makan, aku dan Bapak ngobrol di teras belakang, suamiku dan ibuku mencuci piring. Entah kenapa bonding mereka memang selalu terjadi di dapur, mungkin karena suamiku koki dan ibuku juga sangat sayang pada menantunya yang pendiam tapi banyak aksi membantu itu. "Maaf ya pak, kami jarang kumpul disini. Kadang ekskul Kakak itu seharian dan tempatnya jauh." ucapku memulai percakapan sambil menceritakan prestasi dan hobby cucu pertama Bapak. "Nggakpapa, apa yang jadi pikiranmu, ndhuk?" Bapak malah balik bertanya khawatir karena mungkin rasa raguku terlihat jelas sore itu. "Kadang aku kangen Pak, pulang kesini, bantu Bapak nyiram tanaman, atau nganter Dimas ke tempat ngajinya" aku mengenang ...

They say the third time is a charm. I bet it is for my pregnancy now. I have high hopes that my charm is here, following the previous two. The hormones is quite annoying and exhausting. Yes, it's the madness and sadness and everything in between. Not that I'm not overjoyed, it's just another phase, I guess, in life that I need to adapt, adjust and survive yet again. It's another ups and downs in life, and I don't know why I keep forgetting the previous problems where I struggled and didn't die. Thought that if I had remembered them, I wouldn't be so desperate to end my life constantly. But of course, I have God and faith. Even the slightest faith in God, keeps me alive and motivated. At some nights, I have full expectation that God with help me go through the next 9+ months in my life. It's going to be a very very tough one, I always begin with the intention to give up. And of course, I don't know what 'give up' means of course. Does that mea...