Loneliness: It's Not Always About Who Texted You Last

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The other day, my friend was feeling pretty low. He kept saying, "Nobody cares. Nobody checks on me anymore." It’s tough to see someone you care about hurting like that. But as we talked, I realised something important: He wasn’t actually abandoned — he was just stuck in a mindset that made him feel alone, even when he wasn’t.

This made me think of Sadness from Inside Out 2. If you remember her (how could you not?), Sadness is that little blue teardrop of a character who feels everything deeply. She sees the world through a heavy, emotional lens, which can sometimes make even normal situations feel overwhelmingly lonely.


Here’s the truth:
Loneliness isn’t just about how many texts or invites you get. It’s a state of mind. You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, or be completely alone and feel totally at peace. According to research by Hawkley and Cacioppo (2010), loneliness is actually more about the perception of social isolation than about real, physical isolation. It’s how your brain processes your social world, not just the number of people around you.

Other studies by Simons et al (2014) show that loneliness can happen in all kinds of situations: moving to a new place, going through life changes, even scrolling through perfect Instagram photos. It’s super common, and honestly, it’s not a personal failure.

So, if loneliness is a state of mind... what can we do about it?
Here’s what Sadness would suggest (between gentle sniffles):

  • Talk about it. Sometimes just saying, "Hey, I’m feeling lonely," to someone you trust can crack the ice.

  • Start small. Text one person. Join one group. Go to one event. You don’t have to overwhelm yourself trying to “fix” everything overnight.

  • Reconnect with yourself. Read a new book. Pick up an old hobby. Journal your feelings (like what I do in this blog lol). Loneliness can actually be a chance to understand yourself better.

  • Move your body. Dance like nobody’s watching (because honestly, no one is). Exercise releases endorphins and makes you feel less stuck in your head

Bonus: Believe it or not, loneliness isn’t all bad.
Being alone can spark creativity, deepen your self-awareness, and help you appreciate true connections when they happen. Studies have even found that intentional solitude (not the "I feel abandoned" kind) can boost emotional regulation and problem-solving skills. (Toomela, 2020.)

If you’re feeling like Sadness lately, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or unlovable. It just means your heart needs a little extra attention — and maybe a few new ways to feel connected again.

Real Talk:

Sometimes, being lonely has hidden perks. Solitude can lead to more creativity, deeper self-awareness, and stronger emotional resilience. Think of it like a quiet space where you can actually hear yourself think — a place to figure out what you really want, not just what others expect from you.

So next time loneliness hits, channel your inner Sadness. Feel it. Name it. But don't let it convince you that you're unloved or forgotten. You’re not.

You’re just human.
And you’re doing okay.


Ref:

Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness matters: A theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. Annals of behavioral medicine, 40(2), 218-227.

Simons, D. J., Holcombe, A. O., & Spellman, B. A. (2014). An introduction to registered replication reports at perspectives on psychological science. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 9(5), 552-555.

Toomela, A. (2020). Psychology today: Still in denial, still outdated. Integrative Psychological and Behavioral Science, 54, 563-571.

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