Mid-year thought.

This life path, sometimes makes me wonder of what God has written. I imagine going back to seven months ago, if i decided something else for my life instead of what I'm doing right now. Will I be some place else better? Will I suffer more than how I do now?

People that I meet. They're beyond any expectation and imagination. Will I have what I have now if I changed my mind back then a couple of months ago. Will more people please me? Will I be any useful to them? Will they appreciate me the way I deserve to be? Will I be able to treat them right?

There are things I haven't done because I postponed several life objectives. And because of one indecisive reason, will those things come as good as if I delayed? Will those things get worse all along?

I've been questioning myself if there's something wrong with me or the way I think or the way I decide the decision. I've been distrusting myself pathetically that I need someone else to convince me that I am okay and everything is going o be alright. Desperately need an escape, and the only place that I thought I could release all the doubt, slowly blurred. That place slowly kills me inside.

I often wonder what's welcoming me next in this life path. Those who hurt me, those that disappoint me, as they are becoming the part of my life path, I wonder if they are who and what they are. What is real? What is trustworthy? What is worth?