The Downs of the Upper Hand

Kemarin malam, a friend of mine bercerita — mobilnya nabrak trotoar ditengah hujan deras setelah menghindari pengendara motor. Bukan di jalan sepi, melainkan di jalan padat, dimana semua mobil honking, lampu rem menyala-nyala, dan hujan seolah mempercepat detik-detiknya menjadi semakin panjang.

She felt panik. Rasa takut bukan karena hujannya saja, tapi karena kerumunan, karena car horn yang tak berhenti, karena perasaan “I’m stuck, what do I do now?"

Winda. The strong girl I admire.

Setelah mencoba memanggil towing service, dialing, arguing, dan gak ada yang mau bantu dia. Dia merasa hopeless. Until, tiba-tiba, beberapa strangers muncul. They came over. They didn’t look past her with judgment, they just stopped. They helped her checked the car, they bantu bereskan yang mengganggu jalannya mobil, all while soaking wet, tanpa pamrih. When they're done they just let her go, even the asked her to go karena jalanan udah semakin macet banget perkara mobilnya itu.

Mereka pergi begitu saja. No name. No number. No “call me if you need anything”. Hanya gestur, hanya kehadiran yang tiba-tiba. Dan dia? She sat there, with heart still racing, air hujan masih menetes dari rambut dan jaketnya, also merasa lega, tapi juga merasa bersalah.

Malam itu ia tak bisa tidur. “Aku belum sempat bilang terima kasih,” katanya. “Rasanya seperti malu, seperti belum cukup.” Dia bahkan beberapa kali coba putar balik ke jalan yang sama buat cari orang-orang itu. And the more she thought, the clearer the lesson appeared:

She realised selama ini dia terbiasa jadi yang memberi. The helper. Tangan-di-atas. Menolong teman, menolong keluarga, jadi yang kuat.

So ketika hidup membalikkan peran dan dia jadi yang ditolong, itu terasa asing. Bahkan salah.
Because receiving kindness means stepping out of the role kita tahu. Kita jadi rentan. Kita jadi “bawah”. Kita jadi harus menerima.

And that’s the big truth: Receiving kindness is harder than giving it.
Karena ketika kamu memberi, you are in control. Kamu tahu aturannya. Kamu memilih untuk membantu. Tapi menerima? You relinquish some control. You open the possibility that you need someone else. That you’re not enough alone. That you’re allowed to be weak.

And perhaps, that’s where the growth is.
Kindness isn’t unidirectional. It isn’t always “I give, so you receive”. Sometimes it’s “you gave, so I receive, later I’ll give”. It’s a circle. So bagi kita yang terbiasa menjadi “yang kuat”, “yang bantu”, here’s a gentle reminder:

When life sends you help from strangers in the rain, when someone stops their way, gives you a lift, just because, please don’t resist.
Don’t feel guilty for being helped.
Accept it with humility.
Because in that moment, you weren’t just saved.
You were seen.
You were human.