Another Lebaran here at home after three years ago returning from England. This year is an awkward one as my littlest brother is not around. Not that we always hang out every takbiran night, but at least his presence completes me. He's away now and won't be celebrating the feast until Saturday as his region is a day away from ours.
This holy blissful night, I heard that my other bro found out something saddening. It breaks my heart into pieces inside although in the surface I still console him. I don't know what to do. I think it's what makes me very very sad. It's like last 2 years' event didn't make much different to this year no matter how impactful it was for us. I don't know, I wish God enlighten me in this matter, I have too much love and affection for my family.
My dad, he's not any usual dad. Ah, he's a real fighter. He thinks he failed so much that he wants his children to be successful. Too bad I think sometimes he's busy telling and wanting what he wants rather than showing us how to do it. He's always an inspiration for me, his soft heart and starry eyes are very comforting and he will always be the one for me whenever I need help. I just wish .....
My mom, she's a super mom. Very noisy, nosy and talkative. I think her loneliness makes her so, she's got no one to talk to as my dad doesn't talk much at all. Most of the times I want to stay with her always, but in reality.. you know how reality is. it bites. I hope she finds peace in what she's doing, she needs to calm herself down sometimes, and stop worrying things because she's already amazing.
My first lil bro. OH MY GOD. I think he's actually my twin. We grow up together that people mistaken our relationship, gross. He's so good at hiding emotions, but somehow I always know what he feels and how he reacts to things. He's strong, and lonely too. He's this stubborn bro who loves me secretly and very protective. He needs to keep up with life harder.
My very baby bro, he is away now. Pursuing his BA (or is ti B.Sc I cannot remember) in Brisbane. I missed him so bad now. I hope he's okay there as continuing this will only shed my tears.
This Eid... is just different. I am no longer with my ex boyfriend, my bro is not around, and my family is not concrete. May God strengthen me.
There is always something about Eid, family and the feast. It builds me some encouragement, massive comfort, home and love.