"Good morning baby! You're ready?" this morning I was being let go of driving Nash to school. Nash will have his Dad all day, and I was set free to do shopping, and I guess another meeting with Dusk.
"So, I see that you're so persistent about us. I'm just going to tell you now. I am pregnant." I finally got the moment after the laugh we shared over our colleagues in the office. He was, I think, between shocked, wandered, and waiting for me to say the "I'm joking" part. I didn't meet his expectation.
"What? How? I mean, again?"
"This is not yours, so sorry. So I guess this is it. I'm really sorry"
Dusk has never ever been that torn since our first break up. The comeback healed him and now I break him again. I think this time is the worst. He didn't say anything. After finishing his coffee, he just left, without even looking at me at all. I was broken too, I don't know how but I was broken too.
I went home feeling disastrous and the only thing that was relieving is Nash smile, and Sand's warm hug when I told him the good news. We were crying happily and Nash came out from his room hugging us too. It was the longest hug I have ever remembered having with them. Now I feel guilty too.
***
It's been a year now I think since the last time I saw Dusk. He moved immediately a few days after I told him that evening. Part of me felt relieved I didn't have to see him for some time. Part of me missed him. Honestly I have dreamt of him a couple of times lately, and this time I chose to think that he missed me instead of admitting that I missed him.
Sand was so much sweeter and more caring about me, Nash, and our baby girl. It's just that sad thing that I cannot hide. The sad thing of being blind.
Again, I'm trying to be positive and happy. Being blind means I don't have to deal with seeing horrible things, I don't have to see Dusk, literally see him.
Yes, I think it's good.
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