tulisan hampa

.......I always wonder when it comes to long term-relationships. First of all, where did all the excitement go? Where did the every one hour rain check call go? Where did all the 'call me when you are home' go? Where did I miss you and I love you exchange go? Most of all, where did all the spark go? Has your partner changed so you stopped falling in love? Have you changed your feelings and affection? Has your partner done anything unusual, or maybe even too usual that you lost interest? Have you done enough to make your partner happy that you think there is no more effort you can do? Has your partner gone crazy if they still want the same spark like the first day? Does questioning this issue make your partner crazy for always craving attention and compassion? If your partner decided to try to not care, although it's so hard for them, would you consider them losing interest like you do?

Baby, How do I tell the world that you are my diamond? I don't want you to be taken but I know you're not mine forever. How do I show them that I love you so much? I don't want to let you down but I know you deserve the world. How do I tell them that you're my weak spot? Will that make me weak too? I want to keep you in my arms so I can always protect you. But I know eventually you're gonna be with someone else. You're gonna need someone who can give you what I can't give you. I know there's always someone else who can make you happy. I know there's always someone who can give you what you need and what you want, but not me. Baby girl, I want you to know that I never want to see you sad or make you cry, but you deserve all emotions and experience. You need life. In life, you can't always feel happiness no matter how hard I'm trying to give you one. In life, you'll fall and rise again, you'll get hurt no matter how much I love you. In ...

This is an opposite of me, lying next to you, looking at your face looking away from my face. You make it so hard to do some things lately. First of all, you make expressing my love for you so hard. Everytime I'm trying to express my feeling you express the other way around. Somehow I feel like I'm overreacting or maybe overthinking, it's me. Some other times, I just feel that what I feel is invalid. It's you, your gesture, your way of looking at me, your smile, it's just you. Second of all, you make me hard to concentrate. There aren't many times for me to focus on what I'm supposed to do without thinking of you. You take so much space in my mind and in my heart oh, so much that sometimes I couldn't breathe just to imagine living another day without you. Last but not least, you make it so hard to not love you, let alone to hate you despite all the things that you've done, consciously and unconsciously. I'm taking my days splitting my mind to und...

15 years ago, I disbelieved the constitution called 'marriage'. To me, it's nothing but a complete insanity to share you life with a stranger until the day you die. I thought it was stupid to be with someone new and let go more than a half of you to be something else you're probably not. It was a complete non sense to me to be married and be trapped inside it. Let's say it's part of my trauma with my parents. It took me another decade from that day to understand why I felt what I felt. Then I realised, everything is made for a reason. Nothing is coincident and nothing is not meant to be when it is. 5 years ago, I was finally trapped in my marriage, an unhealthy one. Needless to say how harmful the relationship was for me & my partner back then. We decided to split, hard-heartedly of course but we managed. It was official after 4 years being married. Today, I'm typing this with a full consciousness that I'll be 'trapping' myself again in anoth...