tulisan hampa

 Dear Self You matter. You play an important role in this life, and you are important to some individuals. Not a few people are expecting and hoping a lot from you. You have to stay sane and you have to stay strong. You are the place to go for your kids, you are the core of their education. You are awaited and anticipated. No matter how painful days can be, or saddening situation might be. No matter how hard tasks hit you, and no matter how bitter life can turn, you have to stand up and stand still. Rest your problems and thoughts to Allah. Let shalah and sabr be your rescue in any situation. Don't stop believing that Allah listens, He forgives and He loves you. Remember, whatever happens, you have to remain resilient, persistent and sane. That's the key. best regards yourself

and it's okay to have more than 10. 1. I hate your kindness.  You always try to help, while most of your ways are irritating and I don't like being treated so kind. 2. I hate your sincerity.  You always try to help literally everyone in this world. Do you think you're a saint?  3. I hate your forgiving attitude.  You always let go of grudge and it makes me feel bad when I'm mad and you're not towards one bad situation. 4. I hate your smile and your cheers whenever I am home.  I feel like I'm a door prize or celebrity. You make me feel awaited and wanted. 5. I hate your brilliance.  You always knows how to figure most things and you tend to find a way out in most situations. You think you're a genius huh?  6. I hate your jokes - it's the worst!  It's annoying and sometimes offensive. It's not funny and most of them are condescending me. 7. I hate your touch and your warmth.  It's hot! Stop touching me and being clingy because I don't like ...

You are the luckiest, because I speak Foreign Language. I absolutely know and understand the language you speak, and though conflict happened, it wasn't because I didn't understand it, but because I chose to be angry instead of accepting. But last night was special. You said "I love you" in Foreign Language, which I think you think I don't know, or I don't care. But I know, and it means so much to me. The more special thing was it happened during my sober time, I wasn't asleep or unconscious, I was fully awake and in my brain's primetime. Of course I still dislike quite some things and moment. But dislike-ness isn't my priority these days, I have selected the best emotions and managed the best reaction and action towards all situation by realising that we can always CHOOSE how to behave. I can always CHOOSE to stay quiet or to speak up. I can always CHOOSE to start and respond the conflict or sit down and watch. Yes, I occasionally love watching fa...

I was wrong to think that this is the safe space I could talk about you or anything else that I can't express in person. I was completely wrong to think that you wouldn't find me here. I was, of course, wrong to think that I went unnoticed. You are one of the things I think about before I sleep almost every night. Just almost, because one or two nights, my mind couldn't occupy more than the exhaustion of adoring you. Yes, to you, perhaps I don't exist. Or maybe I don't read it well to realise that I am meant to go unnoticed anyway. The expectation kills, they say, and I believe them. Yet, I don't find anything more reasonable than having and expectation to go through day by day in my life. Expecting and hoping you would finally see, or realise, or sense, or,,, ah, it's just an expectation. Yes it kills. So let me blog you, to keep myself reminded one day why I put up with insanity of watching and loving you from distance. Only a slight faith, but it's mo...