Here comes again the mid Spring, where everything is never be the same every year. Last year I met this little girl, now she is going to the elementary school. She is no longer playing with her baby doll; instead, she is holding a huge sized lollipop. I glare at her as we sit down together, talking as we have known each other very well.
“Sudah siap-siap untuk sekolah, tahun ini?” she nods heedlessly.
“Tante sudah ketemu Billy?” I nod heedlessly.
“Kamu tau kan di sekolah nanti kamu akan ketemu banyak teman baru dan memainkan permainan baru sama mereka?”
“Tau, tapi aku juga harus selalu latihan fisik agar tidak kalah sama para lelakinya.”
Aku mengerutkan kening mendengar jawaban itu. Kenapa anak seumuran dia justru memikirkan hal negative untuk dihindari dibanding merencanakan permainan seru. Aku menyondongkan badanku ke kanan untuk mendengar jawaban selanjutnya.
“tante, don’t glare at me like that. I thrive under pressure; I have to fight all the time. My parents are never exist and you are not my parents. Don’t ever try to hold me down like I would give myself up to such treatment.” Matanya tidak beralih dari lollipop-nya dan aku heran karena tumben ia agak banyak bicara. Sengaja aku diam dan terus menunggu dia bicara lebih banyak lagi.
“tante, have you heard that childhood is the real moment where you have to literally fight and survive against everything that go on your way? That is the moment where I will build my dreams and plan my future. I will let go all abuses and ignorance those people have given me. I will stand on my own feet and walk upon what I believe and what I want.”
“April, where did you learn to speak like that? Your parents love you, and I know it.” sekarang giliran ia diam menatapku dengan sebelah mata kirinya tanpa menoleh. Ia menungguku melanjutkan bicara. “you just have to enjoy your childhood and have fun with everything around you.”
“Tante, I don’t feel my life is fun” ia berdiri dan meninggalkan lollipopnya di sebelah kananku. Kami bertatapan sebentar dan dia menutup pertemuan kami dengan “send my warmest regard to Billy. And tell him that he is lucky to have a beautiful mother like you”
Terakhir kali aku berkonsultasi dengan psikiater, April membentakku dengan sangat keras sebelum menangis terisak-isak di pelukanku. Waktu itu perkaranya adalah karena Billy mendapatkan sepeda baru dari ayahnya, sementara April tidak mendapat hadiah apapun dari orang tuanya. Aku hanya bilang “your parents save your presents for the school year next season, sweetheart” lalu ia membentakku dihadapan psikiaternya. I was shocked and so was her therapist. Her voice was loud and really scary. “adults are never been good in treating kids, you are not even good in lying! Cheater!!”
Kadang aku berpikir bahwa April benar, we are not even good in cheating, either.
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