the very last dinner

...was a cup of warm soup and a slice of beef steak...


"I'm glad you're back in town. How's work?"
"It was okay. How's yours?"
"Been doing crazy things and orders everywhere about the stock. You know, people are getting smarter now, plus they're getting more demanding too. I guess both Karl Marx and Adam Smith would love to experience this era"
"Uh huh"
"I missed you. Tell me about your school plan. You're taking different major?"


It was 2 in the morning, he could not stop asking me questions I didn't bother to elaborate. I wish I could be as straightforward as him when he's bored.


"I love my job, but I too look forward to feeling the classroom atmosphere again. Could you give me a break about which one to choose? I think I'm confused enough without you asking about the details." I think I hurt him.
"I'm sorry, I'm just wondering if I could be any help."
"I'm sorry, I really am happy being here with you. I just wanna have some fresh air before gasping the bad one back there. And this talk isn't really what I want. I'm really sorry"
"That is completely fine. Let's talk about something else. What happened with your housemate? Is she okay?"


The clock has turned to 3 in the morning. I yawned and rested my head on his lap. He was still talking about the crisis and politics in the world. I love his smart talk.



"Liz, you okay? You fell asleep last night, the telly was on when I stepped in" Cam woke me up with her soft voice and the smelly coffee
"Hey, I'm fine. I've just had a dream going home and meet my boyfriend"
"Oh dear, I believe he's fine by now. You missed him, huh?" I think Cam almost gave me a comforting hug when I was about to move out from the living room and headed to my bedroom.



On the table, "That very last dinner dream was remarkable, you talked about things that I love, no matter how ignorant I have been lately. I missed you. Tom"
I read his latest post card sent last week. He's gone now.
I feel horrible, I'm a little creep that scared out of my own's boyfriend funeral.
I feel...

It's just....
The very actual last dinner was when he proposed to me. I keep on falling into pieces, up until today.