Dear Afi
Today is officially a crying day for me after the dream I had about you.
We met in a friend's gathering for photoshoot, you were wearing your authentic Javanese outer and wearing your nerdy glasses. I held your hand and we talked with our friends. Before I left the party, I hugged you and said I missed you, you hugged me back and told me to be happy. I asked "Fi, kayak apa sih di sana?"
"Terang le, kadang kedengeran suara ngaji samar-samar, kadang adem, tapi terang dan sendirian"
then I hugged you one more time before I woke up.
Fi, ini udah taun ke-empat sejak lo pergi. Asli, masih sama rasa nggak percaya-nya waktu pertama gue denger lo meninggal. Gue masih inget telpon Bapak dan Ibu, mereka cuma bisa nahan tangis sambil minta maaf. Sampe sekarang gue pun belum ke makamlo, maafin ya, I will very soon. Udah janjian sama Ibu kok.
What I wanted to tell you this time, was unlike the one I wrote before. This time I just wanna say, mungkin dari sekian banyak mimpi dimana kita ketemu, kali ini lo mau remind something ya? Either about death, atau ya memang kangen aja sama Bapak dan Ibu. Okay, either way, I'd just done both. Mushaf dari lo masih gue baca, dan gue langsung WA ibu dan mbak Ajeng sebangun tidur tadi. Fi, whatever the situation is, you're always in the corner of my heart. Maaf ya cuma bisa kirim doa dari sini. Terima kasih banyak memorinya yang, kayaknya dikit, apa banyak ya gue juga nggak tau hahaha, yang jelas gue merasa sangat beruntung ketemu dan punya lo di hidup ini.
Imagine now, if you were here with us, you'd rant so many shits about corona, politics, anything... you'd probably made content on IGTV, or maybe cover another song other than the one we made almost a decade ago. Whatever it is, I have strong belief you are truly amazing to be around.
Also, gue udah bilang sama Ibu tadi, about my divorce, about my plan, about my promise visiting her. Honestly I even plan to buy a house nearby her area, entah kenapa rasanya punya koneksi batin aja sama Ibu sejak pertama kali ketemu sampe sekarang. I hope you don't mind. Nggak tau apa itu yang lo coba sampaikan setiap ketemu di mimpi belakangan ini.
This morning was so tiring for me of crying over you and the memory. Mau bilang kangen rasanya cupu ya, karena entah kapan bisa ketemu lagi. Mau bilang pengen ketemu, tapi gimana caranya, cuma bisa lewat mimpi dan doa.
Afi, wherever you are, I really caress you and our memory. I really hope you're in peace now, and all our prayers here sampe ke elo dan mendamaikan lo disana. I really hope we meet again one day.
So long,
sampe ketemu di mimpi berikutnya.
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