tulisan hampa

Pulang dari Pandeglang, aku seperti mendapat banyak oleh-oleh moral yang menyadarkan akan hal baru tentang hidup; dunia ini nggak cuma hitam dan putih. Aku melihat keluarga-keluarga Sunda dan nilai budaya Islam ala leluhurnya. Aku melihat sosok keramahan di sebuah desa bernama Tamanjaya, di kampung Paniis dan aku belajar bahwa cinta itu bermacam bentuknya. Sepertinya nggak adil kalo kubilang "jahat dan salah" kepada seorang nenek yang membawa cucunya bekerja sambil mengumpat manja tiap bocah 1.5tahun itu jatuh dari langkah kecilnya. Aku selalu tau bahwa parenting itu berat, tapi nggak adil juga jika seorang nenek yang aku tidak tau latar belakangnya harus kunilai "salah" saat menyertakan cucunya di kesehariannya. Dan banyak kisah keluarga dan parenting lainnya yang membuatku miris, hingga aku dipaksa menerima hanya dalam hitungan tiga hari kerja. Belum lagi kisah 97 murid sekolah dasar yang minim sentuhan kemajuan dan teknologi padahal pandemi memaksa untuk berevolu...

Dear Mas Hafiz It's a comforting image to me to know that you are sleeping sound with the kids. They are not yours but surprisingly you treat them so much better than their own real father. I am truly blessed having you. Please don't get tired of hearing me adoring and loving you. Please don't get bored with my cuddling attitudes towards you. Please don't stop understanding how much I look up to you a lot. You are truly an answered prayer I've longed for since I was so sure I needed an imaam. Mas, this might be the missing part of me typing as we haven't met 10 days since our business trips. But I am well aware that every day I love you more and more, for everything that you do, and for everything that you are. Thank you very much for choosing me over anything else in your life. I really can't wait to see you & to be in your arms again. With love, Your wife.

Berpasrahlah, karena apa yang jadi milikmu tidak akan melewatkanmu, dan apa yang bukan milikmu tidak akan datang padamu. Rasakanlah hangatnya pelukan sepertiga malam, agar kau ingat lagi berapa banyak rahmat yang tidak bisa kau hitung. Pejamkanlah risaumu, agar kau tidak selalu lelah mengkuantifikasi atau mengkualifikasi setiap kejadian yang harus kau tuntaskan persamaannya. Duduklah lebih dalam, sujudlah lebih lama, agar kau rasakan cinta yang tidak ada bandingannya. Cinta yang tidak selalu kau paham bahasanya, tapi selalu bisa kau reguk tenangnya. Diamlah, lihat lagi sekitarmu. Nikmat yang mana yang kau dustai?

 Underneath the blanket and between the sweats running through our neck and the jawlines. I think this might be the most personal post I have ever written after considering a few possibilities that might come out when it's released. There is something about your touch. It's not necessarily warm all the time, but it touches rightly. There is something hypnotising about your stare, when you look down at me and smile without grinning. You make me so loved and so exposed at the same time. The after feeling is even greater. You make me feel protected without having to fight for it. I am so safe around you. I am so content when you're next to me. Just to feel you looking at me and listening to what I have in my silly mind. Then to always respond to my thoughts erratically. You tell me back stories I haven't heard and you always have something new to surprise me. Effortlessly. Guess it's must be hard for you to love me. Because you make it through so effortlessly. And I lo...