This post will probably be a joking material for psychology students and researchers. Hell yeah! It is another parenting post. About how a couple act as parents and affect their children's behaviour in treating them. Let me draw 3 main aspects to be analysed here; respect, interactiveness and ... Let's skip number three until i finish a few more paragraphs.
1. Respect
I firstly wondered what if my parents bred me in a serious and strict way. They have been very fun, loving and in-educative to me and my siblings. They reflect their friendliness yet authoritarian style of parenting that made me (i can't have a say for my brothers) feel like they are my bossy friends. Yes, friends but bossy.
Not to mention how grateful I am raised by them, but I think their background affects the way they treat kids; they were fighters and they would always do anything to make their living better. Considering as our economy aspect grew quite stable, my littlest brother, compared to me, came up quite more relaxed in terms of financial situation, hence or parents didn't make a big deal out of how much we spend to live this life. Again, this answers why me and my littlest brother have different perspective in seeing and using an asking for money.
Anyway, in summary, respect was built from the way parents present and represent themselves in front of their children. Once you're a friendly person, they will 'buddy' you and you gotta balance this in by drawing a clear line whether one second you guys are friends, and another second you are their older ancestor whom respect should be paid. Not funny, huh, poked by your son while you're preaching about how doors should always be locked by the last person who comes home? Respect your spouse, too, hence your kids know how to respect their other parent. Don't fight in front of your kids, stay mature and loving, at least show them that you are. Make them see what you want them to see from you. Be always aware of it.
2. Interactiveness
This is closely related to respect, however, i was meaning to focus on how kids treat their parents and vice versa.
It is very very wise for parents to set up a mind of their kids to be "constructively criticising" regarding human error possibility. No matter how old a person can be, mistakes are inevitable and human always needs each other to remind and correct them. This social Garfunkel circumstance creates the mind of sportive, competitive and open minded of kids. Let them build, take and give criticism in a wise way, including to parents.
Sometimes parents feel like they are just too "mature" to even listen to what pointed out wrong to them. Parents make mistakes and mostly using those as an excuse to be a "see, don't make mistakes like i did, son?" therapy instead of teaching kids how to prevent them.
Moreover, they are mostly reluctant to just ask "son, what do you think i can do to overcome this matter?". Normal, I would say this is normal. They're parents, and they are naturally more expert in living a tough life. They just sometimes cannot see how open and constructive interactiveness are also for their own good as parents and for kids psychological development. Kids take out and learn social and psychological patterns from their parents; some in a destructive way, some in a positive way. Being an open parents does not make you look bad or weak or dumb. A good approach will make you even look wiser, fun, and not-scray-but-respectful parents.
3. Openness
(Finally figured out what to write here.)
Most parents want their kids to not just being honest towards questions, but also being opened about ANYTHING. Be ridiculous, but once someone becomes true parents, this desire just exists. They definitely want the best for their kids, hence they want every tiny truth and details regarding their kids' life. Unfortunately, this is so hard.
People have their own individual right and preferences to tell what to who on when. And just because a woman gave birth to a kid, does not mean this kid must tell everything to this mom. Neither does the mom, no need to actually tell every single thing to a kid. Closeness and psychological proximity do not make someone a half of someone else's. Being opened is an individual's choice.
Parents cannot force their kids to be very opened. BUT they can plant the image of wellness and beauty in telling secrets or things. Just like a supply and demand theory; you must provide sufficient space in your heart to every cent story your kids would tell you on your (both direct and indirect demand). Show them what you are capable of in terms of hearing and offering comments and solutions, and let them choose what and how much they can tell you. Freedom gives kids nothing but comfort, and there is nothing more desired than talking to a comfortable person in a comfort situation and ambience, with a comforting outcome. The domino effect.
Tell them your secret, so they learn two things; it is okay to tell secrets to the person you trust, and once you're told a secret, keep it. Double impact without hurting their right and preferences to tell what to parents.
Never ever implying a secret will be told back when you've given up your secret to them. Be pure and show them that you tell your secret because you trust them, not because you want something in return. Be pure and generous in trusting kids.
So, after all this rumbling thought, i have no guarantee at all to be a good parent one day. I just learn, like all humans do in life.
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