I journal-ed a lot lately in my notebook. Yes, it's the small blue note book that I always carry around in my pink pouch. I don't know why, my writing is not that good anyway, plus typing is so much quicker and easier. I think it's just my emotional imbalance that pushes me to handwrite instead of type.
Okay, I thought we agreed we'd meet in the middle.
But then I remembered, no, it was me who suggested it and you were never on the same page. You never agreed to it. It's always me.
I thought I'd give you time alone when you're feeling unsure, then when you're a bit fine, you can talk it over to me. But you never did. You kept it all by yourself, and I try to let it slide, most of the times. I get to do the hard work translating and interpreting why you act what you act. You were never taking any part in helping me figure things out. Either you want to let it pass or you really have no idea how to tell me. Or maybe you think I must be so smart to think everything alone and figure everything on my own? Oh, whatever it is.
My last journal told you things that I don't tell you. Mostly I kept it to myself.
Yes, I know, right? You might be thinking "what? you have things that you DON'T TELL ME? Of everything you always share and talk about?"
Yes. There are.
Or maybe, "no, if you want to tell, you'd tell. If you want to keep, go ahead"
Ah I see, you are this one.
It's okay, we both know I'll keep writing whether you're going to find out or not. I'll keep writing without hoping you'd notice. I'll keep writing for the sake of my sanity. Despite everything I always tell, believe me, there are many more other things I don't.
Because I know we wouldn't meet in the middle. So let me level with you, and I'll travel what's not convenient for me just to make you convenient with being you.
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