tulisan hampa

This year is emotionally whimsical to me. Absolutely wicked. Let's go through the yearly review again, yes!!! As an annual note, this might leave me missing some parts because, you know, not everything is worth recording, recalling, and sharing of course. Well anyway, these are the highlights! January 2017 This new year's eve was the first words said by Skylar, our 7 month baby, and the word was "bababa" clearly. It was magical, beyond the fireworks sound and noise around our place that night. I think my January went very well as we also went to Singapore and I met some quality friends there, aside from the fact that life was still a new puzzle to solve for me. But it's okay, 2017 should be fine right. February 2017 Juggling between becoming a mother and a working lady was hard, this isn't a lie and I am not exaggerating it. I was thinking to resign but the the projects at work were too cool (and important) to be missed. Anyhow, Skylar started to...

" So this is very very rare. I got this from my mother's closet and I don't think she would like it if she found out I sort of stole this" I whispered to Emily, she looked amused and astounded at the same time. "Wow! Is that really...." I nodded and she observed the object deeper and longer than she usually stared at my eyes, "do you think we really have to.... you know... sometimes I want to just let it go" "No, Em, I know you don't. I know there are things you want to clear up too. I know that, for instance, night when I didn't come to your place when you said you got an accident, you're wondering why..." I was about to go on with more things I have left her stranded. She started to cry. I startled seeing her tears came out so much so quick. "Umh, okay if you don't want to.. I'd just return this to my mother's....." After all this time, it's still her happiness that I worry about the mo...

"Yah, coba ceritakan lagi, seperti apa wajah anak kita?" Sekar berkata lembut setelah aku meletakkan Angkasa di tempat tidurnya di sebelah ranjang kami. Sambil menahan isakan tangis, aku menjawab, "oh, sebentar ya, aku ambil dulu anaknya biar kamu gendong sambil aku cerita" sambil beranjak ke arah pintu kamar dan meneteskan air dari mataku tanpa suara. Ingatanku kembali ke dini hari saat Angkasa hendak keluar dari tempat bersemayamnya di rahim istriku. Dokter sudah mengingatkanku berbagai resikonya jika Sekar tetap melahirkan dengan proses normal. Aku sendiri ragu, dan sempat berpikir mau menerima pinjaman uang Pamanku untuk operasi caesar. Namun Sekar meyakinkanku lagi, bahwasanya jika Bumi bisa lahir dengan normal dan sempurna, maka adiknya pun pasti bisa. Dengan bekal keyakinan berpasangan, akhirnya Angkasa lahir pukul 7 pagi, dan meninggalkan tangisannya mengiringi terpejamnya mata ibunya. Selama beberapa jam Sekar tidak sadarkan diri, dan saat ia buka lagi ...

"Good morning baby! You're ready?" this morning I was being let go of driving Nash to school. Nash will have his Dad all day, and I was set free to do shopping, and I guess another meeting with Dusk. "So, I see that you're so persistent about us. I'm just going to tell you now. I am pregnant." I finally got the moment after the laugh we shared over our colleagues in the office. He was, I think, between shocked, wandered, and waiting for me to say the "I'm joking" part. I didn't meet his expectation. "What? How? I mean, again?" "This is not yours, so sorry. So I guess this is it. I'm really sorry" Dusk has never ever been that torn since our first break up. The comeback healed him and now I break him again. I think this time is the worst. He didn't say anything. After finishing his coffee, he just left, without even looking at me at all. I was broken too, I don't know how but I was broken too. I w...

Hanya Soal Waktu🎊 Hanya soal waktu... Saat rumahmu akan sebersih dan serapih rumah2 dalam majalah2 yang sering kau irikan itu Maka... nikmatilah setiap detik letihmu yang harus berpuluh kali membereskan kekacauan yang mereka buat Hanya soal waktu... Saat mereka tak mau lagi kau gandeng, peluk atau sekedar kau cium rambutnya Maka... berbahagialah ketika mereka selalu membuntutimu kemanapun kakimu melangkah, meski kadang hal itu mengesalkanmu, bagi mereka tak ada selainmu Hanya soal waktu... Saat kau tak lagi jadi si serba tahu dan tempat mengadu Maka... bersabarlah dengan rentetan pertanyaan juga celoteh riang dari mulut mungil mereka yang kadang membuat dahimu mengernyit atau keasyikanmu terhenti Hanya soal waktu... Saat mereka mulai meminta kamarnya masing2 dan melarangmu mengutak atik segala rupa apa yang di dalamnya Maka... tahan emosimu dari rengekan manja mereka saat minta kelon atau dongeng sebelum tidur ketika mata 5 wattmu juga meminta  haknya Hanya so...

It's late. Probably will finish this later, besides I also have to take Nash to school tomorrow morning. Sand texted me this morning and I hadn't had any chance to reply. Now I feel like I have to. "Hey, sorry just finished with everything now. I'll see you tomorrow?" He was still up there. "Pick me up? I'm taking you to a quick date near airport, my friend's just opened his cafe" Yes! He always knows what I like, coffee and books. He always surprises me with unpredictable things; being better than Dusk, and being more thoughtful than anyone. I always flashback to our first meeting in Berlin that evening, I was so impressed by his paintings, which turned out to be only a side hobby. I couldn't believe it so we grabbed some cups of coffee to explain to me and convince me that he wasn't (only) artistic, but (also) kind and mature. "I'm sorry for your loss. But like, more sorry for his loss of losing you" he made a very...

"You're late again, Mum." Nash welcomed me with a very frown face, I felt very guilty, I said "I had to see Dusk I'm sorry honey. Do you wanna get some ice cream now? Been a long time we don't hang out in that place again near the subway" I tried to sound excited and hoped to make him cheer up a bit. I worked I guess, he grabbed my hand and we walked together to the carpark. "When is Dad home this week, Mum?" "Umm.. I think Friday, but he's gonna stay until the end of this month" again, I hoped to cheer him up more after being away from his Dad for almost three weeks now. He wasn't interested, but he told me his plan that we had to agree, "I want to go to the art museum and the sea world next week" "Sure boss, we're ready for wherever you want us to go!" he smiled, and he went on telling me the whole story at school today. He said he met a new classmate from Orlando, she was sweet, her name is Liz...

I don't know if you will one day read this or not. I just want to let you know that.. there are nights when I thank God for closing some doors - the doors with you in it, the doors with you in my head, the doors with your name on it, and the doors of hope you and I are going to work and opening the other doors - blissful life I'm living, amazing people I am surrounded with, the mental health I experienced, and the amazing things that has happened to me because you ARE NOT around. I thank God for showing me the closed door before, so I know what I am thankful about. I am glad I have been hurt, so I know how to not hurt people. And I am glad we are over, so I am sure you are not that one I had been wishing for. Thanks

NO. I CANNOT KEEP THIS TO MYSELF. I'm taking a break from being-a-mom posts! This is me! www.eatvacation.com this is me. and this is me. My first time ever interviewing a legend and got featured in main article of an online magazine! Check this one out: WWW.EATVACATION.COM and yeah. that's all. thanks.

Last weekend, I went two days straight only with mu husband. Where? Nowhere significant; a movie date, wedding reception and a day out in campus. Saturday . We watched Spiderman Homecoming, and I decided to use my simple bag without baby stuff in it. I didn't check what was inside until I sat nicely at a 'sweetbox' seat - a seat for couples in a cinema, and opened my bag to reach my phone. I was shocked it was so empty but only purse, one lipstick, a hand sanitizer, a body lotion and a pantyliner. Then I realised this was my just-married bag, the one I used when we just got married and I was still full of myself back then. I didn't need to carry any diapers, clothes, bibs, baby powder, and minyak telon. I didn't have toys in it, I didn't even have wet AND facial tissue. I was so... simple, light & alone. At night after the movie, we went to a relative's wedding. I didn't bring my bag at all. Even my phone was dead and I left everything in the ca...

Hari ini seharian full sama Sky. dari dia bangun sampe dia tidur lagi. Rasanya...... Indescribable. Bersyukur punya mama yang supportive banget, dan bersyukur punya bayi yang cooperative banget. Enak banget rasanya bisa spend the whole day with my loved ones. It's always something I treasure. I still have tomorrow to spend all day with Sky. Sebelum Jumat kembali lagi jadi kuli yang ngga jelas. I pray to God always give my baby health & happiness.

"marry me?" After a sip I almost spilled the whole cup of tea hearing that, "I'm sorry what?" "you heard me, I want you to marry me, leave him and move with me" I closed  and opened my eyes repetitiously, "are you out of your mind? I am married! And I have three kids from my husband!" now I rolled my eyes and scan the air. Where did he get all this madness? Why so sudden? What now? "We both know you're not happy" he kept telling me this but now it's in other phrase "I am happy with my life, what makes you think I'm not?" I'm confused with his deduction "You barely see him, he barely touches you, I know you love me more!" he got more confident just when I started staring at him seriously "No you don't know that, I lo... " I paused and got angry a bit,"I can't marry you, you're insane!" "Come on you only see him like what?" I opened my mouth in sho...

2007 Whats it motherhood like? I bet it feels amazing. I look up to my mom, and other moms, and I see that they are amazing. They struggle in pain, happiness, tears, anger and hunger, yet they survived. My mom. Well, I don't know exactly what I want to be when I grow up. I'm still dating this bad boy and my life is an adventure. I start to believe that marriage sucks, I have to surrender myself to a stranger, a man who does not deserve me, a boy who will rule this and that for me, someone who barely knows me; an imam. Oh cliche. Motherhood. Can I be a mom without getting married? Technically can. Socially not. I can imagine the amazingness of being a mother. Raising my child and giving the best of me. Will my child need a father? Well, I need my father, so yes I guess my child will need a father. I just know that my mother maybe does not need my father. Weird. A nyway, that's still too far. I have to focus on this assignments and exams first before all that c...

You know what home is? Home is wherever and whenever I'm with you. Singapore Botanical Garden Changi Airport, 2017

It's Skylar's 9th month now. People have been saying this and that. People have been judging here and there. People have been telling on what and how. You know what I'm gonna do? Whatever works. I love you Skylar.

It started to rain as I just sat back on my comfortable couch, typing my next blog post as a report of my travel journey. Yes, I am a traveller. I gave up college for travelling. Daddy said I'm crazy but I don't care. I used my money for travelling. This evening the sky is beautifully dark, so is my travel story. I went to Neverbotherland. It's a small village near an archipelago. I found its name so weird and that's why I went there. I stayed with local, to explore better and to save money. The weather was very nice back there, it was windy but not too cold. I over-brought my coat I guess. The food was okay, plain but okay. From where I come from, spice is a must in cooking, but in Neverbotherland, it was all plain. But that's okay, I always think local food is another experience I should never complain about. Travelling is about learning to adapt yourself to what is not your usual things. Only three days in that house, Nomi's, and I think it was the most in...

Kenalin, nama gue Mulya, 22 tahun, tinggal di Jakarta. Karena gue anak daerah yang lagi mengais rejeki dan memperjelas jati diri, gue ngekost di daerah Jakarta Pusat. Katanya biar deket kemana-mana. Padahal yang namanya Jakarta sedeket apapun tetep jauh rasanya karena cuma deket doang tapi ngga jadian. Eh. Maksudnya deket doang tapi macetnya ampun ampunan. Temen sekamar gue, sesama anak daerah, namanya Ayu. Pacarnya borju gile, hampir tiap malem kami party dibayarin sama si Gaga ini. Well, katanya sih Gaga ini anaknya pejabat tingga daerah Indonesia Timur. Gaga tinggal sama ibu tirinya di Jakarta, dan ibu kandungnya sama bapak kandungnya di rumah dinas di Timur sana. Nggapapa lah, gue sih ngga begitu peduli sama keluarga orang, yang penting Gaga baik suka traktir minum dan anter kami pulang. Malem ini, seperti biasa, Gaga dan Ayu akan pacaran dulu di bioskop sebelum party nanti. "Lu mau ikut ga nonton? Gaga dapet 1 tiket gratis dari bank nih" Ayu bersuara dari kamar mand...