tulisan hampa

"I have an issue of losing things. Sometimes I can let go of something as if I don't need it anymore. Sometimes I hold tight and fight til I die to not lose things that I want so bad" "what's your latest interests?" dokter Ashley mendorong meja di hadapan kami ke sebelah kanan sehingga lutut kami semakin dekat. "my interests? well, cooking and fishing" sofa empuk yang kududuki terasa semakin menghangatkan pinggulku "interesting. Tell me about it!" "I am basically not a nice person. I insult many people and I rarely smile to new friends, even family." "oh, why?" ia mengerutkan keningnya. "because I don't wanna be a nice person. I think things should go my way or nor" "Do you classify yourself as selfish?" "I believe everyone is selfish, I know someone who's more selfish than me. and she does not even bother to go to a psychiatrist as if being selfish does not hurt her" ...

"hey, kenapa sayang?" dia merangkulku dari kanan lalu mengusap lengan kiriku. Aku cuma bisa menatap lututnya yang setinggi pahaku sambil menunduk menitikkan air mata. Aku nggak bisa ngomong apa-apa, cuma diam. Sementara dia masih mengusa-usap telapak tangan hangatnya ke lengan kiriku sambil sesekali meremasnya. "semuanya pasti baik-baik aja. kamu jangan khawatir sama hal-hal yang nggak jelas gitu" aku menggigit bibir bawahku dengan penuh rasa cemas. Air mataku sekarang mengalir agak deras. Dekapan dari sebelahku semakin kuat, mungkin karena dia merasakan punggungku mulai naik turun. Aku enggan berbicara, takut diafragmaku nggak stabil dan malah mengeluarkan suara konyol yang akan membuat dia tertawa. Aku senang liat dia serius, sebab selama ini dia selalu fun dan sering bercanda untuk hal apapun. Diambilnya botol minuman biru dari dalam tasnya, disuguhkan padaku tanpa melepas rangkulannya dari lengan kiriku. Aku minum seteguk, sedikit lega, lalu "makasih ya....

I received my feedback about this blog. I am totally sorry for those who hurt, and congrats for those who think this shit is nice. baiklah, mari kembali bersampah dengan bahasa indonesia. ngomong-ngomong, stats di blogger bilang audiences saya juga ada yang dari US lho, beneran deh amazed gimana om gugel menyampaikan mereka pada sampah ini. nggak salah kan kalo saya tulis "how did you get here" sebagai slogan blog saya? udah empat tahun saya nulis, beberapa cerita ada yang jadi nyata. bener deh, saya sampe pusing sendiri baca postingan saya yang mana judulnya yang mana ceritanya. maaf yah kalo ada yang bingung dan bosen dengan judul-judul menyebalkan yang nggak bisa dilacak. serius deh, 70 dari ratusan posting saya ini dibuat dalam keadaan mental yang nggak stabil. kadang sambil senyum, kadang ngetiknya lambat, kadang emosi karena nggak nemu bahasa yang baik dan tepat. yah gitu deh... mudah-mudahan feedback kalian bisa saya pake untuk improve tulisan hampa...selebihnya,...

Dear Janice, I hope you are doing well in Vietnam as I know how you're madly in love with that exotic country. Please don't forget bringing me that ethnic bracelet from the market. Well, we have been best friends since 15 years ago, high school moments are always our favourites. I always envy how those basketball and cricket captains were competing each other to ask you out. And still, you're that priceless princess turning them away from your Saturday night. Instead we did ourselves manicure and hair-do. Girls nights, oh, how I adore you. So, this might be the most cheerful letter that I have sent you, but yes, I couldn't help myself from refraining my happy thoughts about me and Dows. You know, he told me yesterday all about your relationship with him. He told me that you were always mad at him for every single pieces of things that didn't go your way. He never said 'I love you' every morning to you like he does to me everyday (up until now). He told...

De Gaulle, Paris, France. I believe I needed to travel farther to reach Janice. I don't know why I am still into her. We broke up million years ago, and now I am engaged. "mon cher! bienvenue a Francaise! " her French never impress me, it's the way she speaks it makes me fall deeper to her perseverance of studying. I believe it was not my fault to leave her as she decided to take a designing school in Sweden. All I know it was just shocking to finally end up dating her best friend, who is now my fiancee. "darling, I really stuck with these crazy people talking language that I hate so much. It's as if their tongues are the best rolling when they pronounce the crazy language and as if they are the best in kissing, knowing that there is no English Kiss. I hate being here, and if it's not because of you, I would have spent my summer in Miami, rather than this ridiculous part of Europe" "it's Paris, seven out of eight people want to be ...

i typically am being a bit sarcastic each night, sarcastic about how life might go. i put more detention to those who might be aware of what i am stepping at. like this dusk, i put the highest extent of self-defying. "jadi gimana nih presentasi kita? mau pake design yang kemarin biar ada efek animasi gitu?" "menurut gua sih efek animasinya digabung aja sama efek 2D yang emang udah ada template-nya" "nggak usah deh, satu aja, biar nggak ribet. mau animasi apa 2D?" "2D aja deh, gua takut nanti malah keunggulan kita nggak menonjol karena kalah sama animasinya" "okay, that works!" i barely conscious that this guy i am debating with is the one that i had a crush on lately. i barely have any guts to even show him that he is smart and comforting. i defeated by the fact that the last wound was not really healed. it left me a burning scar, which somehow still hurts, no matter how old that one is. "ayolah selesaiin semua, gua mau ...

"Janice, you're here. I thought you were in Paris" Dow was shocked seeing a huge tote bag carried out by a woman he knew. "Oh hi, you seemed to always think the wrong thing about me" Janice combed her pony and sacked up her bag "no, you told me last week that you were going to Paris for the conference" Dow shrugged his shoulders unbelievably "gosh, Dow, you don't even want to admit that you're wrong" "hi guys, you know each other?" Julia came up suddenly from nowhere and surprised Dow. "well. yeah, Janice's my friend" "he's my ex boyfriend" Janice answered Julia exactly the same time Dow was speaking "sorry? again, one of you answer it so I don't get confused" Julia slightly frowned looking at both Dow and Janice's eyes "umh, well, we used to date....three years ago? wasn't it, Janice?" it was a while when Janice smile cruelly to Dow and fixed her scar...

the last leap year was.. unthinkable. i thought leap year would always brings something bad to me, but not at all. apparently, leap year leads me to prosperity and failure in love life. this leap year..i am expecting more prosperity so i don't have to mind another love failure. i always fail in relationship anyway. been a long time not writing any story, been busy with school and how it has to be finished within a year time. been thinking about taking a phD without getting married first. i satisfy myself by being surreptitiously working very hard, i don't mind failing, as long as i know that i have died trying. i am assertive and open-minded, i don't mind falling as long as i know how manageable the pain will be. knowing heartily happy and firm, i hurt myself physically nowadays. i find myself struggling with tangible fights rather than masked ones. i prefer blending my ideas with the nature, rather than giving up my freedom to vainly happiness. this l...