senja (dusk)

i typically am being a bit sarcastic each night, sarcastic about how life might go.
i put more detention to those who might be aware of what i am stepping at.
like this dusk, i put the highest extent of self-defying.
"jadi gimana nih presentasi kita? mau pake design yang kemarin biar ada efek animasi gitu?"
"menurut gua sih efek animasinya digabung aja sama efek 2D yang emang udah ada template-nya"
"nggak usah deh, satu aja, biar nggak ribet. mau animasi apa 2D?"
"2D aja deh, gua takut nanti malah keunggulan kita nggak menonjol karena kalah sama animasinya"
"okay, that works!"

i barely conscious that this guy i am debating with is the one that i had a crush on lately. i barely have any guts to even show him that he is smart and comforting. i defeated by the fact that the last wound was not really healed. it left me a burning scar, which somehow still hurts, no matter how old that one is.

"ayolah selesaiin semua, gua mau lanjut ke project selanjutnya"
"sip-sip, tapi santai aja kali, ngebut bener ye"
"bukan, soalnya banyak banget nanti jadi numpuk kalo nggak dicicil"
"oke oke boss"

he is always adorable, in desk, in sports, in street and in my imagination. i don't see him quite sensitive, in fact, his sensitivity kind of line me a clear orientation of how a feeling should. this is the first time in my life to be told of what i ought to feel about something. i didn't know that dusk might forbid me to fall in love again. i'm not even interested to describe what love is, i prefer remembering what stuff i have left in his room when we were brain-storming about, that thing, the job thing. not else.

i feel this dusk is being sarcastic to me, even more than i am to myself lately.