tulisan hampa

Here we go again sampe di akhir taun dan semakin banyak yang gue nggak tau semakin kesini. Semakin tua umur gue semakin bodoh sebetulnya gue selama ini. January Who doesn't love the new spirit? NONE! I got my new semester coming and so ready to become a teacher! Salah satu kelas yang gue suka adalah 18-4A. They are stunning, creative and lovely. Yah biasalah some of them hate me, but who does not? I mean waktu gue student juga I hate some teachers whom people loved. Tapi that doesn't stop me from loving my students. Along the semester, this class has always been the spirit of my Thursday morning. February I was assigned with three advisee; Vita, Indah, Kharisma. They are beautiful, diligent and super awesome! Susah gampang sih bimbing mereka karena sebenernya merekanya rajin, bahkan gue sampe kewalahan dan parno sendiri apakah mereka akan lulus karena waktu mereka sebagain anak extend mereka cuma punya waktu sedikit. Alhamdulillah sih semua lancar dan mereka lulus. ...

Cie udah lama nggak nulis yang cheesy cheesy karena disibukkan oleh duniawi semata. Hari ini break another record; dating only one guy for two years in a row. It feels.... like a rollercoaster. You know I love rollercoaster. Nggak ada yang super fancy, nggak ada engagement ring kayak yang beberapa orang suggested, nggak ada fine dining, nggak ada kamar hotel mewah, nggak ada celebration macem-macem yang bikin lupa diri dan flooding social media timeline dangan romantisme anak muda. I guess first of all because we aren't in that age anyore. Second of all, Abel bukan tipe yang bisa diajak romantis dan jadi keju-kejuan di hari jadian. Third of all, capek dan nggak punya duit HAHAHA. Anyhow, the meaning is still priceless. He bought me a watch but I will consider that as a reminder that time is valuable. He listens to what I need and he cares about my feeling even at the slightest ability. He is thoughtful and annoying at the same time, and I love it. I'm always crazy about h...

Last night you asked me to pick up your laundry next to your flat. I refused. You also once asked me if I want to double the key set to your flat. I refused. You texted me about wanting to see me and going out for a movie. I said yes. We talked all night long about stupid things, serious world problem, and absurd imaginations. We shared the same bowl of instant noodles when watching football on telly. I put away the garbage from your flat after our movie night. I think I had the best relationship ever. Until You asked me why I laughed so hard on your jokes and only agreeing to only minor things you ask me, I said "why would I do everything for you? you're not going to marry me anyway, let's have fun while we can and save the serious things for later"

Jarang jarang kan gue bahas soal agama dan mengekspos sisi religius gue yang setipis kumis Iis Dahlia. Interstellar, Alquran dan kekuatan waktu. Interstellar bilang, 1 tahun lamanya di luar angkasa sana, let's say wormhole, atau Jupiter, 12 tahun lamanya. Selanjutnya ada perbedaan 23 tahun lagi di cakupan angkasa berikutnya. Wow, I was like, lama amat yah berarti waktu berjalan di sana. Sekilas kepikiran masuk akal di otak gue, karena perbedaan 12 jam dari Indonesia dan Amerika aja benar adanya kok, jadi kenapa perbedaan waktu dari bumi dan lapisan luar Bimasakti fiktif adanya? Simple logic sejauh ini, karena otak gue emang gak sampe kalo logikanya ketinggian. Dari Al Qur'an yang gue tau, 1 tahun di bumi itu bertahun tahun lamanya di akhirat. Makanya serem kan kalo kita sampe masuk neraka dimana siksaan kita nanti akan sesuai dengan kesalahan kita selama di bumi dikali sekian kalinya. Durasi siksaan kita di neraka juga akan berkali lipat dibanding waktu di bumi. Seinge...

Everything's coming up roses. something   that   you   say   when   a   situation   is   successful   in   every   way Everything's   coming   up   roses   for   George   at   the  moment   h e's   been   promoted   at   work   and   he's   just   got   engaged. Everything's coming up roses. Fig.   Everything   is   really   just   excellent. Life   is   prosperous. L ife   is   wonderful.   Everything   is   coming   up   roses. Q:   How   are things   going?   A:   Everything's   coming   up   roses.

Bulan ke 23 pacaran sama Abel. Refleksinya banyak banget, lebih banyak dari refleksi apapun yang pernah gue sadari. Setiap mau ngeluh, inget lagi bahwa lebih penting bertahan dan berjuang daripada being weak. Setiap mau ngomel, inget lagi bahwa emosi nggak menyelesaikan masalah, justru memperkeruh. Setiap mau manja, inget lagi bahwa being vulnerable malah akan bikin capeknya makin kerasa. Setiap mau komplain, inget lagi Abel has done so much too in his limit to make me happy. Sebenernya bukan seberapa sayang Abel sama gue, jelas beda level dibanding waktu kami baru pacaran dulu. Kali ini lebih ke seberapa kuat kami bisa bareng dan bertahan dengan semua ke-nggak cocok-an kami. Gue rasa Abel selalu punya pilihan untuk sendiri, ngapain buang waktu dan tenaga pacaran sama gue. But then, enggak. He stays. He keeps trying and we keep trying. I think so far we survived the relationship phases. I don't know for how long. I used to know, I just don't know now. Tadinya kepikir...

Bangun dari tidur tanpa alarm, mendengar kumandang azan subuh, merasakan sejuknya udara pagi, mengetik catatan rasa syukur dan mengerjakan tugas-tugas duniawi. Kadang kita bersyukur sama hal hal yang besar banget nilainya; sukses bekerja, menang lomba, dapet rezeki banyak, selamat dari maut, dan sebagainya. Buat gue, satu kalimat paling atas di posting ini adalah hal yang paling gue syukurin seumur-umur dibanding semua nikmat Tuhan yang gue bisa inget. Manusia, banyakan ignorant-nya daripada conscious-nya. Manusia, banyakan ngerasa pinternya daripada kelemahan sebenernya. Manusia, banyakan ngeluhnya daripada senyumnya. Semoga gue bukan golongan orang-orang yang selalu marah dan lupa sama anugerah. Semoga gue dijauhkan dari golongan orang-orang sombong yang merasa hebat dan lupa sama dosa. Suatu pagi di bulan Oktober, Q3 tahun ini dan gue belum pernah merasa sebahagia sesederhana ini lagi sejak beberapa bulan lalu. Mungkin ini pagi terbaik dalam hidup gue, sebelum pagi pagi beri...

Not a week after one US citizen's (a doctor) being tested positive for this disease, now WHO is doing some responsive claim; a vaccine . Not to blame that Africans probably have weaker body immune, but learning that the cause of Ebola is actually detectable , therefore it's preventable, it takes so much of my concern that this illness issue is being a star in medical and health world that everyone's narrowing their eyes on this. It's like almost five times a day I read updates on my newsdeck mentioning "ebola". Okay, blame me not to subscribe to more sophisticated mews channel other than BBC and NYJ, but come on! If this is really that significant, could we just go primetime and announce massive claim about how preventable Ebola is? I demand public announcement from relevant institutions, boards and organisations regarding this paranoid-aggresive exposure about one (maybe cureable) disease . Please no further blaming or finger pointing on Af...

Hello October! Gosh it's almost mid-month and I have just started to write again. Hopefully this time is not too dull to share what has been crossing my mind lately. My students are going great and work is as hectic as always. Last month and this month are mental to me, I'm like physically drilled and mentally tested and psychologically tortured. Yet I sort of enjoy it, lol. So convinced I have the slightest level of Schizophrenia, not because of the movie or the book that I'm watching, but simply when my friends pointed out that I sometimes talk to myself. I thought this was normal until I read a bit more on the symptoms and they match my condition! HAHAHAHA it's the slightest level anyway, and even so, I see it from the good side; I must have certain extra-ability in my other skill. I just haven't figured it out yet. Maybe someone will point it out too to me very soon (hopefully). Anyhow, I am attending a super cool midweek getaway this Wednesday; a relative...

AWESOME (?) I mean what's more beautiful than; 1. waking up to a peaceful subuh time, 2. a kiss on the cheek from a proud mom 3. a phone call from a distant boyfriend who wasn't able to spend the day 4. a surprise from enthusiastic students 5. birthday wishes from office mates and colleagues 6. sweet caramel cake from so called secret admirers 7. gifts and gifts and hugs from friends 8. dinner with those 'secret admirers' who turned out to be the bff of the past three years 9. go home and another surprise cake from brothers 10. being alive and so thankful to God ? being aware that life is more than chasing dreams and turning imaginations into reality; but also appreciating and enjoying what I have been blessed with. A thoughtful boyfriend, sweet family, warm best friends and joyful students. Such a perfect combination to cure the last week pain and definitely another reason to survive the hard days on the year ahead.

I fell in love with your skate shoes, your old guitar and you messy hair. It was a sunny day in the old canteen of our campus, you were with your three friends laughing over a comic book that I'd never understand. I always smiled effortlessly because every facial expression you made was the funniest to me. I fell in love with your clumsiness each time you came late to our Statistic class. I fell in love with how persistent you were with your habit of drinking white milk every morning before the class. I fell in love with you when you finally noticed me, letting me lending you my notes on Statistic subject as it was the one you hated the most. And I fell in love with the way you say "thank you, can I buy you a drink some time?" when you returned my book. I fell in love with you when you let me pay the drink and be honest that you forgot to bring your wallet. I fell in love with your way scratched your back hair when you feel guilty or shy. I fell in love with your ho...

A simple thought on Gaza conflict and its mediation. Currently UN has agreed to once again let Egypt act as the mediator of the conflict between Israel and Palestine. Many scholars and analysts are concerned that maybe Egypt isn't the lost effective party. Not only because it hasn't presented any significant result during the mediation per se, but also the contributing factor such as politic and military status quo where Egypt will benefit so much from either Israel or/and Hamas.  Qatar, on the other hand is THEORETICALLY potential and seems to become a satisfying mediator for this conflict. Qatar is considerably not allied in any course either with Israel or Hamas or Palestine as a whole. However, learning that Qatar is always a country with such beneficial and strategical multinational relationship with other countries (especially neighbourhood of the Gulf), this country is TECHNICALLY not going to risk any military or politically loss within the mediation process. I don'...

Let's go back for a while to my weeks and nights in Edward Boyle and Brotherton library in Leeds. I hate myself for not remembering the names that I have quoted when I wrote analysis and critics towards the new media. But here is the thing, what happened to the media and people today are getting more and more uncontrollable and that the freedom of the information access is now inevitably super widen. I came to a thought where the people are obliged AND MUST understand how influential media are nowadays. To comprehend how the media work and how they contribute an impact to wide society, people then need to filter any information they are meaning to disseminate or retrieve. In short, you may read anything that you want; wrong, false, stupid, annoying, funny or brilliant content in media BUT to forward it and give any thoughts or concern about it IN PUBLIC requires bigger responsibility hence further consideration is necessary. There are three types of reader and forwarder; the impuls...

Inhale exhale. That was the only two-words medicine that God gave me when I came to Him last week. After pouring all my problems, sadness and concerns, God gave me Yoga. At first, it was sour and bitter at the same time, weird I guess. Fortunately my body is familiar with the compound and can adapt easily. I consume the medicine quite regularly; He did not set up the exact time or moment like usual medication, so I just do it when I feel it's necessary. The vocabulary is "yummy" and I deliberately feel the stretch of my natural body movement and my soul, mood and flexibility are changing as I keep on consuming Yoga. It feels so greeeaatt! I really hope this medication will help me out with relaxation and I will recover pretty soon.

I fell from uphill, the view was too beautiful I thought that I did step too close to the edge of the hill. And I fell. When I was up there, I was wondering how beautiful it was actually to be part of the beauty that I witnessed. I was also wondering how blissful it is to be a part of the scenery that I saw from above. Then I just fell. It was a long fall that in the middle of it, I managed to think of what will happen to me when I land? Will I die? Will I break any ankle or bones? Will I infinitely relieved? Will I land successfully with my both feet? Will I continue running that sweet beautiful land? Will I regret falling down? I fell anyway. I hurt both my arms and my ribs. But looking at the scenery that surrounded me, I knew I will recover quickly. And I will be just fine.

Hari menyeka keringat di dahinya yang bercucuran akibat menunggu kendaraan kantor yang terlambat menjemputnya siang itu di lobby. Perintah terakhir supir adalah menunggu di pinggir jalan saja karena mobil sudah mendekat, jadi sang supir tidak perlu parkir atau masuk ke lobby gedung untuk mengangkut Hari. Ternyata apes hari itu ditandai dengan pemandangan macet tiada ujung di depan gedung kantornya. Siang itu Hari akan meeting dengan klien lama yang muncul kembali setelah dikecewakan oleh konsultan barunya. Sekembalinya sang klien ke perusahaan Hari untuk berkonsultasi, Hari lah yang mendapat tugas mulia menjalin hubungan baik dengan sang klien tersebut. Kebiasaan klien ini adalah meeting di mall tengah kota yang notabene jauh sekali dari kantor Hari di pinggir kota. Namun karena kalkulasi dan target profit yang telah ditinjau dan dievaluasi dengan seksama, jadilah tetap Hari yang mengikuti permintaan klien tersebut untuk makan siang di hari terakhir di bulan Juli. Panas....

Hujan deras mengguyur pom bensin tempatku berteduh. Aku bangun dari tidurku yang hanya bersandar di kaca swalayan yang belum buka (atau mungkin tidak akan pernah buka karena dari semalam aku lihat tidak ada aktivitas apapun di dalamnya). Pukul 6 pagi, mendung membuat langit terlihat seperti pukul 5 dan sudah genap 12 jam aku menunggu pencerahan dari Tuhan tentang bagaimana caraku pulang. Dingin. Sendirian. Di sekelilingku para pemudik masih terlelap tidak memedulikan hujan, sebagian ada yang mengantri untuk cuci muka di kran air (bukan menggunakan air hujan), tidak lepas dari pandanganku seorang ibu yang mengaduk susu di botol untuk bayinya (menggunakan air termos, bukan air hujan). Motor dan mobil berserakan tidak teratur di pelataran parkir, dan petugas pengisi bahan bakar sudah berganti wajah dari shift semalam. Aku mengingat lagi kejadian semalam sambil menggosok-gosok kedua telapak tanganku yang basah kena hujan. Pukul 21:00 "Permisi Om, saya baru ditinggal sama bus saya...

1. It has been a dream come true  2. I cannot wait to help this team win the title 3. This club is one amongst the best in the world 4. The team is very strong and I am confident of contributing myself to it. 5. When I was a kid, I have always wanted to play for this team. 6. It is sad to move from the previous great team, but I will do better here. 7. The fans are amazing and I want to make them proud by winning. 8. After the long story and struggle, I finally made this transfer and I am glad about it. 9. Great armosphere, great welcome and I look forward to the new season to begin 10. Thank you to my fans and I hope you continue to stand by your beloved team.

This one person came into my life with this person's life concept where this person is never wrong, always prioritising comfort and self-assurance. This person rarely thinks of anything else or anyone else that does not matter to this person, this person is ignorant sometimes and this person barely understands the concept of social life, so hard to consistently loving and unable to keep the passion if this person is no longer interested nor challenged. This person is a slave of intellectualism and this person would not bother giving any shit about stupid things. Funny things are what this person thinks as funny, even the funniest comedian in the whole universe will not succeed to make this person laugh if the joke is below this person's standard. This person is so hard to please but at some point this person is so silly and lovely and adorable. This person is what makes me up all night thinking about this person and talk to God about this person. Good thing is, I talk to God q...

Pilpres sudah dekat, boleh dong ya  anak sok tahu ini nulis sedikit pikiran dan perasaannya soal kenegaraan. Sebelumnya, I'd like to give my respect and gratitude untuk pemerintahan BeYe. He's done quite good, salah satu indikatornya adalah keterpilihannya dalam dua periode berturut-turut, people had trust on him. Dari 10 tahun pemerintahan beliau juga ada kok numerous achievements despite some failures where he could have done better (on top of my head; Lapindo dan kasus penyadapan oleh Australia). Selebihnya, well SBY was quite good I shall say. Now the two candidates; Prabowo - Hatta dan Jokowi - JK. Both of them have strength and weakness, and I am personally still confused, or in doubt, but I will make my choice this time. Prabowo. He is an expert in politics and diplomacy I think. Pengalaman dia mostly dari point of view pemerintah dan track record dia di militer (despite the rumours about human rights crimes on 1998) juga menunjukkan ketegasan. Ketegasan. Somethin...

There were these times when life was so hard and giving up seemed to be the only option left. I demanded myself more than just leaning, whining and mourning over senseless things. These times were also the day when acting strong and trying hard just gave me disappointment. I wanted to puke on every wisdom and quotes, desperately thinking that things were never going to be worse. So low. And then you came, with a simple "hello" that made me smile. But turned out you proved me wrong that things are actually becoming worse than ever.

"Abang, itu salju!" mungkin teriakanku tidak terdengar juga oleh subjek tujuanku, ia terlalu sibuk menenggak birnya sambil memandangi panggung yang performa artisnya tidak terlalu dia pahami. Aku masih terpaku pada salju di luar jendela bar lantai dua itu. Tidak terlalu lebat dan terlihat seperti abu jatuh dari langit, hanya saja serpihannya besar. Dalam hitungan detik, aku kembali melihat panggung yang kini artisnya sudah berganti menjadi band idolaku, The Wave Pictures. Lagu pertama mereka adalah My Kiss. Band indie asal Inggris ini memang punya jenis musik yang tidak umum, aku sendiri mulai suka sejak teman baikku di bangku kuliah, Tyo mengenalkanku padanya. Begitu kudengar mereka akan tampil di kota dekat aku studi, aku langsung mengajak karib rantauanku, Abang, untuk menemaniku menonton. Perkaranya mereka akan tampil di sebuah pub kecil di kota kecil dekat kotaku, dan di malam hari pastinya. Aku tidak ingin mengambil resiko nekat pergi sendiri, dan untungnya Abang...

Well, actually I was just a lecturer assistant in this subject; Kapita Selekta Marketing. And this semester project is to make event for museum branding. One of the classes where I am assisting is this class who hold an event for Fine Arts and Ceramics Museum. The first time I met them, they were the enthusiastic ones. I love the atmosphere and the spirit. They started brainstorming, surveying and we arrived at the pre-event on May. I adore their togetherness, their committment and their restless effort. Today I went to their runthrough and we discuss the rundown for the event. I was so excited and they were too. This is them, and I so look forward to seeing the real event next week. for more info: www.artceum.blogspot.com

I used to be an I Miss You slut. Expressing feelings and telling my thoughts. These days, I'm just going to post either on my Tumblr or here. Why? These things are more durable, memorable and less painful. I had a dream once, you complained about me complaining. You wondered why am I never satisfied with what I've got. You think I was ungrateful demanding bitch that always looked things from the bad side. You claimed you have tried and you have stayed. I think I hold on tighter than ever. And I believe you don't know that I have more positive thoughts than before. I believe that even if you knew, you would not care. As long as you think there isn't any fight, nor matter to discuss, so everything is going to be ok. I think I promised once to not post anything about feeling anymore. But this is not feeling, this is boredom alternative. Instead of cursing my reflection in the mirror, or gossiping with my friends. This is just a poem, that doesn't loo...

So I have been a teacher for a couple of months now. I just have the right time now to write this. I feel sorry for myself for not finding some time to intensely write again. Yet, here I go. You guys, students, probably never thought of what I feel now as a teacher, a lecturer, someone who spent 90 minutes of my life in a day to talk in class for and with and to you. I love being the centre of attention, but that's not it. I tell you what. It is an enormous happiness when I see each and every face of you looking back at me when I explain the lesson. It's your confusion, your smiles, your giggles, your enthusiasm, and even when you are mumbling with your friends when I talk. I LOVE IT. I love looking at you, telling you things about exam and homework. Shouting and yelling sometimes because you guys are too noisy and busy with yourself and ignore me. I love when you are all silent and feel nervous. I love when you're complaining about the grades I gave you. I love when ...

Barusan otak kecil gue ini mikir nikmat Tuhan yang sering gak terasa adalah kemampuanNya memberikan gue mimpi di setiap gue tidur. Most of mimpi gue adalah menyenangkan dan jadi penyemangat hidup di hari berikutnya. Impas.

putting so much, so much, faith in Arsenal. Almost nine years without trophy, players come and go, good and bad times. One single manager, old, classy and determined. As a fan, I can tell you once feel sad, embarrassed, down, excited, flat, hopeless, on fire. Name it, every emotion. Arsenal have the potential, great players, accountable strategy, reliable players, and unquestionable spirit. Well I'm weak about how they have developed and I'm blind about their internal issues and strategy. But for all I know, it's the spirit of the gooners who keep the faith on Arsene Wenger. Their loyalty and trust towards the club is what amazes me. I believe all clubs have these sort of fans, but by far I know you, there is no other fan as loyal as you are to your Arsenal; through the bad times and good times. I know every club has their own weaknesses and haters and lovers, but as far as I can learn, you show the most dedication and determination to your team. I admire you...

Dian berlari kecil menelusuri selasar kampusnya. Di ujung lorong, ia berhenti dan menoleh pada Awan, kawannya sejak masa sekolah, "nyet, mesin fax dimana ya? Gue mau ngirim undangan nih satu lagi ketinggalan!" ia terengah engah dari lari kecilnya. Awan menjawab singkat pada jelas, "Marketing" Dian bengong sejenak, otaknya berpikir keras. Pasalnya satu kata yang disebutkan Awan barusan adalah tempat paling keramat buatnya. Kepala staff Marketing adalah mantan pacarnya. Delapan skenario dapat terpikirkan oleh Dian jika dia mengikuti saran Awan untuk mengirim fax dari kantor Marketing. "Emang enak?! Makanya jangan cari gara-gara sama staff kampus" Awan nyengir bahagia melihat Dian masih berwajah kusut dan stress. Ia menepuk nepuk bahu Dian sambil mendorongnya berbalik arah menghadap ruang Marketing. "Semoga perlindungan Allah tetap menyertai elo, kemanapun elo pergi, dan siapapun yang elo temui, hahahha" tawanya riang sekali menatap punggung ...

1. Arse 2. Betting site 3. Wanker

But I will tell you what happened to me today. I woke up at 6. Exactly at 6 and I was so lazy to move away from my comfortable sofa bed. It was Saturday so the landlord would not come to collect the monthly bill. I fell asleep again, I dreamt of you bringing me a cup of coffee and a sandwich for breakfast. Just in time I was about to eat, I woke up again. I decided to move and get up, got myself a quick shower and checked my email. Nothing. Not from you, not from work. This kind of morning was rare. I usually wake up earlier and do a morning jog. Today I just didn't have the spirit to. So after a shower I tuned in to my telly, nothing was interesting. The fridge was empty, I dragged myself to the nearest convenient store, but in the halfway there, I remembered I did not bring my wallet, so I stepped back home. On my way home, I saw the dog you used to take care of when he was sick. The puppy has turned into a dog now, and he seemed well. I wondered if you came by around here ...

A couple of weeks ago, I remember, I was writing about the perks of being famous; one of them is to be remembered when you're dead. Today, one of important people in LSPR, MA Tomasouw passed away. He has suffered from heart attack and the one that finally took him away was cancer. Actually, I didn't know him personally and never had any chance to get close to him in any turn. I've just heard about him,  seen him once at graduation, he was smiling on his wheelchair, congratulating graduates and wandered around as if he was a normal person who enjoyed the celebratory of graduation.  Moreover on the day of his death, I read more than enough notes, and sadness from people that I know who love him. He's very inspirational, he's strong and always smiled. He's the brightest and the wisest, I can tell. What I'm trying to mesmerise is that how much people adore, respect, and miss him.  I don't know what to write anymore. I'm sad. Especially...

It's not yet the longest miles I've gone through. I remember the days that I did not stop thinking of breaking up with you. I wondered if I'm happy and if this is what relationship is. I wondered if you're worth the effort and the tears. I wondered if the times that we spent and the fights that we did were all for one good reason. I wondered if you were happy as I always wanted you too. I wondered if you ever realised how much sometimes I was hurt by your words or your attitude. I wondered if you have ever hated me, and hid it just to avoid conflict. I wondered these days that we've been through. But you know what? The fact that I love you holds me down from thinking of going away from you. The fact that I love you calms down my anger and disappointment. The fact that I love you opens my eyes that you love me too. The fact that I love you heals every sadness and exhaustion. The fact that I love you strengthens me from giving up. The fact that I love ...