tulisan hampa

I'm writing in a very good mood. Holiday season and the traffic was awesome this morning. Plus, I got back this blogspot account after been frozen for months. So here we go, the recap of 2013! JANUARI Pulang ke Indonesia lagi rasanya asing. This time I've had a boyfriend so it's so much changing many things. Yeah, gitu deh romansa dan drama dalam diri gua. Anyway, I tried to work here and there, thinking this and that. Banyak job offers yang mulai berdatangan karena gua iseng coba apply, then ended up gak ada yang gua ambil karena gua tau Maret April si pacar akan pulang ke Indonesia untuk liburan, why bother having job while I can have fun with my long distance boyfriend during his holiday later. I worked for dad instead, di Tangerang. FEBRUARI Bukan hal mudah kerja di luar kota dan handling many things yang gua nggak ngerti sebelumnya. Then I learned a lot, managing conflict, making sales and doing marketing . It was quite fun and challenging and tiring at the sam...

I'm at the airport right now, typing this post after having a heart-to-heart convo with my dad. We were talking about people around us in general. 1. Our relatives. We called her the drama queen. She makes scenes for every single thing in her life. Every story she tells people, must be told in a dramatic voice and people are sometimes convinced, sometimes are annoyed, and we -me and dad are laughing behind. She's not that ultra smart, but she's just.. You know.. Drama queen. 2. The Used-to-be-famous lawyer. We barely know this person. Well I do. My father just happened to know him thru the media years ago. This person is smart, he's charismatic and what I recently learnt, he's just tactical in living life. I put so much respect on him as much as how we -meand dad pity his skill and choice of rising his family. 3. President of Indonesia candidates. Well, none of them grab our attention. I am not a big fan of political party, and I think my dad has his own story and t...

This life path, sometimes makes me wonder of what God has written. I imagine going back to seven months ago, if i decided something else for my life instead of what I'm doing right now. Will I be some place else better? Will I suffer more than how I do now? People that I meet. They're beyond any expectation and imagination. Will I have what I have now if I changed my mind back then a couple of months ago. Will more people please me? Will I be any useful to them? Will they appreciate me the way I deserve to be? Will I be able to treat them right? There are things I haven't done because I postponed several life objectives. And because of one indecisive reason, will those things come as good as if I delayed? Will those things get worse all along? I've been questioning myself if there's something wrong with me or the way I think or the way I decide the decision. I've been distrusting myself pathetically that I need someone else to convince me that I am okay and ever...

This year, I'm doing it different. Setelah dua taun puasa jauh dari rumah, taun ini balik lagi ke suasana meja makan keluarga, makanan masakan mama, suara petasan deket mushola, dan berbagai jadwal buka bersama. Bedanya, taun ini gue ikut Muhammadiyah. Yes, start earlyand gonna   finish early too! Bismillah aja ya. Ramadhan kareem. There's no month within a year thar relieves me as much as Ramadhan. There's nothing that I awaited impatiently like Ramadhan. And there's no deed as pleasing as executing good will in Ramadhan. Ramadhan kareem.

Selamat tanggal tujuh. Tujuh bulan jadi pacar kamu, rasanya... Kayak nano nano; manis asam asin, rame. Hehehe. Aku rajin banget buka-buka lagi catetan kita waktu awal jadian. And I happen to realise how amazing you have been and always are to me. Kangen. Rasanya sok jago banget ya decided untuk LDR di taun pertama pacaran, dan silly aja kita sempet snob dan pede bahwa kita akan baik-baik aja. Well. Aku nggak tau pasti berapa lama lagi kita bakal ketemu, yang jelas, selama tujuh bulan jadi pacar kamu, aku ngerasa self-satisfying bisa nyayangin kamu secara sederhana di antara rumitnya problematika kita. Aku seneng dapet kesempatan ngerasain ..... semua yang aku rasain. I'm sorry i haven't been a very nice girlfriend and I complain a lot about anything. I'm sorry I haven't succeeded to make you feel happy. Trust me, i've been trying. Thank you for keeping up and sticking to me, and to give us a chance to work out. I love you, selamat tanggal tujuh, kesayangan aku.

1 May 2013. It's Brian and Sally's wedding reception. Lila's Brian's friend and Sally's Tom's friend. Tom just could not believe of what he saw; Lila on the bridesmaid dress. "You look so so different, pretty and.. stunning" Lila bowed and smiled, "Thank you, Tom!" "I thought I was never gonna see you again after the meeting with you and Lex that time" "It's been ages, hasn't it? hahaha.." Lila felt so casual and no longer nervous like on their previous meetings. "I'm so sorry you and Sam broke up, Lila. Brian told me" Sally suddenly came up from nowhere to behind Tom, across Lila. "That's okay, we finally didn't work it out, anyway. But thanks" Lila then began to act clumsy and blushing at the same time. Tom was confused but then they got into another talk and chit chat until Brian came and "here they are! and here she is my beautiful bride! Now if you excuse us, singl...

You may call me selfish. I always do what I want. I rarely care what people think or how they'd react towards my selfishness. I just happen to do good selfish things, including consistently loving you. From the day I said "I love you", that feeling has never changed, until I wrote this post, at least. And I do hope it will not. And today, you turn 25. You have your own wishes I don't have to surreptitiously make ones, and even though birthday is never a big deal nor a celebration for you, let me myself congratulate you for being older, and hopefully wiser. I know your happiness doesn't have to be because of or with me, but I really hope you are always happy because of the thing that makes you do. This simple video, I fetched from your worldwide friends and relatives. (Sorry I had no idea about your family in France and US, if I had I think I would also contact them). I did the video collection and compilation all along a very struggling event that I currentl...

I hardly hate June. I mean it's midyear, everything must show its greatness if not clarity all along the year. This year, I happened to adapt to June quite hard. Not only because my family's struggling a hard time, it's also my boyfriend. I think I just miss him too much that all the energy left has been tabulated, accumulated and transformed into some weird brain reaction. This is not fun at all, but I dare myself to just go through it. I mean, what harm can it make if I keep on the track? Anyway, I'm with this old bad habit again. I can't believe it's not moving anywhere, as a matter of fact, it remains. Now I start to see it as something adaptable and enjoyable. Not gonna tell it here, but I am convinced that it is a bad habit. Does it sound like I nail-bite now? So, it's June again. I hate that I write less this month because of the craziness around me. I guess I'm not the only one, people have been very very very busy lately, and I sometimes wo...

So apparently people are still posting stuff about traffic jam, their hatred and faved, love and affection, politics, social life and other pretentious things. I wonder if they ever felt actually what they were tweeting.  I myself rarely tweeting lately. Not that I'm ultra busy or ignorant to social media. I just hardly find my expectation fulfilled all along by expressing in social media.  Came to think that I've met some people who always get what they want, or they think that things must go according to their way, or their preferences, or at least their ability to accept the extent to what things might go the other way around. These people, I wonder if they ever feel sad, not because they don't get what they want. But because it is very hard for them so feel grateful or even to realise of what they've had. It's sad to me when you can't see good things around you and keep complaining and demanding about unreachable wish instead. It's just sad. Just because...

1 March 2013 The mall was so crowded that Lila's shopping bag hit someone near the escalator. She turned around and recognised the face in front of her. "No way!" Lila almost screamed seeing Tom again with his new haricut "Hey! What a coincidence! What's up?" Tom grinned very happily "How are you? How can we meet so often, has this world shrunk or what?" Lila fixed her grab on the bags "I don't know, the universe loves me for letting me meeting you so... often?" They both were smiling when suddenly Tom realised one of the shopping bag that Lila carried had "DEBRA" logo on it. "Debra? You just shopped there?" "Yeah, Deb's my new fashion stylist, so she reccommend me...." "Wait, what? Your stylist? She lives next to my place! We're good friends!" "You live in Orchard Block too?" "Yeah, we just moved there last year, my mom wanted to live nearby to her office in ...

20 February 2013 A fair sunny day along the city market and Lila was looking for a perfect flower for her boyfriend. "You're here.. You're everywhere! Good Lord!" Lila was shocked really seeing a figure she's been coincidentally meeting recently everywhere near flower baskets inside the store. "No, this store's my dad's. You're stalking me, I must say" a naughty smile added Tom's charisma. "Oh, what? No!" Lila blushed accordingly, her smile shimmered by the sun from the front window of that florist store. They laughed together at how coincident their lives are. "I wish I could tell you about my dad earlier if you would've accept my coffee talk that evening" Tom remind her of his last week's proposal to her. "Well, I guess we don't need that coffee talk anymore right now that I knew that your dad owns this florist" Lila responded diplomatically and Tom couldn't help to frowned his face...

8 February 2013. It was a fair afternoon and Lila stopped by in a coffee shop for a sip. "Lila?" Tom's voice shocked her for a bit during the wait in the counter "Oh, hi! You! Are you stalking me?" Lila still remembered the last persistent effort of Tom trying to go out with her "What?", Tom almost chocked, "this is my favourite coffee shop, I am a regular" "Grande Americano, Tom!" a barista voice distracted their conversation "Are you stalking me?" Tom smiled knowingly seeing Lila's blushing cheeks. "Oh, no. haha. I'm just..waiting for my brother grabbed some books there" Lila rolled her eyes to the bookstore where they first met. Rightaway she saw her brother came out of the bookstore carrying two big bags towards the coffee shop, "and here he is." "Hi! It was a massive line that I almost fainted." Toby sighed and sat on the comfortable chair near the window. He smiled at T...

1 February 2013 The book store wasn't too crowded. Lila was strolling around the classic shelf when suddenly a taller guy came approaching her, and greeting "can I help you?" "Oh, do you work here?" Lila took a glance over his distinctive shirt, unlikely a storekeeper. "Umm, no. I just like offering help to a cute girl" "Oh, haha, that's a rare pick up. And thanks. But, no I'm just looking around." Lila smiled formally "Is it crazy if I ask you out for a coffee after this?" He leaned against the shelf without being nervous "What? Hahaha.." Laila was clumsy for a second, "I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend" "Hey I'm not asking you to be my date. It's just an evening book talk in the coffee shop across this store" he pointed a small coffee shop in the corner of the street. "But.. I'm not buying any book" "That's okay, we can talk about this book that I ...

Been ages since the last post. I told you, I dislike April. Just this year perhaps I hate it worse. Not just the fact the I have to re-start the sucky long distance relationship, but also the fact that I hardly can make it to fly there to have a proer Summer holiday, so far not. That wish still exists though, at least until a next couple of months. Meanwhile, I am re-listening to 90s songs and along that realised how much I have grown; from the American to British style of English, the perspective of seeing how life can be miserable enough when you can't say NO, until how to bow down to my own self vulnerability when it comes to heartbreaking circumstances. I have started running again though, the rain doesn't seen to stop me too  long. I have a cable telly now in the living room; gives me more access to The Voice, Game of Thrones, NBA highlights and of course PORNOGRAPHY baby (in music videos, you think?) I so look forward to seek out something else there, probably E! news...

Come, see, what we all talk about People movin' to the moon Stop, baby, don't go, stop here Never stop livin' here Till it eats the heart from your soul Keeps down the sound of your Silent sigh, silent sigh, silent sigh Silent, silent, silent Keeps down all, move me down Could we love each other? Come, see, what we all talk about People movin' to the moon Stop, baby, don't go, stop here Never stop livin' here Till it eats the heart from your soul Keeps down the sound of your Silent sigh, silent sigh, silent sigh Silent, silent, silent Keeps down all, move me down But don't love each other No, don't love each other Never gonna be the sound, get it on See, si, see, si See, si, silent, silent Silent, silent, silent, silent Silent, silent Please don't, all move me down Silent, silent, silent Silent, silent sigh, silent sigh Move me down, we're gonna love each other

Avfest's 50 km away from my city. I visit this suburban area every week, on Friday morning until evening. A weekly review on the small branch. I don't even know why the company sent me for this task. I mean, they can ask the branch manager to come by the headquarter and weekly-report it. I just don't understand. Anyway, here I am again, hitting the crazy small and quiet road to Avfest. I remember the first time I went this small village along, I was excited, I thought this was going to be something or somewhere refreshing and fun rather than working in a small cubicle in my office uptown there. Nay, the seventh week drove me insane. I mean, the people are nice, the always smile at me and ask what I am up to. But come on, it was like a very quiet village, dry and quiet. Most people are farmers if not a seller in traditional market, the rest are school kids, and they are quiet too. This time today, my twelfth visit and nothing's changed. Only the road is now dirtier a...

"Ibu ndak nyangka kalo itu anakmu Nggar. Mbak Putri belum sampai nikah, kamu udah mau punya anak" "Maafin Langgar, Bu. Langgar khilaf. Kita tunggu sampe resepsi Mbak Putri selesai ya, nanti kita bahas lagi" "Panggil Bram ke kamar Ibu ya, nak" "Iya Bu"  Langgar menuju selasar gedung pertemuan, matanya mencari sesosok tinggi adiknya sambil menyulut rokoknya menjauhi ruang rias Ibunya. Pikirannya menerawang melewati kelibatan tamu-tamu asing di sekitarnya. Sebagian besar adalah tamu dari mempelai pria; kakak iparnya. ------12 jam sebelumnya.... "Aku cuma mau bilang, Mas Edi beruntung bisa nikahin Mbak Putri. Dia itu bener-bener berharga buat keluargaku Mas. Dia teladanku dan selalu njagain aku sama Mas Langgar dari kecil. Mudah-mudahan Mas Edi tau apa yang akan kalian segera temui setelah pernikahan ini. Aku titip mbakyu ku ya Mas, tolong dijaga dan dilindungi." "Pasti Bram. Aku sadar bahwa Putri wis akih berkorban demi hubun...

"I don't believe in marriage" "I'll convince you of it. I am right now actually. It's the third time I'd say it; would you marry me?" "Why?" "Answer first! And I hope the long pause brings something relieving" ..................   "Will you propose to me again if I say no this time?" "You bet I will, it's always unconditional to marry you" "Let's give it a shot, I've been trusting you for years, I will be again in the future" "Would you marry me?" "I do" -the end-

.......they'd change 1. they ignore boys nights out. Going out with a girlfriend apparently is the most fun a boyfriend can do on weekend. Not just about having the pleasure in that boyish way, but also letting out the real emotion to the opposite sex who'd respond to their inner sensitivity with good hugs and feelings, instead of a punch in the shoulder saying "oh, you can go thru this shit, man!". 2. they spend more money for cheesy thing. Flowers, chocolate, cards, surprises and gift voucher. Making the girlfriend happy is always a self-satisfactory. Not only expecting something in return per se, but also seeing the loved ones smiling and happy is an achievement too. 3. they become drama kings . They can have a mood swing and become an insecure bitch just like girls who're having their PMS. Guys can be so envious and highly tempered when it comes to girlfriend thing. Most of them can put everything under control, but some will always show affection, ...

"Man, seriously? You gotta let her go. There's no one in this world who would reject a proposal TWICE! Considering how long you have been dating her, and all the things you've gone through with her" "Come on, I gotta need to be reassured that the third time will work. I gotta take some days off to think of how can I convince her" "You want to do a third one? A bloody third proposal? You are nuts!" "I've been told that I am. So why bother giving up?" "What's in her mind? Have you read?" "I've been reading a lot, and I've been wrong too. I don't think I need to read more. I gotta feel what she feels so I could understand what she wants, and again, convince her of what we can achieve together. I know she wants to be with me too, I just need a reason to get her more attached." "How?" "I told you, I need days off to think of how" "You're sick enough to take your own t...

bukan semata-mata karena lagi ditinggal mama ke luar kota, bukan juga karena maag lagi kambuh melanda, apalagi karena capek kerja, but I felt like I bloody wanted to write.   I never knew what was in my boyfriend's head when he sent me pictures of him being in Emirates Stadium. Most boys, regardless with football-enthusiastic girlfriends or not, are going to be totally reckless and careless about any other things when it comes to their favourite football team. My boyfriend? So not!!! He had the time to tell me how it went: Giroud versi aku! I was honestly exhausted from work and fell asleep immediately after I hit the bed. I skipped dinner and I still managed to hear his voice before I went to sleep. I tell you what? There's this difference between sending a voicenote when you really mean it, and the live phone call one when you're not in the mood; voicenote wins! Too great, my boyfriend has this amazing voice recorded with full-heart to me the nights before, and whe...

"What's with the candle, love?" "I upset you yesterday, didn't I? Should have not proposed you that early, we should take it slow" "Hey, if there was anyone who upset anyone, it's me upsetting you, I'm sorry. I really wish I could say yes, but, I just don't want to fake it and be unsure about it" "It's okay, I love how we talk about anything confidently like this, randomly and nicely" "I love this too! I don't want things to change!" "I love your smile" "Oh come on, you make this feels like a second date! Stop it! hahaha..." "And I love when you're blushing" "Dude, break it off! Hahaha.." "What do you like about me, when we're having dinner?" "Umm, there are many! You want me to name one? It's absurd!" "Come on, on the top of your head?" "Your gentle hand on mine" "And?" "You said on the ...

"it was a no, so sorry guys." "ooh, what's wrong?" "well, she looked like she's not ready yet to settle down... with me" "fuck no, she must be undermining herself too much, right? I don't understand why, she's been so fine with everything about you guys, your family both, your friends, the work, and us, the your-boyfriends!" "I know, right! There must be something to fix, I gotta re-propose to her!" "Yeah, you better man! I know how much you want to be with her. But you gotta be sure that re-proposing is the best thing. And make sure she will say yes this time" ----- "Do you wanna hang around the casual? Or a dinner?" "Yeah, a dinner would work, I'll be hungry by that time, dear! Besides, the waitress aren't so flirtatious there with you, handsome!" "Haha, they cannot beat you in any way!" "I know, I've got your heart and full-attention just the way y...

"What drove you so mad, man?" "I don't know. She's having this major disturbance in her head. She's just constantly changing and I think it's gonna be a hard living ahead with her." "Totally, dude! I thought you've gone insane. How're you gonna handle her? What if she said yes?" "She will, eventually, I just feel right when I'm with her. She's broken, but still, she does everything for me. This is worth the risk and consequences, I guess." "What if she leaves you?" "That is.... I don't know. She's done so much to me that marrying her is the only choice I can nicely do in return. I wanna be with her with all she is." "You don't know what you're gonna miss man" "Oh, trust me I know, though I haven't thought of how will I do it. But, come on. It's her. She's worth the losing all these bastard things with my buddies. I wanna grow up, sit down ...

"this is a truly big event. I'm grateful for your participation and passion in this. remember, it's like a life to us; if you succeed, then you've gained it. if you failed, then you're being given a lesson. don't run away from the risk and consequences, just be prepared. and take the leap." "hey, sorry to cut you off, I need to make a call to my boyfriend one minute!" "where are you going?" "answering his proposal last night" -to be continued-

"Getting married? Are you... Serious..ly nuts?" "What? Why?" "Are you sure wanna be attached.. To me?" "Yeah, hell yeah I do, do you?" "It's not the idea of, you know, being with you for the rest of my life. It's about spending the time only with one person; me. Aren't we gonna be bored to each other? Are we gonna go home and tell the truth that we miss the free single living? Are we really gonna be open up about anything to each other..." "Yes, yes, yes. We're gonna share everything, we wake up next to each oter, we fight about many things, we make up to our best, we grow up and grow old together.." "How are we gonna do all that?" "How have we been doing all that? How did we survive this relationship?" "Well, seriously, you're like very perfect for me, but am I?" "Yes, you are. Trust me you are. If there's anyone in this world that I'd like to spend my li...

Selamat tanggal Tujuh, kesayanganku. Nggak seharipun lewat tanpa bayangan kamu di sekitar aku nemenin aku. Nggak semalem pun lewat tanpa kamu berkelibat berkali-kali di mimpi aku. Nggak se-pagi-pun lewat tanpa denger suara kamu pamit ke alam bawah sadar. Nggak se-sore-pun lewat tanpa sapaan tulus Selamat Pagi-ku buat kamu. Aku nggak peduli sejauh apa kita sampe waktu yang nggak ditentukan. Aku nggak peduli sesering apa koneksi internet antara kita saling menjatuhkan. Aku nggak peduli sengantuk apa mata ini, demi ngobrol sama kamu, harus bertahan. Aku nggak peduli seburuk apa yang udah kita lewati dan yang mungkin akan ada di depan. Aku sayang kamu, nerd paling kece se-muka bumi dan sepanjang sejarah percintaan.

aku duduk terpojok di ranjang besarku, berpikir keras sendirian tentang penyebab perceraianku. masih jelas teringat di sudut lain kasur itu, aku bercinta dengan mantan suamiku malam sebelumnya, kami bicara seru tentang pekerjaannya, tentang mimpi-mimpiku. setiap pagi, mulai kali ini, senyumku terulas pada sebuah bantal, kosong. tidak ada lagi bantal menumpu kepalaku, tidakpun lengannya menyangga leherku. aku namun tidak merasa sepi. pagi-pagi kali ini, senyumku makin banyak terlempar, ke barang-barang kenangan kami. sungguh suatu kebingungan untukku atas perceraiaanku. "you're like the best wife with the best sex in the whole world" pagi itu masih terngiang di pikiranku. aku bangkit membuka tirai kamar kami. "i wish all our problems could be solved by sex. i really do" lalu aku beranjak ke dapur setelah mengancingkan sekenanya kemeja kerja mantan suamiku di dekat tirai. "i wonder what we can do to work this ouy. we've been so good together. ...

people are tearing apart, they drift away and they change. they call it evolving, the call it moving on, they call it growing up, they call it nature. to me, it is a choice. it is a choice whether you're moving away from your current or previous life path. it is a choice where you pick and throw people you like, you want and you need. being around people, i think is unnecessary sometimes. it either hurts, is inequivalent, i disadvantageous or is irrelevant to certain significant life path.  being with people, does affect my mind and feeling.  being with people, requires sacrifices.  i think being alone is safe . i learn people, i interact, i communicate. i know always that being alone protects me. alone protects me.

I didn't know that it doesn't take me to be an architect, nor a designer to talk about this. I think God has made it through, that humans must come back to Him. Probably I haven't gone too far to come back. Or, perhaps I've ran too fast that I'm getting closer to where I started. This life, and how it's manufactured tickles me. This life's so complex that I just want to simplify it, no matter how hard I have to fight to make it simple. I just haven't succeeded yet. I start to build my own landscape after God made me one. It must not as brilliant as God's, but at least it's where I lay down all my creations, my imaginations and my preferences. My landscape. I hold the blue print of my landscape, I build the maquette, I design the composition and I draw a straight line of the timetable. By the time it finishes, I'd gladly announce that I've out-kept my sleeping pattern to achieve what I wanted. And I would always be proud of my ...

I'm off from work today, means I've got plenty of times to watch series, dvd, and of course, hanging out online with boyfriend. Ooops, yeah, that task. Well, see you tomorrow work. Jadi belakangan ini, pikiran kalut saya banyak disebabkan oleh pilihan pekerjaan. Not to mention that being in a relationship confuses me, but I'd rather see it as a break even point where I've driven myself crazy for a year in Masters (ehm, and being single) and now it's time for me to at least enjoy the gasp of free air. Jobless. Mungkin kata itu tepat mendeskripsikan saya secara keseluruhan, tapi tanggung jawab saya di kantor juga nggak segede dosa sih, biasa aja. Data input and analysis, trus decision making tetep ada sama Pak Bos, bukan saya. Jadi wajar dong kalo saya sebut diri saya 'anak magang'. Probably gonna achieve another extra miles within three months; new project. JWT, I'm so coming to you. Once boyfriend's back in town for good, all I need is busy-n...

...was a cup of warm soup and a slice of beef steak... "I'm glad you're back in town. How's work?" "It was okay. How's yours?" "Been doing crazy things and orders everywhere about the stock. You know, people are getting smarter now, plus they're getting more demanding too. I guess both Karl Marx and Adam Smith would love to experience this era" "Uh huh" "I missed you. Tell me about your school plan. You're taking different major?" It was 2 in the morning, he could not stop asking me questions I didn't bother to elaborate. I wish I could be as straightforward as him when he's bored. "I love my job, but I too look forward to feeling the classroom atmosphere again. Could you give me a break about which one to choose? I think I'm confused enough without you asking about the details." I think I hurt him. "I'm sorry, I'm just wondering if I could be any help." ...

Dear Boyfriend, So I'm kinda impatient writing the time capsule that we always have. Besides, as you know how habitual my PDA is, then I'll just write here. Look at the hit-count on the right tab, yes! it's where the world can see, even probably be jealous of us. You too know how competitive I am, hence this (uhm, long) note is sort of the counter confession of how much I worship God for giving you in my life. I'm trying to not sound gombal here, you're an asshole, you know that? You annoy me most of the times. You're irresistible. You're irresistibly annoying! You make me wanna jump into your lap and dig your brain out of your head. Hopefully you'll lose your logic and keep on loving me like you do now, until then. You know, just in case we change (because the world does), and you turn out to hate me, and when you don't have the brain, the heart will tell you to keep loving me, yeay! Eh sayang! Have I told you how brilliant you are in makin...